(no subject)

[pixienamedkatie]

I keep dreaming about Bob magically deciding that he'd made a mistake and wanted to take me back. I say dreaming, but it's more like a nightmare, due to the fact that a) he does not want me back and thinking he does just makes it harder to deal with, and b) I don't even want him back. Last night/this morning I had one of these nightmares, and tried to just go back to sleep but it didn't help. I was really upset all this morning to the point of throwing up, called Grandma to see if I could visit her today but she hasn't called back yet. Talked to Sam a bit, she kept insisting that I go for a walk and I kept insisting I was too upset to. Eventually I went for this walk and I can't say it honestly helped much, but I do have to realise that it does not actually matter if Bob cares for me or not--this is my life, and I'm the only one who can make it any better. It irks me that he's out there, in the world, being happy. After what he did to me, he doesn't really deserve to be happy at the moment really. Most of the time though, I do wish him happiness (possibly because I am not a massive jerk) but sometimes I just feel he should get some sort of payback. Perhaps eventually karma will get him, but he's never really faced any concequences in his life for what he's done.

Another thing that made me upset this morning was the news that the toddler Michael was out all night searching for with the SES was found dead this morning. My thoughts are with the family, whom apparently one of my other friends knows.

I am sick of not having anything positive or non-sad to post.