A Return to Journaling, I Hope
Having just passed my 36th birthday, I noted that my last year's journal entries were rather sparse, and the year before that, things were definitely tailing off. I speculate too, that last year's dearth of writing in general might be linked to that. I can't tell if it's causal, or a symptom of the same malaise, but either way, it makes me a little sad and a little nervous.
When I lived in Calgary, I very openly kept a lot of my life online for people to consume. Occasionally, events cause me to back off of journalling so fervently, but then later, I wish that I had kept up. And I'm looking at my most recent year in SF, and realising that I have chronicled very little of it, while so much actually keeps happening. The absence of journal entries elides the existence of coworkers, my trainer, my teachers, my classmates, people on the bus, friendly neighbours, landlady and landlady's family, Twitter peeps, and even old and re-emerging friends. There's too much to catch up on, I suspect, and frantic notations of the hours I spent in the science museum or Golden Gate Park sketching are perhaps easier noted by the existence of my Flickr sets. I haven't set down any recent lyrics and tied them to events in my life. I haven't even posted any silly memes here lately.
Part of that is due to the beast that is Facebook. I love that it enables me to keep up with family and friends in such a way that I get to participate in their lives, even while living states and countries away BUT it seems to have sucked up so many of my words into an unfriendly and unlinkable morass. A lot of lost conversations there. Ditto Twitter, but then that's what happens to most conversations, right? They're all ephemeral, enjoyed in the moment.
That said, I miss the benefits of journalling. Being able to carthartically pour words onto a page without worrying. Being able to look back. Just the other day, I was trying to figure out when something had happened, and stumbled onto some journal entries that let me know just how far I'd gone from some pretty dark places. It's hard to see progress without having a point of reference.
....
Things to remember about today: It was a sunny day in San Francisco and despite lack of sleep and an attempt to focus on work, I went to a friend's birthday lunch even after I'd begged off. And I'm glad I went, because it was a warm friendly convivial moment. We went to Samovar Tea House in Yerba Buena Gardens and I had a delicious egg-curry sandwich that was the sort of food you just want to savour.
Work went rather quickly. Perhaps too quickly. I'm not sure I got as much done as I had hoped. But what I did get done, I felt good about.
I started off the morning with my trainer. It's kinda sad that the first entry (likely) wherein Tim makes an appearance, will be the one where I mention that he's quitting his job and no longer going to be my trainer. I'm a bit disappointed, although I hope he likes whatever he does next. Just Saturday, I'd been thinking of all the workout buddies I'd ever had, and how I got rather attached to them in specific ways, because working out and straining towards physical effort together was a weird but nice way of bonding. (Oscar, Wendy, John, and currently, Liz, Kristina, and Michael.) And while Tim was a paid workout buddy, I rather think I lucked out with my first trainer. He's always been fun to chat with, and I got him hooked on Avatar the Last Airbender and we liked to make fun of Jillian Michaels and Tracy Anderson (Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer) together. I joke that he's just quitting because the Pope did.
When I lived in Calgary, I very openly kept a lot of my life online for people to consume. Occasionally, events cause me to back off of journalling so fervently, but then later, I wish that I had kept up. And I'm looking at my most recent year in SF, and realising that I have chronicled very little of it, while so much actually keeps happening. The absence of journal entries elides the existence of coworkers, my trainer, my teachers, my classmates, people on the bus, friendly neighbours, landlady and landlady's family, Twitter peeps, and even old and re-emerging friends. There's too much to catch up on, I suspect, and frantic notations of the hours I spent in the science museum or Golden Gate Park sketching are perhaps easier noted by the existence of my Flickr sets. I haven't set down any recent lyrics and tied them to events in my life. I haven't even posted any silly memes here lately.
Part of that is due to the beast that is Facebook. I love that it enables me to keep up with family and friends in such a way that I get to participate in their lives, even while living states and countries away BUT it seems to have sucked up so many of my words into an unfriendly and unlinkable morass. A lot of lost conversations there. Ditto Twitter, but then that's what happens to most conversations, right? They're all ephemeral, enjoyed in the moment.
That said, I miss the benefits of journalling. Being able to carthartically pour words onto a page without worrying. Being able to look back. Just the other day, I was trying to figure out when something had happened, and stumbled onto some journal entries that let me know just how far I'd gone from some pretty dark places. It's hard to see progress without having a point of reference.
....
Things to remember about today: It was a sunny day in San Francisco and despite lack of sleep and an attempt to focus on work, I went to a friend's birthday lunch even after I'd begged off. And I'm glad I went, because it was a warm friendly convivial moment. We went to Samovar Tea House in Yerba Buena Gardens and I had a delicious egg-curry sandwich that was the sort of food you just want to savour.
Work went rather quickly. Perhaps too quickly. I'm not sure I got as much done as I had hoped. But what I did get done, I felt good about.
I started off the morning with my trainer. It's kinda sad that the first entry (likely) wherein Tim makes an appearance, will be the one where I mention that he's quitting his job and no longer going to be my trainer. I'm a bit disappointed, although I hope he likes whatever he does next. Just Saturday, I'd been thinking of all the workout buddies I'd ever had, and how I got rather attached to them in specific ways, because working out and straining towards physical effort together was a weird but nice way of bonding. (Oscar, Wendy, John, and currently, Liz, Kristina, and Michael.) And while Tim was a paid workout buddy, I rather think I lucked out with my first trainer. He's always been fun to chat with, and I got him hooked on Avatar the Last Airbender and we liked to make fun of Jillian Michaels and Tracy Anderson (Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer) together. I joke that he's just quitting because the Pope did.