Nov 14, 2003 02:36
Dan was right. Everytime I go out I get drunk. That's what I am right now. So deal. I need to vent. I really do. So that's what I'm going to do. But I am going to try to do it as non-drunk as possible. Prepare for a long one...
I hate her. She doesn't need a name. We all know who she is. We all know I hate her. But not even I knew i hated her this much. Only someone comprised of nothing but prue evil could make me feel this way. I wish she thought i was dead. That way, maybe she wouldn't speak of me anymore. It would be a lot better that way. Because of her, it's hard to be happy now. Happy with me, happy with Dan. Just happy period. But somehow i am. I am happy. Dan makes sure of that, and because of that, I love him.
He's had to suffer because of all she put me though, yet he's still here. And for that, I love him. He is everything she never was, and could never dream of being, and for that, I will love him forever. She ruined me, for everyone that came after her. Somewhere inside she knows that. And that's why she can't let it go. Can't let me go. I've tried, I have, and even though i haven't seen her face in almost a year, she still finds ways to remind me. These tears I'm crying don't make much sense. But anything involving her never does. I've never been the type to put myself above anything or anyone... but I am better then her in a million different ways. No matter how hard she tries she'll never be as good, or as smart, or as talented, or as LOVED as I am. I do thank her for one thing, and that is opening my eyes. Had she not treated me so terribly i might not truly appreciate all love and devotion i have been given by Danny. I see how things were, and I don't know how I could have let things go on the way they did for so long. I couldn't be happier that my life has changed. But, at the same time, I'm tired. I'm so tired of this. And after today, she's dead to me. The end.
Now, I'm going to enjoy this onion bagel with extra garden vegetable cream cheese, and go to bed. It hasn't been a good night. With thoughts of Mr. Kokoska in mind, tomorrow promises to be a better day.
Chelsea OUt.