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i want to be a suicide girl....
www.suicidegirls.com
Public - 10:56 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it
jeez god almighty. so john finally realized he was being psychotic and i assured him and gave him proof i wasnt cheating on him. he finally believed me.
my mom and i are in a huge fight but whatev.
stayed at johns last night and today. we talked a lot... hes just scared shitless because this is the month his dad commit suicide 5 years ago.. the reason he did it.. was because he found out johns mom was cheating on him with his now step dad jack.
it was always big john and lil john (johns dads name was john too) they were sooo close.
he shot himself on the side of the house outside. john was there. he heard the gun shot.
he knew why he did it too.
i guess i understand. he acts all tough and like he doesnt give a shit.. but.. hes so sensitive. hes so hurt.
i came over the other day and walked in and started talking... and all of a sudden he just told me that a lady had asked him about how his dad commit suicide. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE FUCKING NERVE?
he started crying to me in his room.. saying "its not okay....its not okay..."
it kills him when people ask him about it...
his dad shot himself at 29. he always tells me hes buying a gun at 29.
that hes not living past it. like its a goal of his. and it kills me. he said it in front of his sister the other week and she just started screaming at beating the shit outta him. he was just joking around. even though its not fucking funny.
i understand he doesnt want to be hurt because him and i are a support system. if we wouldnt have found eachother we both would have resorted to suicide a long time ago. i know for a FACT i would not be here if i had not had john to help me through the times when i was alone.
for those who know me more than most.... you know this.
so things are okay between johnny and i. i know hes been a dick to some of you. and im sure half of you still dont agree with me being with him. but weve gotten thru soo much and i am NOT about to quit on him until he quits on me.
i miss jake. :-/
havent seen him in a while. hope hes okay.
KORR I HOPE U DID GREAT AT THE V-SHOW!!! YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL!!!