The O'Frenzy Uglacy 1.2
Warnings: Foul language, sex, pixelated nudity and retina-scarring sports clothing.
So - last time the kids, Cheerie O'Frenzy (Spawn of founder Mackenzie and his shiftless missus Ashlee) and Spaghetti (His parentage is fairly obvious, really. Suffice to say it involved a biiiiiig probe and I don't know how generous those extraterrestrials are with the lube...)
Well, anyway. Yes. Time for them ker-azy kids to get an education.
Here's Cheerie, who definitely got uglier on the way to college.
And Spaghetti...who got cuter...? WTF, Spaghetti?
He still has the wondrous noseless profile, but Cheerie's froggy mouth and bulbous forehead are bound to make it tough for me to choose. And I thought Spaghetti would be a dead cert shoo in as heir. Huh.
Dormies.
This guy is hot.
This girl is not. Also, she has foetuses on her dress.
You know what would really round out the ensemble?
Placenta-hat. You know it makes sense.
Girlfriend here is obviously worried about something. Probably the foetusfrock.
It'd worry me, to be fair.
The O'Frenzy kids have the FASTEST COW ON CAMPUS.
They had literally just moved in and then Mooby showed right on up.
Oh no you didn't!
Cheerie has her mother's knack of making awesome faces.
I spot this fine piece of gorgeous and send Spaghetti out to greet her. You might recognise her as 'Trashlee' Spicoli; I know her as Brooke Betts. This version's name is Barbara and I am telling you, this girl has the greatest Uglacy genes in the WORLD.
I'm still seeing Brooke's malformed jaw and lips five generations later. She's amazing. Imagine the combination of those two profiles!
LOL ANTFACE
Spaghetti doesn't do antface, apparently. Serious Sims don't.
Cheerie's school-cheer sounds okay, but she looks like a Greek tragic mask while doing it.
Y HALO THAR CASTOR NOVA
Castor: Sweeeeeeeet. It's a Legacy. I'm gonna make out with so many hot babes!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Not that kind of legacy, you entitled little jizz dispenser. I might let you make out with someone from gen 5 or later, however. Just to traumatise you and fuck your shit up some. I'm nice like that.
Cheerie, stop that! No good can come of it!
You see? (Although he's a looker, I won't deny that.)
"You're a dick!"
"A beautiful dick...*siiiiiiiigh*"
Okay, this girl just keeps on surprising me. She goes and gets a whole lot uglier, pulls hilarious faces and then goes all swoonypants over the ugliest motherfucking professor on campus. She's got serious heir potential. Spaghetti had better do something interesting soon...
...because his sister's just changed into all this crazy pink shit...
...and has her own fucking FANCLUB, with Professor O'Fugloid as chief cheerleader.
Cheerie, you're on the way to becoming dangerously awesome.
Oh hi Spaghetti. You still here?
He is still here, apparently. Doing...Spaghetti-stuff. Which I'm sure is fascinating for him, but will probably end up with this legacy degenerating into a clusterfuck of 'Uranus' jokes. I've done one of those already. (Some would say that was one too many.)
Meanwhile, Cheerie, still in her Flashdance outfit, talks smack about the burglar with the Professor. He's been there ALL DAY. Can't keep away from her. Could this be the start of something beautiful?
Or something REALLY FUCKING CREEPY?
But you have to admit, he's a shithot potential Uglacy Spouse. I'd marry him in simply for those cheekbones alone.
Oh hay thar Spaghetti...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Where's your sister?
Attempting to brain someone with a rugby ball. Right.
Foetusfrock: "And then the clouds were lifted from my life as I discovered that Jesus Christ the Lord was our one true saviour..."
Cheerie: "I'm Catholic. GO. AWAY...hofuck...Professor Hotstuff came back!"
Cheerie: "I love you. I will eat your face."
NO, REALLY. SHE WILL EAT YOUR FACE.
BACK OFF, PROF. ABORT, ABORT!
Just what you need on a date.
The cow.
Spaghetti is a kind, self-sacrificing boy who gets rid of the cow, even while apparently suffering from an excruciating case of haemorroids.
What have we here?
How is she gaining music and dance enthusiasm while kissing him? He's not...big on musical theatre...is he? I was kind of warming to him for breeding purposes.
Who knows? Cheerie thinks he's like a pipe of Pringles - once you pop, you can't stop!
Professor Pringles: I hope she realises I'm not her professor and she's not gonna get extra class credit for this.
