All that she left for you
Well I guess Ill try this again. I updated earlier and, in my infinite wisdom, accidentally lost the whole thing. Oh well. Its about 1AM on Mothers Day. I didnt sleep at all last night, at all, but I cant sleep. I should try, but its just not happening for me.
Yesterday, or is it the day before now? Okay, well, Thurs was beautiful. It was like 85, I found myself walking along the seawall barefoot at the beach. It was lovely. Lauren would be proud, I even wore a skirt. Spent some time out there before racing back here to grab my ticket to my bros show. Ate a sandwich in the car, then felt my ass go slowly numb on the hard bench at the first night of Kyles Gang Show. After that was done went to go head back here on squeaky, ineffective brakes. Almost ended up going to Illusions but turned the offer down, half out of lack of self-confidence, half out of annoyance at my family and their obnoxious and inconvenient antics. Back here I decided to stay in, finished up my book.
Ive been feeling like crap, I think I hurt my neck the other day, its been killing me. Crawled into bed around 2am and couldnt sleep for the life of me. I was hot, I was cold, I was in pain. Phone rang a bit after 3am, I ended up on the phone talking until about 530am. It was actually good because I wasnt sleeping anyway. Yes, I watched the sunrise. A phenomenon I havent witnessed in God knows how long. I want to get out to the lookout by Vins and watch the sunrise over the Housy one morning. It would be beautiful. So I finally fell asleep sometime between 6 and 7, only to be awoken by my parents around 8, then again around 9. About 10 my phone started ringing pretty regularly again so I gave up on sleep and got up to start my day.
Going out to New Paltz NY was discussed. Ive never had sushi. A variety of people find this appaling. Sorry. Itll happen someday. That fell through seeing as my parents took the liberty of planning my life for the day. My spare time was spent going through my "Niks Stuff Do NOT Open" box and adding more too it. Theres some memories in there, all right. Got me thinking about and missing certain people. I then created a box for some other themed items and papers that mean a lot to me, to the tune of Coldplay "The Scientist". Nobody said it was easy/no one ever said it would be this hard/ Im going back to the start. Wasnt easy stuff. Get the car from Milford, church, then the second night of Kyles show followed by an appearance at the Elks Club. And thats just what I did. Tried to grab a nap in between but no one could leave me the hell alone so it didnt happen, again. Matt Allan accompanied me to the show tonight. I love Matt, hes a sweetheart. My grandfather, great-grandfather and a variety of other family members were there. Brought Matt home, then went back out to the Elks to meet the familia.
My mother, of course, warned me repeatedly of the various hazards associated with being a lone female walking across the Derby green at night. Gotta watch out for the hoodlums in the smallest town in the Valley. Uh huh, yeah. Shot some pool with Kyle, I won, thats right. Im gonna gloat now. Talked with some of the adults, then some of the not-quite adults. Made my graceful exit to go meet up with some people. They ended up wanting to go to the bar for the night, and wanting me to go with them. Due to my lack of sleep, as well as not wanting to deal with the rigors of being under-21 when everyone you know and hang out with is 21 I chose to pass. The guys didnt like that much and, of course, begged and gave me the appropriate amount of hell. They lost out in the end. As Mr. Decho said to my mother when she was upset that I was walking to my car by myself, "I pity the guy that tried to jump *her*". I, for one, pity the person that tries to coerce me into doing something I dont feel like doing. As you can see, Im here, the lost in the end.
Im experiencing something I havent had a problem with yet. Ive heard Mike complain before about not being able to accompany his 21+ friends to the bars, out at night, etc. Its never been a problem for me. This trip home has changed all that. I dont like to wish my life away, but I really do need to turn 21 already. Then I can stop aging and Ill be all set. Lots of dissapointments lately as well. Everytime I think I know what I want, and I think Im going to get it, its gone. I really need something good to happen to me right now in that respect. Tonight Im just feeling rawly dissapointed in people and situations in general. Driving home in a cold lonely rain didnt help all that much. Im sick of being dissapointed by people especially. It seems to be a trend lately. Im losing faith in a lot of things. It just doesnt make sense to me. Maybe I give people more credit than they deserve. If I see something in you I tend to defend it starkly. Dont let me down.
I think its about time I drag myself off to bed. I have to deal with Mothers Day festivities tommorow. I also have to deal with any fall-out from the past few nights. I guess tommorow is just another day (and I dont believe in time). I got a bit of good news today though, something to look forward to. Also got my summer training schedule. I cant believe over half my time in Shelton is over. Time flies I guess. Gotta make the most of what is left. Good night, sleep tight...
*So Im back to the velvet underground. Back to the floor that I love. To a room with some lace and paper flowers. Back to the gypsy that I was, to the gypsy that I was. And it all comes down to you. Well you know that it does, well. Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice. Oh and it lights up the night. And you see your gypsy. To the gypsy that remains. She faces freedom with a little fear. Well I have no fear. And if I was a child and the child was enough. Enough for me to love. Enough to love. She is dancing away from you now. She was just a wish. And her memory is all that she left for you now. And you see your gypsy. And it all comes down to you. It all comes down to you.*
Lesson(s) of the Day:
-Dont mess with me.
-Roxbury, Derby. Lets see where Im gonna walk alone tonight.
-Sometimes nothing makes sense.
-Dont let me down.
-Dont let me become a memory.
-You light up my night, but youll never know it.
-Sometime we have to do difficult things, even if its a little late.
