LJ Idol Season 8: Week 10; Sticks and Stones (and whatever else she might get in her mouth too)
Having a giant dog comes with its own set of challenges. The biggest one I’ve had to face so far is with the giant mouth that comes attached to that dog. It always starts the same way. First, some sniffing around, which I know is normal dog behavior. She sniffs and sniffs, I lose interest in watching her sniff... But then when I least expect it, I notice her chewing on something.
The next step is always fishing whatever it is out of her big mouth. Her jaws clench shut tighter than a bear trap. She refuses to listen to commands like "Drop it!” and she tries so hard to swallow whatever it is before I can grab it. I have pulled a great many things from her mouth like sticks, rocks and once, I reached into her slobbery maw only to pull out a pile of soggy cat poo for my efforts. Many times she’s already swallowed some mystery item before I could stop her. I often only find out what it was after it come out the other end. As you can tell, Annabelle just isn’t too picky about what she chews on.
But for the most part, sticks are my girl’s choice in chew toys. Annabelle doesn’t merely like to play with them, she likes to eat them whole. I always go the usual route and try to make her "Drop it!”, which causes her nervous jaw clenching and eventual attempts to swallow. One day, I was standing out with fellow dog owners, when I made her drop a stick. I took it and tossed it away only to realize that Annabelle was pawing at her mouth and gagging. She was trying to stick her paw far down her throat and it took me a few seconds to realize that she was choking. I panicked, and one of the other dog-owners told me to reach down and get it. She held onto my giant beast of a dog, and without thinking, I plunged my hand down her throat. I felt the offending piece of stick standing straight up in the back of her throat, but I couldn’t grab it because of my poor girl’s gagging fit. I pulled my hand out, and she threw up the stick onto the ground at our feet. This ranks up there as one of the most frightening experiences of my life, and has encouraged me to seek out pet CPR classes in the near future.
Another time, I had just been eliminated from my rookie LJ Idol season. That would be Season 6 if you’re scoring at home. I stared at the closing of the poll in sadness for a few moments before turning to check on Annabelle, only to find that she’d found a way to amuse herself. There was a bottle of lube, as in KY Jelly, that somehow got left out. She must like the taste of plastic or perhaps the lube itself, because the bottle had been chewed to shreds and the liquid inside was nowhere to be seen.
Panic set in after the initial shock wore off. I called the vet, assuming that there were likely a million different toxic chemicals inside that little plastic bottle, all of which could kill her at any moment. I hadn’t thought of how I would phrase it, I just blurted it out to the lucky person who happened to be working phones that day.
"My dog ate lube!”
The receptionist asked me to clarify what I meant by that, and I had no choice but to go into the gory details of what exactly she had consumed.
"Lube? As in KY Jelly?” The girl giggled over the phone. She didn’t even try to hide it.
Obviously trying to further my humiliation and torment, she had to get a vet tech on the phone, forcing me to repeat the entire incident to the tech. I had to assure her that yes, I meant the personal lubricant often used during sex. She also giggled, though she tried to hide it a bit better than the first girl had.
"Is it the warming kind?”
I thought to myself, "What kind of question is that?!?”
I assured her that no, it was the plain, vanilla style sexual lube that’s been around for decades. Nothing fancy for us.
A piece of helpful news for you dog owners out there - apparently, the warming lubricant is the more dangerous of the KY line. The regular stuff? Only causes oily poop, which is the least of my concerns really. However, I now know that I shouldn’t stock up the warming or sensation kinds of lube just in case her craving strikes again. You’re welcome.
Oily poop as I mentioned earlier, doesn’t bother me. Likely because it’s like an adventure or a treasure hunt when Annabelle poops. She’s managed to sneak all kinds of things that I never knew were missing until they made an appearance after a potty break.
Just a few weeks ago, she got into a travel Monopoly set while I was sleeping. I got the directions out to see what items I needed to find on my scavenger hunt across my living room.
Game board. Check. A little rough around the edges, but still intact for the most part.
2 red hotel pieces. Check (after I looked under the couch, that is).
4 green houses. I found 3.
I searched everywhere, under the coffee table, back under the couch, under the kitchen table... No green Monopoly house to be found. I called the emergency vet (which I have on speed dial) and they said there was no way to x-ray for such a thing since it was plastic. They told me that if she experienced any vomiting or pain that I was to bring her in, but likely it would merely pass through without any issues since she is a big dog and the piece was so small.
So all I could do was watch and wait. Which I did, though I eventually forgot about the little house making an appearance. I assumed it was still hiding away in my living room somewhere. Later that day at the dog park, I walked over to clean up after her and lo and behold, there was the Monopoly house sitting gloriously atop a mountain of crap. The vet techs were right.
Who wants to come over to my house for a game of Monopoly after hearing that story? Anyone? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Over the years, I’ve lost many books, cell phone chargers, panties, socks, and even a few Christmas ornaments among other things. Nothing is safe with my dog around, she will eat anything and everything in her path. I take every precaution to safeguard not just my home, but my giant puppy from herself. I’ve crate trained her, and I take her to the dog park daily to wear her out. As well as to keep my house intact.
You would think that the array of such frightening experiences Annabelle has endured might teach her to think before putting any random thing in her mouth. Alas, no. She still eats, or tries to eat, whatever she can manage to get her jaws on.
Regardless of all this, I love my goofy girl and couldn’t ask for a better dog. I just wish she could go for a walk without me having to pull a dozen sticks, rocks, or cat poop from her mouth. Or that I didn’t have to worry about her swallowing a tennis ball whole. But alas, I love my beast. And I will always go to great lengths to keep her safe, even if that length is down her throat to retrieve a stick she just couldn’t resist swallowing. Life is always an adventure with my giant dog around.
