Allie Brosh Returns, Talks Depression
So. Allie Brosh is back and talking about her depression.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
Quoting from the pertinent bits: "At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything - even the things you love, even fun things - and you're horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is. "
This. Depression isn't sadness. It can involve sadness for some people. For me, the worst symptom manifested as an inability to make myself do things I had once previously loved, up to drawing, writing, and worst of all, even reading. (That last one should tell you how deeply profound my depression could get.) I beat myself up for it, berated myself for laziness and a short attention span (okay, I probably do have ADD which doesn't help) and slept a lot. I self-medicated through WoW, which is probably not the best way to deal with depression, since you can find yourself in a soul-grinding cycle of doing something way past any enjoyment for it.
"My feelings did start to return eventually. But not all of them came back, and they didn't arrive symmetrically.
I had not been able to care for a very long time, and when I finally started being able to care about things again, I HATED them. But hatred is technically a feeling, and my brain latched onto it like a child learning a new word. "
And this. There was a point where I realised I had gotten chemically dependent on my state of OFFNESS. That feeling happy fucking scared me. And partly because I felt that any state of happiness was impermanent and could be taken away again like THAT, by forces beyond my control, and I resented being dragged back into an insecure place.
With that, I offer this, my list of ways on dealing with depression. Big caveat: What worked for me may not work for you. In fact, it's not even intended to really "cure" depression*. It's more like tiny bridges to get you to the future, if you find yourself in this spot.
http://pixelfish.livejournal.com/648909.html
From the outside, the inside looks small. From the inside, it looks vast and unending. That's one of the weird horrible things about depression.
*I'm not cured. I'm just a LOT better. It's only been months since I had an anxiety attack instead of days or hours. And while I still have to struggle to write or draw at times, it's easier than in the past.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
Quoting from the pertinent bits: "At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything - even the things you love, even fun things - and you're horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is. "
This. Depression isn't sadness. It can involve sadness for some people. For me, the worst symptom manifested as an inability to make myself do things I had once previously loved, up to drawing, writing, and worst of all, even reading. (That last one should tell you how deeply profound my depression could get.) I beat myself up for it, berated myself for laziness and a short attention span (okay, I probably do have ADD which doesn't help) and slept a lot. I self-medicated through WoW, which is probably not the best way to deal with depression, since you can find yourself in a soul-grinding cycle of doing something way past any enjoyment for it.
"My feelings did start to return eventually. But not all of them came back, and they didn't arrive symmetrically.
I had not been able to care for a very long time, and when I finally started being able to care about things again, I HATED them. But hatred is technically a feeling, and my brain latched onto it like a child learning a new word. "
And this. There was a point where I realised I had gotten chemically dependent on my state of OFFNESS. That feeling happy fucking scared me. And partly because I felt that any state of happiness was impermanent and could be taken away again like THAT, by forces beyond my control, and I resented being dragged back into an insecure place.
With that, I offer this, my list of ways on dealing with depression. Big caveat: What worked for me may not work for you. In fact, it's not even intended to really "cure" depression*. It's more like tiny bridges to get you to the future, if you find yourself in this spot.
http://pixelfish.livejournal.com/648909.html
From the outside, the inside looks small. From the inside, it looks vast and unending. That's one of the weird horrible things about depression.
*I'm not cured. I'm just a LOT better. It's only been months since I had an anxiety attack instead of days or hours. And while I still have to struggle to write or draw at times, it's easier than in the past.