-Who needs sleep anyway.
-Happy Mothers Day!
-Life just a bit below 21 kinda sucks.
-Facing freedom with a little fear.
Yesterday, or is it the day before now? Okay, well, Thurs was beautiful. It was like 85, I found myself walking along the seawall barefoot at the beach. It was lovely. Lauren would be proud, I even wore a skirt. Spent some time out there before racing back here to grab my ticket to my bros show. Ate a sandwich in the car, then felt my ass go slowly numb on the hard bench at the first night of Kyles Gang Show. After that was done went to go head back here on squeaky, ineffective brakes. Almost ended up going to Illusions but turned the offer down, half out of lack of self-confidence, half out of annoyance at my family and their obnoxious and inconvenient antics. Back here I decided to stay in, finished up my book.
Ive been feeling like crap, I think I hurt my neck the other day, its been killing me. Crawled into bed around 2am and couldnt sleep for the life of me. I was hot, I was cold, I was in pain. Phone rang a bit after 3am, I ended up on the phone talking until about 530am. It was actually good because I wasnt sleeping anyway. Yes, I watched the sunrise. A phenomenon I havent witnessed in God knows how long. I want to get out to the lookout by Vins and watch the sunrise over the Housy one morning. It would be beautiful. So I finally fell asleep sometime between 6 and 7, only to be awoken by my parents around 8, then again around 9. About 10 my phone started ringing pretty regularly again so I gave up on sleep and got up to start my day.
Going out to New Paltz NY was discussed. Ive never had sushi. A variety of people find this appaling. Sorry. Itll happen someday. That fell through seeing as my parents took the liberty of planning my life for the day. My spare time was spent going through my "Niks Stuff Do NOT Open" box and adding more too it. Theres some memories in there, all right. Got me thinking about and missing certain people. I then created a box for some other themed items and papers that mean a lot to me, to the tune of Coldplay "The Scientist". Nobody said it was easy/no one ever said it would be this hard/ Im going back to the start. Wasnt easy stuff. Get the car from Milford, church, then the second night of Kyles show followed by an appearance at the Elks Club. And thats just what I did. Tried to grab a nap in between but no one could leave me the hell alone so it didnt happen, again. Matt Allan accompanied me to the show tonight. I love Matt, hes a sweetheart. My grandfather, great-grandfather and a variety of other family members were there. Brought Matt home, then went back out to the Elks to meet the familia.
My mother, of course, warned me repeatedly of the various hazards associated with being a lone female walking across the Derby green at night. Gotta watch out for the hoodlums in the smallest town in the Valley. Uh huh, yeah. Shot some pool with Kyle, I won, thats right. Im gonna gloat now. Talked with some of the adults, then some of the not-quite adults. Made my graceful exit to go meet up with some people. They ended up wanting to go to the bar for the night, and wanting me to go with them. Due to my lack of sleep, as well as not wanting to deal with the rigors of being under-21 when everyone you know and hang out with is 21 I chose to pass. The guys didnt like that much and, of course, begged and gave me the appropriate amount of hell. They lost out in the end. As Mr. Decho said to my mother when she was upset that I was walking to my car by myself, "I pity the guy that tried to jump *her*". I, for one, pity the person that tries to coerce me into doing something I dont feel like doing. As you can see, Im here, the lost in the end.
Im experiencing something I havent had a problem with yet. Ive heard Mike complain before about not being able to accompany his 21+ friends to the bars, out at night, etc. Its never been a problem for me. This trip home has changed all that. I dont like to wish my life away, but I really do need to turn 21 already. Then I can stop aging and Ill be all set. Lots of dissapointments lately as well. Everytime I think I know what I want, and I think Im going to get it, its gone. I really need something good to happen to me right now in that respect. Tonight Im just feeling rawly dissapointed in people and situations in general. Driving home in a cold lonely rain didnt help all that much. Im sick of being dissapointed by people especially. It seems to be a trend lately. Im losing faith in a lot of things. It just doesnt make sense to me. Maybe I give people more credit than they deserve. If I see something in you I tend to defend it starkly. Dont let me down.
I think its about time I drag myself off to bed. I have to deal with Mothers Day festivities tommorow. I also have to deal with any fall-out from the past few nights. I guess tommorow is just another day (and I dont believe in time). I got a bit of good news today though, something to look forward to. Also got my summer training schedule. I cant believe over half my time in Shelton is over. Time flies I guess. Gotta make the most of what is left. Good night, sleep tight...
*So Im back to the velvet underground. Back to the floor that I love. To a room with some lace and paper flowers. Back to the gypsy that I was, to the gypsy that I was. And it all comes down to you. Well you know that it does, well. Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice. Oh and it lights up the night. And you see your gypsy. To the gypsy that remains. She faces freedom with a little fear. Well I have no fear. And if I was a child and the child was enough. Enough for me to love. Enough to love. She is dancing away from you now. She was just a wish. And her memory is all that she left for you now. And you see your gypsy. And it all comes down to you. It all comes down to you.*
Lesson(s) of the Day:
-Dont mess with me.
-Roxbury, Derby. Lets see where Im gonna walk alone tonight.
-Sometimes nothing makes sense.
-Dont let me down.
-Dont let me become a memory.
-You light up my night, but youll never know it.
-Sometime we have to do difficult things, even if its a little late.
-Who needs sleep anyway.
-Happy Mothers Day!
-Life just a bit below 21 kinda sucks.
-Facing freedom with a little fear.