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Friday, December 09, 2005 BAM BAM BAM,, TO LONG, TO HARD, TO WILD FOR HER :) Krista didnt know what it i mean what I was all about until wednesday night. Just ask her about it. Im sure she will tell you. I think she was proud of me :) Good thing she's broad because otherwise her head would have been hurting to :) tee hee hee 1 strait hour and she had to quit her eyes were rolled into her head. bam bam bam aww... now shes gonna be embarassed. Krista, im sorry im hard to handle!!! love you lots Public - 12:38 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it by the way... i need EVERYONES numbers. i got a new cell and all my numbers are lost... so PLEEEEEEEEEASE can you leave me a comment with your number!?! (dont put your area code. i know it. that way we wont have freaks calling us.) if i talk to you or anything... comment me with your number!!!! or e-mail me with it. Xstep_on_me_i_go_squishX@yahoo.com Public - 8:15 AM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it not going to skool today... dont feel good at all. johnny thinks im a horrible person i guess. i try so hard. i mean.. WHAT IS LOVE? isnt it... The little things? trying your HARDEST to make your partner happy even if you HATE doing it? putting them before YOURSELF? Trying to spend time with them under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE? Give them a Goodnite kiss when YOUR mad at them or even if THEYRE mad at YOU? and NOT leaving them until you HAVE too because you dont want to be away from them? i do all of these. and sometimes i feel that he doesnt even know... and i LOVE him. you ALL know i do. you ALL know hes all i talk about. you ALL know hes always on my mind. i dont even FLIRT with other guys anymore! and that used to be my life! you ALL know im totally infatuated with him... SO WHY DOES HE THINK I CARE SO LITTLE?! Public - 8:12 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it Thursday, December 08, 2005 written by my Hero... shes possibly one of the most sophisticated, deep, intellectual people i know and probably will ever know : Cassie Kowalski my life. this vibe i get, is much like that of the coming-to from anesthetics. a delirious swirl of "what-happened-when-i-wasn't-here" where has the feeling gone? you wake up from the long surgery of the changing point in your life. everything seems to be misplaced in your house. the spoons are in the bathroom and the laundry's hanging from the stove. pretty sure i recall seeing your refrigerator in the living room, and your ceiling's on the floor. the stairs are made of couch cushions and your couches cold, bitter cement. pasted on your "to-do" list are things you've already done. and love letters half-written, have now turned to lust. and the old ones you read; the ink is all smeared, but you know what had been there. remnants of a dinner date; the candles burned down to the end of the wick, dirty dishes in the sink. and the petals from the roses for you are already swept out onto the deck in the black of nite. i was pretty confident you made that coffee not five minutes ago, but you surely find a cup-ful already gone cold. sip. that degrading taste of the aftermath. look at your house again. full panoramic view, k? the pen with the cap off, exactly where you left it. were you writing the sadistic story of your life? have you stopped the ink from bleeding the paper, to recall who you've been? we miss you we miss you please come again? the intercom speaks: mommy, where are you? it's been awhile since i've seen your pretty face.... ...mommy? and you cry: "yes, honey, just wait. patience does well with a mind so bleak." where have you been all this while? have you been walking in your sleep. crying in your wake. and dreaming of the yesterdays? keep your chin up they say. walk it off, your nites arent so cold. but as you lie down before vision sleeps, you can see your breath like smoke on thin air. Mommy, why do you cry?...i can't hear you, mommy. please come back.. *you quietly shut the front door and exit your house. you sputter out good nite, good nite. but it's dead silent anyways. not a breathing thing in that house will yearn to see your gaunt, worried face. slap yourself in the face. you've done it again.. rest now, on your pillow of filthy regret. hush now, don't cry. those tears will freeze on a nite this cold.* Public - 10:47 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it went to school... it was okay.. i need to dye my hair DARK brown and then put more pink in it. anywayz.. after skool.. came home.. brit, teddy, n johnny came over. we went shopping to make supper... i made cajun shrimp and veggies and rice and i made johnny a steak... we goofed around all night... watched a mooovie.. stuff like that. made brownies. almost set the house on fire. johnny walked out on me.. i started crying.. all he would do is sit there. im friends with HIS friends... why cant he AT LEAST talk to mine?! i just dont understand. its like the only person he can stand is me. and thats not right. i cant take it. i dont wanna live the rest of my life with me going out and him staying inside because he doesnt like people! i dont want to be LONELY! i just... ** sigh **