(no subject)
just to feel... i put my ciggarette out on my skin.
it didnt hurt.
but i have an icky mark.
this weekend was horrible.
last night.. (sunday) i had just slept all day until 3 because i was up til 5 a.m. crying and trying to explain to john im faithful.
i went over to his house at 5... talked to his sis and stuff before he got home... explained to her i might not be with him anymore because he will probly break up with me.
he got there. i went downstairs in his room to talk... he asked me what i wanted. i told him i love him.. and he wanted to check my buddylists and i siad i dont feel the need to...
so he took my PS2 he had and threw it on the floor. broke. took all the notes i wrote him and chucked them in the garbage. threw the stuff i bought for him back at me.
then asked me for his hoodie (that i was wearing) back.
the whole time i had tears streaming down my face... i didnt know what to do.... i was so scared... i love him soo much. but why does he hurt me like this?
i havent done anything wrong.... so why am i being treated like i have?
what did i do to deserve this?
so i took his hoodie off. there i was standing in front of him in my bra crying and trying to leave. he blocked the doorway and hes like take you shit. all of it. i dont want to see or hear from you again. im changing my number and im moving.
he walked out... went in my car... took my cell phone... took the picture i had of him in my wallet.... told him he wanted the pics of us and the roses and the ring and everything and he was going to follow me home to get it.
so i walked up stairs and debbie saw me with just my bra on and crying and shes just like "Krista whats wrong? why is your shirt off? what did my brother do to you?"
and i just told her... "he wants me to leave..."
i said bye to faith and noah.. they hugged me...
and went out in my car and drove off. john drove behind me. tried getting me to pull over for a while by flashing his lights but i wouldnt. i couldnt stop crying. i was sooo cold. i was soo sad.
so i went home... he didnt follow me. he must have went back to debbies.
not even 20 minutes later christopher lee delgado knocked on my door and rescued me from a night of sadness!! we left... got some beer... picked up jake who i havent seen in FOREVER... went to walmart.. got some stuff...
and just.. let loose... we laughed and laughed and forgot about all of our problems... our lives... everything. it was just me, jake and chris. like old times. laughing about the stupidest things and seeing UFO's (not even kidding you).
and i remember... driving by beanseddie.. i saw a shooting star... we all did. and we all closed our eyes and made a wish.
i wished that john and i would be together soon and live happy forever.
then we just all smiled and laughed some more. its sad i have to result to pot sometimes... but i forgot how it made me feel. but im only going to do it when i really really really need to from now on. i know a lot of you think its stupid and its beena LONG time since i did it last.. but i needed something last night.. something to get away....something to make me smile and laugh since i havent in so long.
so we were driving around... it was about 9 o clock.. my mom was still out at the bar... and we pull into a gas station in mosinee... and who do i see.... but john... putting gas in his truck. thats the gas station i never even go to. it was so wierd.
i walk over to him... high and slightly drunk and im like "what are you doing here?"
and hes like "WHOS IN YOUR CAR?" and i told him and hes like.. obviously you like one of THEM more than me. ummm noo. i havent talked to either of them in a long time.
and hes like "i talked to your mom..."
and he wouldnt tell me about what....
then hes like... "well let me go in and pay for this.... you got a minute?"
and we went for a drive....
the bell is going to ring. i have to go.
**********edit***********
okay im back. back to my night.
cheech went with the guys in my car...i went with john. we drove... he said to me softly... "krista i talked to your mom.... she told me everything.... she told me how you went to her the other night and cried and cried til 3 in the morning... she told me how you said you NEVER have and NEVER will cheat on me... she told me how sad you were... and that you would die without me....and i didnt believe anything until i talked to her.... i believe you now. i believe everything... im sorry... im soo sorry... i hurt you soo much.. and i know i did.... im sorry for what i did.... im sorry for not trusting you... im so sorry... i want to be with you... i love you sooo much..."
and he was sincere. he was sooo sincere. and i hope to god hes telling me the truth....
i guess... ill find out.
but im drawing the line. something else happens like this... i WONT be able to take it. and i will have to walk away. and god knows what will happen.
but for now. we are together. i love him. and he loves me. and we will get thru this.