Cheerie: I hope he realises I'm doing this for his DNA and not for class credit.
(Actually they're three bolts. Could just be a hangover from Cheerie's 'beauty' wish, but maybe not, since they're both Popularity. This should be hilarious - Popularity Sims who can't leave one another alone long enough to make friends. Aspiration failure ahoy!)
The haemorroids have clearly got worse. Uranus is all red, Spaghetti...
...oh God, I am sorry. Nonononononononononooooo...I'm sorry, Spaghetti. This is why you most probably won't be heir. And it's not your fault. It's mine. Because I CANNOT FUCKING STOP MAKING URANUS JOKES. BECAUSE I AM MENTALLY TWELVE.
Spaghetti wanted a maid. And we got JOY!
Wonderful Joy!
He thinks she is all kinds of hot. I heartily agree.
Cheerie got a makeunder, to show off her ugly. (Also, new eye defaults!)
You have to admit, she's kind of funny looking.
Oh, did I mention she has ONE outgoing point?
Nobody told her this, apparently. I'm following her around constantly wandering what the fuck she's going to do next...
...and neglecting poor Spaghetti, who's...er...doing something. Watching Foetusfrock get her game on.
Spaghetti? You might want to give the girl some personal space there.
Er...WTF do you think you're doing, Spaghetti?
a) She's way too attractive.
b) Her name is Celeste COX.
c) She walks around in a dress COVERED IN FUCKING BABIES.
It's like she's walking around begging to be impregnated by a Legacy Sim.
Now leave her alone and go and give Joy some money.
It's kind of a pain with Joy, actually. Either Spaghetti is at class or Joy comes to clean and it's like, blink and you'll miss her. Spaghetti and Cheerie have 19 neat points between them and the dorm is usually aseptically clean when Joy shows up.
But I want her genes. Can you imagine the kids?
Celeste blows hot and cold...
...BECAUSE SHE IS A FUCKING FREAK.
Oh my God. Look at that face. She's got the names of the kids picked out already, hasn't she? She sits and practises signing 'Mrs. Celeste O'Frenzy' until her wrist is sore.
She regularly comes into his room to do her assignments and watch Spaghetti stare at the ant-farm.
Take a tip from your sister, Spaghetti. Yes, she has stalkers too. But at least hers are ugly.
Now what are you doing, you weirdo?
Spaghetti: "Celeste was here. Ten minutes ago. The scent of her perfume is still lingering. *sigh*"
Do I need to stage some kind of intervention here, Spaghetti? And what are you smelling her with? You have no nose. Idiot.
Cheerie has some kind of freaky Llama mojo. They home in on her, even at the most inappropriate of times.
Awww. It's love. See anything wrong with this picture? No?
Let me pan back a little.
Celeste is apparently so determined to cram herself into every shot that she does her assignment sitting on the ground in subzero temperatures.
I don't like you, Celeste.
But there's always the Cow. The cow's good for a breakup, right?
Cow hits on Spaghetti, I immediately look for Celeste, so she'll flip her wig and break up with him. Can't find Celeste anywhere.
Where is Celeste?
In her room. With another cow who has been there since Freshman year.
OOOOOOOKAY. *cough*FREAK*cough*
LEAVE. HER. ALONE, DAMN YOU!
Oh, this is just getting silly.
SHE HONEST TO GOD JUMPED HIM! Grabbed him in the hallway and started sucking on his face like it was her personal popsicle!
Cow: "This is some bullshit."
You don't have to tell me, Cow. What the actual fuck?
Spaghetti: "I kissed a girl and I don't think I liked it, actually."
Did it taste of cherry chapstick?
Spaghetti: "No...it was sort of a combination of desperation and...beef jerky(?)"
Well, there you go then. Time for drastic action.
I move them out into a rental property. Doesn't help with the Llama thing. Cheerie has some weird affinity with the creatures.
So...anyway. About Celeste. She's only gone and made Spaghetti ~*~in lurve~*~ with her, hasn't she? So I keep trying with an exit strategy. Every time the cow comes round to hassle everyone I invite Celeste. Typically, when you want the cow to cause chaos, it doesn't. Instead the cow stayed for two whole days, ate a pile of grilled cheese sandwiches, trashed the bathroom (Which made Cheerie incredibly happy because she got to clean it.) and then...
...then it had a cosy naplet in Spaghetti's bed. And the whole time Celeste was wafting around the place feeling up Spaghetti.
