hmmm...
I almost wondering if updating this journal was even worth it seeing as i havent touched in months. But I figured that i might as well. I am home for the summer. I sleep on the couch everynight, and I dont know why. For some reason I can't seem to make myself adjust to sleeping in my old bedroom. The house is on the market and my mom packed all my decorations and personal, stripping its walls of anything that screamed my name, and I guess now it feels like a stranger to me. So the couch... something dependable. Maybe thats why I sleep so much better there. Maybe I am reading into it too much but I can see there is like this little area in the couch in the center of the first couch where i curl up into a ball everynight... so my refusal to get accustomed to my old room has already begun to affect the integrity of our living room set. Maybe i sleep there because my bed feels so large and lonely. Its queensized and i can roll over three full times and not fall off. I hate that... i'm like a goldfish that grows to the size of its bowl and so i desperately try in my sleep to cover every surface, sprawling my body across the bed like a rock climber and i never feel like ive rested well. I must spend all night trying to fill the spaces... and when i sleep on a couch cushion i sleep like a baby. When I lived in boston my father bought me this big turtle pillow made out of green yarn and fabric. I use to sleep on it. I would crawl onto its big back at night with a big white and blue checkered comforter and sleep on the floor on my big green turtle pillow. I looked like a little fabric lump in the middle of my dads living room. I was perfectly content. I thought about investing in a bodypillow... or a couple of extra armsto wrap around me so my big bed doesnt feel so empty. Single life won't be that bad. Its weird, I havent realy been single since i was sixteen. I don't realy know how to date yet... iv'e always had realy steady long-term relationships. I feel like ive got new wings. freedom is scary. it's beautiful... and scary.