I swear by the moon and the stars and the sky....
Hey! I havent written in a LONNNG time. I guess ive just been busy. Alot has been going on and what not. I have a new crush though, his name is justin but the bad part is....one of my best friends likes him too and I think he likes her. He says he doesnt but I know he does and I dunno. She told me tonight walking home that Maybe her and him click better and maybe I would click better with someone else....YA THANKS! luv ya too (im being sarcastic for everyone who cant sense it) Well I came home and started thinking. Maybe somethings wrong with me. I think if I correct all my flaws and get a high self esteem I wont be the way I am. I started making myself throw up again tonight. I know its bad but I cant help it. But to be totally and completely honest.....It makes me feel better after I do it, like im empty inside and it washes away all my troubles. I know its really bad but hey its how I feel and well this is what this journal is for. What just kills me is that everyone knows me n laura like justin, but everyone is giving LAURA advice on how to get him and its like HELLO!!!!!! i like him too. It just pisses me off. I think Justin is out of my league tho. Brian said me n Laura are "Baby food" because weve never done anything with guys (sexually) well Lauras givin head ONCE but I havent and I guess that puts her ahead of me, but not by much. I think that I am a complete turnoff to guys. but why? am i that ugly? im so confused right now and I dunno. Im not depressed or anything. I just am confused WELL on a lighter note Katlyns birthday party was fun this past weekend!! We played manhunt and a dog chased us. The only bad part was having to talk to chris about my drinking. I know him and katlyn care about me but I dunno I feel like its no big deal and they say that im gonna get addicted to alcohol or something and I think i can stop and I know thats what they all say but I feel like im different than everyone else. Dont know Dont care ALL I KNOW IS IM DRINKING THIS WEEKEND!! THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY!! but not monday because we have school on tuesday. So hah. Its not like I dont care about what they say because I do its just I think i can stop and no when to stop. I told chris to stop, but did he listen to me???? uh no. lol wow im a bitch. Its like I dont care about my friends. I may not show it much but I love each and every one of them whether they know it or not. Well now that this entry makes no sense whatsoever I am going to end it for today. Im gonna try to update everyday now because it allows me to let out all my feelings. K gots ta go so wit an X and an O im out like WOAH!!! lol j/k
~*!Amber!*~
~*!Amber!*~