(no subject)
I hate this feeling!! Why do I get this jealous??? I'm not afraid of losing you, but I despise it when I head that two of my best friends like you as much as I do. God knows, I love my girls to death but I feel threatened by them for some reason. Asher's is so pretty and you've liked her before we even started dating. She is flirtatious by nature and far too touchy for my comfort...I absolutely hate being possessive but at times I just wish that you hadn't ever met her. I feel so guilty after I think that but it's always been that way. It's the same with Candice. But then again, I actually have a reason to be threatened by her because of the past. She's acting so strangely just recently and quite frankly, it scares me. I'm terrified that she's is going to act out of impulse and screw things up between us...I know that you have done things in the past with her but no one but she seems to remember...either that or she's lied to me for years about her and you for some reason. I feel so betrayed by the fact that they went and told you but I probably wouldn't have even been told by them until you said something. I hate confrontations but I'm sick and tired of people treating me like I'm a porcelain doll. I know I promised I would never ditch a friend for a guy but I'm willing to lose Candice's friendship over this because of the way she's been acting. It makes me sick to my stomach that she is thinking about MY boyfriend when she is doing stuff with her ex-boyfriend! And of course, I hear about that from Matt and NOT from her! I know her too well and I do not like the way she has been acting. When she wants something she will stop at nothing to get it, even though it's off limits to her. I make fun of people for being "psycho girlfriends" but that's what this is turning me into! It's absolutely ridiculous to even consider losing a best friend over a guy but I'm almost certain that this is what it's going to come to. I want to cry in frustration whenever I hear things like that...why can't everyone just leave us alone like they do most couples. But no! They daily try to find cracks in my trust just so we'll break up and they can date you. I don't know why they have to tell you these things after we have started dating. It makes me so mad and annoyed...I am not even that bugged by Asher's anymore when I think about it because I'm so close to her. I always manage to see past the fact that she likes you a bit... I can't seem to get past that with Candice though. I guess it's because Candice is quite capable of breaking us up...or maybe thats just want I'm afraid of. I know it's a fools hope, but I just want to be with you for forever...I can't think into the future and not see you in it. With everyone else I've dated I wasn't able to see it but with you, of all people, I see it. I'm still afraid that we won't last because of the way you've acted in the past. I do trust you with everything I am but I still have that seed of doubt. I think the only thing that keeps the doubt is that fact that we live so far away. I honestly can not wait until this summer when you come down. It never seems like it will come soon enough enough but at times I can't believe it's almost been four months. It's a miracle in itself that we have lasted this long...It's honestly been the best months of my life, especially after Roger. Sometimes I'm astonished how long we have been together but then I wonder if it's a matter of time before something happens...then I feel ashamed of even thinking of that because I know it is not likely to happen...