(no subject)
Today, I initiated the process of withdrawing from my course at university.
The past six months or so have been really difficult for me. I suffered a fairly major CFS crash/relapse last October, just a few weeks into my second year of university. At first, it seemed like I would just need to take a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate, but as the weeks dragged on and I still couldn't get out of bed, all hope of continuing in a normal fashion dwindled away. I kept in regular contact with the relevant departments - the disability service and my academic tutors - and made sure that they were aware of the situation. They seemed fairly supportive and urged me to focus on getting better and not worry about my coursework. Unfortunately, by the time January and the exam period came around, I still wasn't sufficiently well to be able to study and get in and take the exams. The situation has been tenuous since then, with a lot of back-and-forth from department to department sending emails and trying to figure out how to work around it. It is now April, and the whole thing is just a huge mess. My health is improved, but still nowhere near the levels of functionality that I was managing back in September. Despite my best efforts, I have had to withdraw from my course - it became apparent that the only way I would be able to continue academically would be to take a retrospective Leave of Absence, starting from October. Unfortunately, if I did that I would owe Student Finance England a sum in the region of £4,000 that I have been "overpaid" since that time - any overpayments are taken off your future entitlement to student finance. Basically, the only way that the academics would allow me to continue would leave me with 60% less income next year. That is not a financially viable option. It is possible that between myself, Gareth, my parents and my extended family, there might have been some way to keep me supported during that time. I did consider just trying to make the money work and seeing how it went. If I am completely honest with myself, though, I don't dare to risk it - as I said, my health has not picked back up as much as I had hoped, and I am not sure that I would be able to physically continue with a full-time course. I couldn't live with myself if I had borrowed money from people in order to keep the finances ticking over and then my health caused me to have to quit anyway. I would rather just stop now and reformulate a plan for my future. In a way, I am glad the whole situation is resolved in some manner - I have spent the past 6 months tearing myself to pieces and stressing out over it. Perhaps now I can truly focus on getting better.
So, what happens now?
For now, I am focussing on getting "well" again. This goes for both my physical and mental health. For the latter, I have been referred to my Community Mental Health Team and am in the early stages of getting some kind of treatment plan worked out. I also have an Occupational Therapist coming to do a home visit on Friday to establish my physical needs.
Tomorrow, I am going to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and... well, get some advice. I am going to have to sign on for some benefits, and I'm not really sure which ones or what to do. Right now, I don't consider myself to be "fit for work", but my relatively-short-term-goal is to get myself ready and into some kind of part-time work - by "relatively short-term" I mean preferably be ready to do so within the next 6 months-ish, but I will have to see how mean the jobcentre people are to me and how quickly/effectively my recovery plan works. I understand you can't put a timer on your health, but it is also important to have goals. So yes, benefits and eventual jobsearch.
The more long-term plan, as in a few years time when I have saved up some funding and willpower and brainpower to do so, is to continue my degree. Not at Aston, and not full-time, but continue nonetheless. I have been looking at Open University courses and I should be able to transfer the credits from my first year towards a Psychology degree with them. I am hoping that distance-learning will be a much better option for me as I will hopefully be able to fit it into the hours that I am actually well and awake enough to concentrate, whenever those hours occur.
So yes, I have quit university. It is very frightening, a little disappointing and making me feel like a bit of a failure. But I am also convinced that it was the best choice for the time being, given the circumstances. Still, I am a bit of an anxious wreck about it. I am hoping these feelings will settle with time.
In other news...
I can't remember if I told you guys or not, but we have a cat now! Her name is Sylvanas (or Sylv or Sylvie), and she is mental and lovely. We've had her about 7 weeks now. Did I blog about it? I should have done, but perhaps I didn't. Hmm. Anyway, cat! Yes.
Also, I am not sure how many PC gamers I have on my flist, but anyone who is around and uses Steam, feel free to add me to friends. I am trying to get into playing some different PC games - so far I have Dragon Age: Origins and Magicka, the latter being hilarious for multiplayer exploding wizards.
