LJ Idol Season 8: Week 36(C); Dedication
Staring at the page before me, I realized this was much harder than writing the other three hundred and twelve pages had been. My novel, almost complete. Just one more thing to get through that I’ve been putting off and putting off.
Stumped, I asked around, "Who would you dedicate a book to?”
The secretary at my day-job said she would dedicate it to her parents for raising her right and making her believe that she can do anything in life. But even after she said that, sadness shone in her eyes.
"And yet... Here I sit a secretary... So maybe that’s not true?”
I left her to ponder that sentiment. My parents? Were they to thank for my success as a writer?
**********
"Why do you want to study English? It’s a waste of time in this economy...”
"I’m paying for school myself mom, it’s my choice.”
"Well I suppose you could be an English teacher, though they don’t get paid very much...”
"I already told you, I want to write.”
"You know what your dad and I think about that...”
"I know, I know... A waste of time...”
"We just think you should be a little more practical.”
We’d had this conversation countless times since I mentioned my desire to go back to school. Being a woman in her 30’s who’d worked a dead end job for far too long, I wanted to finally do something that I wanted to do with my life. I was tired of being practical.
They took every chance they could to tell me what a mistake I had made.
*********
No, not them.
My cousin Sherry had other ideas. As we sat by the pool, she put her romance novel down for a second to answer my question, "The love of my life of course! I’m not anything without my man!”
Sherry was single, so I wasn’t about to ask her what man she was talking about. I had a feeling he was tall, dark and handsome with a face like the Fabio type on the cover of her book.
My husband? Did he help or encourage me?
*********
"You spend all evening on that damn computer. I’m tired of it, Tara.”
"You know this is my dream, what I’ve always wanted to do...”
The baby screaming in the other room always distracted me, I’d ask Charles to feed her since he was watching TV right next to her, "It’s your turn. I’m tired of playing the part of a single dad.”
I’d climb out of bed at 4 am to write before the baby woke up. He’d moan and groan about me being ridiculous and how I should come back to bed already.
********
He didn’t provide any relief or help, he only tried to stand in the way of my dreams... then he had me served with divorce papers at work.
Standing on a bus one day, I asked the man sitting beside me who looked open to conversation, "Who would you dedicate your book to, if you had one?”
An enormous smile spread across his face as he pulled out The Holy Bible... "Well, Christ did die for our sins so we could live free....” He kept blathering on and on and I stopped listening for a bit. “And above all else, we have our lord Jesus Christ and his Heavenly Father to thank for everything in this life. Is there really anyone better to dedicate your achievement to than the almighty God who blessed you with your talents?”
Luckily, my stop was next, "Uhhh yes, how silly of me to not realize it. Thank God for my gifts and talents, got it.” I stood up and hurried off the bus as quickly as possible, hoping he didn’t smell the atheism all over me.
Screw that, I thought to myself. I worked hard for my talents. I stayed up late to study for my degree. I submitted to agents and publishing houses and got countless form rejection letters sent back to me before one agent was willing to go out on a limb, giving me some feedback. I tweaked my pieces. Working two jobs, taking care of a baby, I never slept a full night. I had to be up early to write and stay up late to get anything done.
Thank God for blessing me with this novel? My parents? My husband? Hell no. I worked my ass off for this. The only person who really made this all possible was.... Me.
My dedication page came easily after that.
All the long hours writing away, forfeiting sleep and free time, sacrificing a relationship with my parents who thought me impractical, losing friends because of it, having my husband cheat on me with another woman who had the time to cater to his every whim, all of this and a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears made this book possible. Without losing so much, I may not have found the most important thing… myself. And without that, this book may have never come to be.
(Yes, part C of Hell Week... This is the first of six entries, none of them connected so read at your leisure. I want to thank copyright1983 for the brainstorming help with this idea. Please consider reading all the great entries this week over at therealljidol. With so many entries, not many people have a chance to read them all, so if you could pop over and give the other writers some love, I know they'd appreciate it! Thanks again!)