How long will it last, before we go insane...

[pixelicious]

Thinking about people i used to know, my eyes stare blankly outside and slowly focus on a figure that is actually standing there. As I snap back to reality, I realize it's only my neighbor, and it's only coincidence that he's wearing a black hooded sweatshirt

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[pixelicious]

this sounds egotistical, but i don't mean it as so. one thing that i think is unique about me is that i can think a lot further than most people. this is a blessing and a curse. i am already much more emotional than most people so these two combined is trouble, because i can figure out WHY i feel the way i do, and when i try to explain that to people, they don't understand, because they don't feel that way, or don't realize that they do. it's also trouble because often, i think i can figure out how and why people are feeling, but they haven't figured it out themselves.

anyway, i think that i'm getting to a point now where i can recognize "the depression" and separate it from the real feelings. that helps. a lot. what i can't seem to do is make myself do things to counteract "the depression." but i'm working on it.

i don't believe that there's anything a chemical can do that i can't make myself do otherwise. i don't have the mind power to ward off a disease, but i think it's possible.

if that's true, then this is just going to take a lot of work. but what other choices do i have.

the knitting is working out beautifully for me. i love just looking at it and touching it. it's so perfect and maybe that's why i like it so much.

any night after tonight, i can let myself fall victim to it, but tonight i have too much to do.