"Sock? What sock?" - Annabelle (For the visually impaired: the photo is of my Great Dane with a black sock hanging from her mouth with a look of innocence plastered upon her face.)
The next step is always fishing whatever it is out of her big mouth. Her jaws clench shut tighter than a bear trap. She refuses to listen to commands like "Drop it!” and she tries so hard to swallow whatever it is before I can grab it. I have pulled a great many things from her mouth like sticks, rocks and once, I reached into her slobbery maw only to pull out a pile of soggy cat poo for my efforts. Many times she’s already swallowed some mystery item before I could stop her. I often only find out what it was after it come out the other end. As you can tell, Annabelle just isn’t too picky about what she chews on.
But for the most part, sticks are my girl’s choice in chew toys. Annabelle doesn’t merely like to play with them, she likes to eat them whole. I always go the usual route and try to make her "Drop it!”, which causes her nervous jaw clenching and eventual attempts to swallow. One day, I was standing out with fellow dog owners, when I made her drop a stick. I took it and tossed it away only to realize that Annabelle was pawing at her mouth and gagging. She was trying to stick her paw far down her throat and it took me a few seconds to realize that she was choking. I panicked, and one of the other dog-owners told me to reach down and get it. She held onto my giant beast of a dog, and without thinking, I plunged my hand down her throat. I felt the offending piece of stick standing straight up in the back of her throat, but I couldn’t grab it because of my poor girl’s gagging fit. I pulled my hand out, and she threw up the stick onto the ground at our feet. This ranks up there as one of the most frightening experiences of my life, and has encouraged me to seek out pet CPR classes in the near future.
Another time, I had just been eliminated from my rookie LJ Idol season. That would be Season 6 if you’re scoring at home. I stared at the closing of the poll in sadness for a few moments before turning to check on Annabelle, only to find that she’d found a way to amuse herself. There was a bottle of lube, as in KY Jelly, that somehow got left out. She must like the taste of plastic or perhaps the lube itself, because the bottle had been chewed to shreds and the liquid inside was nowhere to be seen.
Panic set in after the initial shock wore off. I called the vet, assuming that there were likely a million different toxic chemicals inside that little plastic bottle, all of which could kill her at any moment. I hadn’t thought of how I would phrase it, I just blurted it out to the lucky person who happened to be working phones that day.
"My dog ate lube!”
The receptionist asked me to clarify what I meant by that, and I had no choice but to go into the gory details of what exactly she had consumed.
"Lube? As in KY Jelly?” The girl giggled over the phone. She didn’t even try to hide it.
Obviously trying to further my humiliation and torment, she had to get a vet tech on the phone, forcing me to repeat the entire incident to the tech. I had to assure her that yes, I meant the personal lubricant often used during sex. She also giggled, though she tried to hide it a bit better than the first girl had.
"Is it the warming kind?”
I thought to myself, "What kind of question is that?!?”
I assured her that no, it was the plain, vanilla style sexual lube that’s been around for decades. Nothing fancy for us.
A piece of helpful news for you dog owners out there - apparently, the warming lubricant is the more dangerous of the KY line. The regular stuff? Only causes oily poop, which is the least of my concerns really. However, I now know that I shouldn’t stock up the warming or sensation kinds of lube just in case her craving strikes again. You’re welcome.
Oily poop as I mentioned earlier, doesn’t bother me. Likely because it’s like an adventure or a treasure hunt when Annabelle poops. She’s managed to sneak all kinds of things that I never knew were missing until they made an appearance after a potty break.
Just a few weeks ago, she got into a travel Monopoly set while I was sleeping. I got the directions out to see what items I needed to find on my scavenger hunt across my living room.
Game board. Check. A little rough around the edges, but still intact for the most part.
2 red hotel pieces. Check (after I looked under the couch, that is).
4 green houses. I found 3.
I searched everywhere, under the coffee table, back under the couch, under the kitchen table... No green Monopoly house to be found. I called the emergency vet (which I have on speed dial) and they said there was no way to x-ray for such a thing since it was plastic. They told me that if she experienced any vomiting or pain that I was to bring her in, but likely it would merely pass through without any issues since she is a big dog and the piece was so small.
So all I could do was watch and wait. Which I did, though I eventually forgot about the little house making an appearance. I assumed it was still hiding away in my living room somewhere. Later that day at the dog park, I walked over to clean up after her and lo and behold, there was the Monopoly house sitting gloriously atop a mountain of crap. The vet techs were right.
Who wants to come over to my house for a game of Monopoly after hearing that story? Anyone? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Over the years, I’ve lost many books, cell phone chargers, panties, socks, and even a few Christmas ornaments among other things. Nothing is safe with my dog around, she will eat anything and everything in her path. I take every precaution to safeguard not just my home, but my giant puppy from herself. I’ve crate trained her, and I take her to the dog park daily to wear her out. As well as to keep my house intact.
You would think that the array of such frightening experiences Annabelle has endured might teach her to think before putting any random thing in her mouth. Alas, no. She still eats, or tries to eat, whatever she can manage to get her jaws on.
Regardless of all this, I love my goofy girl and couldn’t ask for a better dog. I just wish she could go for a walk without me having to pull a dozen sticks, rocks, or cat poop from her mouth. Or that I didn’t have to worry about her swallowing a tennis ball whole. But alas, I love my beast. And I will always go to great lengths to keep her safe, even if that length is down her throat to retrieve a stick she just couldn’t resist swallowing. Life is always an adventure with my giant dog around.
"Sock? What sock?" - Annabelle (For the visually impaired: the photo is of my Great Dane with a black sock hanging from her mouth with a look of innocence plastered upon her face.)