Late night reminiscing
So Bradley and i have been hanging out sort a lot lately. And i have been loving every moment of it. And this is what scares me. I worked so hard to get over him, to be whole without him, to be okay without him in my life. And then he just waltzes back in, like no big deal. And in a way, it's not. I have not tried to stop him, i have been enjoying myself and having fun and absolutely adoring his company. And i guess really nothing is wrong. It just scares me how much we as human beings are capable of loving. I cannot even imagine how much God loves. Every time i try to put into words or even into thoughts the extent to which i love Brad, i am speechless. It's like my brain will not even form vague notions of how much because it is impossible to convey. I so,so,so want the best for him, whether that includes me or not. And it makes me sad to think that one day in the future he might not be happy or that someone out there is hurting him and all i can think is how much i want to protect him from any form of hurt or pain forever. I know i must be going out on a limb because i am about to start my period but i just feel so strongly about all this. I still know that i can live a happy and fulfilling life even if i do not end up with Brad. But i do not know how i could live with myself knowing he was unhappy. So, as of right now, that's the only thing i wish for out of all of this.