The past six months or so have been really difficult for me. I suffered a fairly major CFS crash/relapse last October, just a few weeks into my second year of university. At first, it seemed like I would just need to take a couple of weeks off to rest and recuperate, but as the weeks dragged on and I still couldn't get out of bed, all hope of continuing in a normal fashion dwindled away. I kept in regular contact with the relevant departments - the disability service and my academic tutors - and made sure that they were aware of the situation. They seemed fairly supportive and urged me to focus on getting better and not worry about my coursework. Unfortunately, by the time January and the exam period came around, I still wasn't sufficiently well to be able to study and get in and take the exams. The situation has been tenuous since then, with a lot of back-and-forth from department to department sending emails and trying to figure out how to work around it. It is now April, and the whole thing is just a huge mess. My health is improved, but still nowhere near the levels of functionality that I was managing back in September. Despite my best efforts, I have had to withdraw from my course - it became apparent that the only way I would be able to continue academically would be to take a retrospective Leave of Absence, starting from October. Unfortunately, if I did that I would owe Student Finance England a sum in the region of £4,000 that I have been "overpaid" since that time - any overpayments are taken off your future entitlement to student finance. Basically, the only way that the academics would allow me to continue would leave me with 60% less income next year. That is not a financially viable option. It is possible that between myself, Gareth, my parents and my extended family, there might have been some way to keep me supported during that time. I did consider just trying to make the money work and seeing how it went. If I am completely honest with myself, though, I don't dare to risk it - as I said, my health has not picked back up as much as I had hoped, and I am not sure that I would be able to physically continue with a full-time course. I couldn't live with myself if I had borrowed money from people in order to keep the finances ticking over and then my health caused me to have to quit anyway. I would rather just stop now and reformulate a plan for my future. In a way, I am glad the whole situation is resolved in some manner - I have spent the past 6 months tearing myself to pieces and stressing out over it. Perhaps now I can truly focus on getting better.
So, what happens now?
For now, I am focussing on getting "well" again. This goes for both my physical and mental health. For the latter, I have been referred to my Community Mental Health Team and am in the early stages of getting some kind of treatment plan worked out. I also have an Occupational Therapist coming to do a home visit on Friday to establish my physical needs.
Tomorrow, I am going to go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and... well, get some advice. I am going to have to sign on for some benefits, and I'm not really sure which ones or what to do. Right now, I don't consider myself to be "fit for work", but my relatively-short-term-goal is to get myself ready and into some kind of part-time work - by "relatively short-term" I mean preferably be ready to do so within the next 6 months-ish, but I will have to see how mean the jobcentre people are to me and how quickly/effectively my recovery plan works. I understand you can't put a timer on your health, but it is also important to have goals. So yes, benefits and eventual jobsearch.
The more long-term plan, as in a few years time when I have saved up some funding and willpower and brainpower to do so, is to continue my degree. Not at Aston, and not full-time, but continue nonetheless. I have been looking at Open University courses and I should be able to transfer the credits from my first year towards a Psychology degree with them. I am hoping that distance-learning will be a much better option for me as I will hopefully be able to fit it into the hours that I am actually well and awake enough to concentrate, whenever those hours occur.
So yes, I have quit university. It is very frightening, a little disappointing and making me feel like a bit of a failure. But I am also convinced that it was the best choice for the time being, given the circumstances. Still, I am a bit of an anxious wreck about it. I am hoping these feelings will settle with time.
In other news...
I can't remember if I told you guys or not, but we have a cat now! Her name is Sylvanas (or Sylv or Sylvie), and she is mental and lovely. We've had her about 7 weeks now. Did I blog about it? I should have done, but perhaps I didn't. Hmm. Anyway, cat! Yes.
Also, I am not sure how many PC gamers I have on my flist, but anyone who is around and uses Steam, feel free to add me to friends. I am trying to get into playing some different PC games - so far I have Dragon Age: Origins and Magicka, the latter being hilarious for multiplayer exploding wizards.