Sleep and going to class are imperitives.
However, since I'm not tired, I feel like it might be time to update this just a tiny bit. I'd like to say that updating will again become a regular thing, but I certainly can't promise. I say that pretty much every time I update. But maybe I'll get really bored at work again over the summer...haha we'll see.
The obvious problem with updating a live journal is that other people can read it. I know that that is rather obvious, but sometimes I feel really brave and say "I'm just going to post everything I think about blah blah blah because so and so should know how I feel" and then I think about it for about 10 seconds and realize that any time that I've tried something like that, it has not worked out. Life isn't like a movie. You can't go up to someone and say "I miss you. Break up with her, she doesn't know you like I do" and expect for things to change. I think I've been watching WAY too much WB lately, and sometimes I actually think that speaking your mind will change something. But it doesn't work out that way, at least not for me, at least not with him. But thats fine, and I'm moving on.
Summer will be good...I really am excited about the people, and being in LA, and being so close to HB and so on. I'm really not sure how I feel about the probability of having to live alone, but I think that it actually might work out in the end. I won't be THAT isolated, and I feel like having some space might be good for me too. I don't know, we'll see how it all comes together. Anything is better than Prather, right? haha
I know its kinda lame...but I still miss Floosie. I'm not even there to miss her but I still think about her all the time. I was just so attached to those dogs. Lady is still fine...for now. I don't have much faith that she'll live much longer though. I kind of just feel like those dogs were/are a sign of my childhood. I know I'm supposed to be a big mature almost 4th year and so on, but I don't want to be. I don't want to turn 20, I don't want to have to be an adult. I feel like I've been taking on so much responsibility for so long, I wish it would just start. I started working younger than a lot of people I know, I started paying my cell phone bill/insurance/fixing my car and so on a lot sooner than other people had to. I think I've finally adjusted to this level of maturity...the place where I have to take care of everything myself, but I still have some structure to my routine. I have to go to school, I have to go to work, I have to pay my bills. Thats fine. But what about after next year? I'll still have to do everything, but I won't have school as a crutch. I know everyone is going through this right now. I just feel like I'm not mentally prepared. Someone told me tonight that I shouldn't worry because I'm so young, that I could just take a year or two off after school is over. And do what? Go live at "home" in Prather and work at the Bally's? Yeah, not an option. But what ARE my options?
I need to stop getting so distracted.
I need to get things off my chest.
I need reassurance.
I need sleep.
The obvious problem with updating a live journal is that other people can read it. I know that that is rather obvious, but sometimes I feel really brave and say "I'm just going to post everything I think about blah blah blah because so and so should know how I feel" and then I think about it for about 10 seconds and realize that any time that I've tried something like that, it has not worked out. Life isn't like a movie. You can't go up to someone and say "I miss you. Break up with her, she doesn't know you like I do" and expect for things to change. I think I've been watching WAY too much WB lately, and sometimes I actually think that speaking your mind will change something. But it doesn't work out that way, at least not for me, at least not with him. But thats fine, and I'm moving on.
Summer will be good...I really am excited about the people, and being in LA, and being so close to HB and so on. I'm really not sure how I feel about the probability of having to live alone, but I think that it actually might work out in the end. I won't be THAT isolated, and I feel like having some space might be good for me too. I don't know, we'll see how it all comes together. Anything is better than Prather, right? haha
I know its kinda lame...but I still miss Floosie. I'm not even there to miss her but I still think about her all the time. I was just so attached to those dogs. Lady is still fine...for now. I don't have much faith that she'll live much longer though. I kind of just feel like those dogs were/are a sign of my childhood. I know I'm supposed to be a big mature almost 4th year and so on, but I don't want to be. I don't want to turn 20, I don't want to have to be an adult. I feel like I've been taking on so much responsibility for so long, I wish it would just start. I started working younger than a lot of people I know, I started paying my cell phone bill/insurance/fixing my car and so on a lot sooner than other people had to. I think I've finally adjusted to this level of maturity...the place where I have to take care of everything myself, but I still have some structure to my routine. I have to go to school, I have to go to work, I have to pay my bills. Thats fine. But what about after next year? I'll still have to do everything, but I won't have school as a crutch. I know everyone is going through this right now. I just feel like I'm not mentally prepared. Someone told me tonight that I shouldn't worry because I'm so young, that I could just take a year or two off after school is over. And do what? Go live at "home" in Prather and work at the Bally's? Yeah, not an option. But what ARE my options?
I need to stop getting so distracted.
I need to get things off my chest.
I need reassurance.
I need sleep.