(no subject)
i noticed happiness/contentness doesn't last very long. I kinda feel like withdrawing from the world... or taking it on alone... or something so no one knows whats going on. Yesterday.. my manager pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong and that she is concerned for me. I just as like uhhmmmm i don't know. Then my store manager came up to me today and was like i need to talk to you.. im concerned with you. you're acting strange is something bothering you? i was just like uhhhh.... red? I know im being kind of dramatic, but i dont really feel like i matter to anyone right now. I know people care or whatever... but i dont feel like they do. I see everyone getting special attention from someone... and i dont get anything. Not even like sexual attention. I feel like no one really acknowledges me and my efforts or my feelings. My godfather was the only person who ever actually made me feel special... like i was worth more than what i thought i was but i hardly ever see him and our scheduals don't coincide much. He never had to love me, but he did. Maybe its just time for me to cry to let everything out, cause i've been building it up for a while.
I see people getting things who dont even want it... they dont appreciate it.. and ignore it... the things that i wanted
maybe i shouldn't appreciate anything.. then maybe i'll get something... but then i wont want it anymore... so theres just no use.
I want to see a psychologist. Im tired. of thinking...GUHER! why am i soo emotional... but keep it all inside?
I see people getting things who dont even want it... they dont appreciate it.. and ignore it... the things that i wanted
maybe i shouldn't appreciate anything.. then maybe i'll get something... but then i wont want it anymore... so theres just no use.
I want to see a psychologist. Im tired. of thinking...GUHER! why am i soo emotional... but keep it all inside?