The cow = FAIL
So, feeling awful about it, I get the Llama Whisperer here to influence one of her furry familiars to flirt with Celeste in front of Spaghetti.
Cheerie: "I done a bad thing."
Think of it as an Intervention, Cheerie. I do. It makes me feel better.
Llama goes for the ass-grab!
Spaghetti's heart is breaking. Or it will be, shortly.
Just as soon as he's finished the washing up.
Llama: "YOU WHORE!!!"
Spaghetti: "Ow! - what the shit?"
Streaker: "HAY YOU GUYS!!! I CAN MAKE MY PENIS LOOK LIKE A ROAST CHICKEN! WATCH!"
Celeste: "OH MY GOD!!! IT TOTALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A CHICKEN!!!"
Cheerie: "I'll just...er...just go over here with my sandwich...yeeeeeeah."
It didn't work. Because Spaghetti's so damn nice he forgave Celeste for getting her bum grabbed by a llama, and all we got out of that little drama was a lot of trashcan tippage.
Oh, and violence.
More yoga and less grilled cheese for you, Spaghetti-boy.
Next thing I see, Cheerie's going at it with the llama upstairs. I don't know what triggered this, other than the llama beating up her brother.
Cheerie O'Frenzy - OFFICIAL LLAMA KICKER.
I think you'd earn heir points for beating the everloving poo poo out of a llama, don't you think? I make her ask him to leave, thinking she'd do the 'GTFO' shoo gesture Sims do when they don't like people...
...instead she does this.
She's very very weird. I love her very much.
DING DING! ROUND TWO! (Oh well. At least he's finally over the loon.)
SMACKITY SMACK SMACK!
Cheerie never liked Celeste. Ha!
Cheerie: "I GOT BEAT UP BY A LLAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
I move fast and call the matchmaker for a rebound date for Spaghetti. He's having no luck with Joy because his social is never low enough for him to talk to her on the 'phone for more than three seconds at a time. I figure it'll be a good idea to get him hooked up with someone else before Celeste oozes her self back into his affections.
And giving the matchmaker the full price usually nets you a complete swamp donkey, right?
Awk-ward!
Celeste stormed past to do the Stalk of Rage just as Spaghetti's date turned up. The date turned out to be Allegra Gorey.
And she immediately went "Oh, look at the time!" and fucked right off before the date meter even popped up. That's five thousand simoleans they may just as well have set light to.
Matchmaker: "Easiest five thousand I ever made."
YOU. BITCH.
And to add to her Fail, I popped over to the Bright Household to see what Allegra actually looked like under all that hair and glasses.
Verdict? NOT UGLY. Actually quite attractive.
I give up.
Sod Spaghetti's love life. It's way too complicated.
Let's just concentrate on Cheerie and Professor Pringles. (His name is actually Ethan, but don't expect me to use it.)
Cheerie pops...
...and just can't stop! (This was round two. Pringles wanted to go for the hat trick, the horny bastard!)
No, Pringles. You are not having any more sexual intercourse until you accept a marriage proposal...
...and get used to waking up next to this face for the remainder of your life.
Cheerie: "I claim this man in the name of O'Frenzy!"
Yes, you do. And no doubt you'll kick any llama who messes with him around the room several times before frenching them and sending them on their way.
Oddball.
Meanwhile...
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY!
Joy is so enthralled by Spaghetti's grilled cheese conversation that she makes this face.
Joy: "Worcestershire sauce! I'm tellin' ya - just a drop on the cheese...makes your grilled cheese just ZING!"
Spaghetti is enthralled.
"Yes, yes! You Stilton Siren! You Delilah of the Dolcelatte! Talk Wensleydale to me, you dirty, dirty girl!"
You see Spaghetti? You could have spent all four years of college discussing ways to clot your arteries with lovely Joy here, had you only listened to me.
Never mind...you've got her now.
You may now commence with the ritual Pillow Smacking Of The Future Spouse.
He finally gets a real kiss, instead of Celeste's 'SURPRISE SEX!' Special, up against the hall wall.
Joy: "So...I'm guessing it's green too, right?"
I'd imagine so, Joy, yes. And don't do that. You remind me of his mother, and that's just creeeeeepy.
The Graduates! Cheerie...
And Spaghetti, who just keeps getting cuter. It's not looking good for you, Spaghetti.
And we'll finish with a shot of Cheerie getting smacked around by a llama, because violence is fucking funny.
Next time - we welcome some rather unattractive children into the world.