Thermo-dynamic miracles and changing the world.
I wish I could make all of you happy. I want to change your minds. About yourself. The way you handle the shitty situations life throws at you. Your level of self-consciousness. The way you deal with parental situations. I wish I could make you as happy as I think you deserve to be. Content with life, but never settling, and always acknowledging the possibilities.
They tell you growing up that life isn't fair. "Nobody told me it was easy, but nobody said it would be this hard."
What you can't understand when you first hear about the injustice of life is how you feel when you truly experience it. It's the sick feeling you get when you've studied all the wrong things for the test, or when your boyfriend stops looking at you like he used to. When your mother tells you she just "stopped loving" your father. When you first realize that love is hardly ever how Disney makes it seem. Betrayal. Being used.
What they need to teach us is that there will be moments that will blind you. Moments where you'll be pretty sure that being dead would be better than living in this hell, this purgatory. Some parents will tell you that it's the devil working on your soul. Doctors will blame it on a chemical imbalance. Scientists will blame it on genetics. Friends will tell you that it will be okay. And siblings will hold you because they need you like you need them.
What we need to be taught is not that life is unjust, because we learn this at a young age and it stays very blatant throughout the entirety of our lives.
What we need to be taught is that, yes, life will throw you curve balls. You'll think you can't handle it. There will be things that haunt you. They'll go away for a while but come back tenfold and knock you off of your feet. But every emotion should be embraced. Cry if you're sad. Protect yourself when you're scared. Laugh whenever you can. Smile when you're happy. Sleep when you're tired. Eat when you're hungry. It's sad that sometimes we have to be told that it's okay to feel.
What we need to be taught is that our existence is absolutely necessary. Despite religion, customs and culture, nobody planned you. I mean, sure, your mother and father may have said "If it's a girl, I'll name her..". But they have NO idea with what they're going to be dealt. Certain genes can be passed down, but they're somewhat irrelevant considering circumstance plays an unfortunately huge role in who we become. There's no luck. No coincidence. Only significance and what we make of our circumstances. Losing track...
What I'm saying is exactly what was said in Watchmen.."To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood." In the grand scheme of things, having the privilege of being alive is something that is under-appreciated. Maybe in 30 years no body will remember you...but what are you doing about it? "The goal is not to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." Chuck Palahniuk. My favorite.
When I started this entry, I was in the same dark place I'm in almost every night. I don't know how to change that, but I know that I'll figure it out.
They tell you growing up that life isn't fair. "Nobody told me it was easy, but nobody said it would be this hard."
What you can't understand when you first hear about the injustice of life is how you feel when you truly experience it. It's the sick feeling you get when you've studied all the wrong things for the test, or when your boyfriend stops looking at you like he used to. When your mother tells you she just "stopped loving" your father. When you first realize that love is hardly ever how Disney makes it seem. Betrayal. Being used.
What they need to teach us is that there will be moments that will blind you. Moments where you'll be pretty sure that being dead would be better than living in this hell, this purgatory. Some parents will tell you that it's the devil working on your soul. Doctors will blame it on a chemical imbalance. Scientists will blame it on genetics. Friends will tell you that it will be okay. And siblings will hold you because they need you like you need them.
What we need to be taught is not that life is unjust, because we learn this at a young age and it stays very blatant throughout the entirety of our lives.
What we need to be taught is that, yes, life will throw you curve balls. You'll think you can't handle it. There will be things that haunt you. They'll go away for a while but come back tenfold and knock you off of your feet. But every emotion should be embraced. Cry if you're sad. Protect yourself when you're scared. Laugh whenever you can. Smile when you're happy. Sleep when you're tired. Eat when you're hungry. It's sad that sometimes we have to be told that it's okay to feel.
What we need to be taught is that our existence is absolutely necessary. Despite religion, customs and culture, nobody planned you. I mean, sure, your mother and father may have said "If it's a girl, I'll name her..". But they have NO idea with what they're going to be dealt. Certain genes can be passed down, but they're somewhat irrelevant considering circumstance plays an unfortunately huge role in who we become. There's no luck. No coincidence. Only significance and what we make of our circumstances. Losing track...
What I'm saying is exactly what was said in Watchmen.."To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood." In the grand scheme of things, having the privilege of being alive is something that is under-appreciated. Maybe in 30 years no body will remember you...but what are you doing about it? "The goal is not to live forever. The goal is to create something that will." Chuck Palahniuk. My favorite.
When I started this entry, I was in the same dark place I'm in almost every night. I don't know how to change that, but I know that I'll figure it out.