Dear Livejournal,
thanks to the widespread use of Twitter, you my friend have died. Which makes this the perfect place to vent. :)
I've recently been caught in an uncomfortable position with my ex and his new "girlfriend," a term I use very, very loosely at this point in time.
It seems he has been swept away with idea of a new relationship as he thought he'd never find another person that could love him like I once did. Now, posed with a tweet about how "in love" he was, I asked him the simple question. How can you be in love with someone you've never met?
How can you say that you're in love with someone you have never met, never said hello to, never held hands with, never kissed, touched or held? How can you possibly think this is "the one" having never seen this person? How can you tell people you love her, you miss her, when you've never had her there to miss? You've never had the heartache of having to say good-bye, not knowing when you'll next meet.
Internet relationships work because they are controllable, by that I mean, you can never say the wrong thing, because all you do is backspace. You can control what parts of your personality you show this person. You can leave out background information, you can formulate plans and stories and make yourself out to be something you are not at 120 words per minute. Would you tell your internet girlfriend that your last relationship broke up because you were cybering a girl behind your real-life girlfriend's back? Would you? Would you tell her that you've lied and cheated your way through a lot of your life? Would you try to convince her that you've changed?
Jealous? Hardly. What's to be jealous of? I don't have to come home from work/uni/whatever and see his face, knowing he is lying to me. I don't have to sit there, him telling me he loves me and have the voice inside me telling me he doesn't because if he really did, he wouldn't be doing it.
I have friends who love me for me. I have friends who make me want to be a better person. I have friends that I am so lucky to be around. They are incredible and have been such an inspiration and a major part of getting my life back on track. Yes, alright, maybe I don't have a boyfriend, but I don't need one to validate my existence. If you really measure people's success and happiness by whether they are single or not, then you don't deserve to speak to another human.
I find myself becoming a little more jaded as the years go on. And I'm not going to lie, I did go down a self-destructive route and lost faith in man-kind. Do I find it hard to trust guys? Yes, absolutely, but it's getting better. It's just unfortunate that the boys interested in me aren't good and aren't good for me. And the good ones, the ones that I should be with are too nice and good to be forward about it. But does it bother me? No, it most certainly doesn't, because if it's going to happen it will but I'm not hanging around and waiting for it. If I'm going to fall in love, in REAL, head-over heels, take my breath away love, then it'll, or rather, he'll come and find me. I'm not chasing anyone, that's for sure.
My oldest friends tell me it's karma, I spend all these years being the heart-breaker that something had to bite me in the ass, but they're wrong. I wasn't heartbroken, being by myself was a relief, I didn't cry, or mope around, I just got on with my life. I got up every morning and tried to figure out who I was when I didn't have someone telling me who to be. Someone telling me how to think, how to act, what to say. Someone telling me to stop doing the things that make me who I am. At the end of the day, he was in love with idea of me. If he really loved me, then he wouldn't have changed me, wouldn't have made me feel bad for not being or doing what he expected. He wouldn't have driven a wedge between me and my friends and colleagues. And I was too enamored with the idea of him that I let him manipulate my personality and behaviour into what it became. A dark, horrible, mean mess of a person who'd agree with everything and allow herself to be put down, just to save an argument. That's not me and it never should have been.
I'm a catch and the person who ends up with me is lucky. And I'm not being arrogant here. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm feisty and I"m interesting. I'm a nice person, but above all, I have endless amounts of love for people and things in this world. And I've had enough experience in this world to have my head screwed on properly without being jaded and depressive and cynical.
Just thought you all should know. xxx
I've recently been caught in an uncomfortable position with my ex and his new "girlfriend," a term I use very, very loosely at this point in time.
It seems he has been swept away with idea of a new relationship as he thought he'd never find another person that could love him like I once did. Now, posed with a tweet about how "in love" he was, I asked him the simple question. How can you be in love with someone you've never met?
How can you say that you're in love with someone you have never met, never said hello to, never held hands with, never kissed, touched or held? How can you possibly think this is "the one" having never seen this person? How can you tell people you love her, you miss her, when you've never had her there to miss? You've never had the heartache of having to say good-bye, not knowing when you'll next meet.
Internet relationships work because they are controllable, by that I mean, you can never say the wrong thing, because all you do is backspace. You can control what parts of your personality you show this person. You can leave out background information, you can formulate plans and stories and make yourself out to be something you are not at 120 words per minute. Would you tell your internet girlfriend that your last relationship broke up because you were cybering a girl behind your real-life girlfriend's back? Would you? Would you tell her that you've lied and cheated your way through a lot of your life? Would you try to convince her that you've changed?
Jealous? Hardly. What's to be jealous of? I don't have to come home from work/uni/whatever and see his face, knowing he is lying to me. I don't have to sit there, him telling me he loves me and have the voice inside me telling me he doesn't because if he really did, he wouldn't be doing it.
I have friends who love me for me. I have friends who make me want to be a better person. I have friends that I am so lucky to be around. They are incredible and have been such an inspiration and a major part of getting my life back on track. Yes, alright, maybe I don't have a boyfriend, but I don't need one to validate my existence. If you really measure people's success and happiness by whether they are single or not, then you don't deserve to speak to another human.
I find myself becoming a little more jaded as the years go on. And I'm not going to lie, I did go down a self-destructive route and lost faith in man-kind. Do I find it hard to trust guys? Yes, absolutely, but it's getting better. It's just unfortunate that the boys interested in me aren't good and aren't good for me. And the good ones, the ones that I should be with are too nice and good to be forward about it. But does it bother me? No, it most certainly doesn't, because if it's going to happen it will but I'm not hanging around and waiting for it. If I'm going to fall in love, in REAL, head-over heels, take my breath away love, then it'll, or rather, he'll come and find me. I'm not chasing anyone, that's for sure.
My oldest friends tell me it's karma, I spend all these years being the heart-breaker that something had to bite me in the ass, but they're wrong. I wasn't heartbroken, being by myself was a relief, I didn't cry, or mope around, I just got on with my life. I got up every morning and tried to figure out who I was when I didn't have someone telling me who to be. Someone telling me how to think, how to act, what to say. Someone telling me to stop doing the things that make me who I am. At the end of the day, he was in love with idea of me. If he really loved me, then he wouldn't have changed me, wouldn't have made me feel bad for not being or doing what he expected. He wouldn't have driven a wedge between me and my friends and colleagues. And I was too enamored with the idea of him that I let him manipulate my personality and behaviour into what it became. A dark, horrible, mean mess of a person who'd agree with everything and allow herself to be put down, just to save an argument. That's not me and it never should have been.
I'm a catch and the person who ends up with me is lucky. And I'm not being arrogant here. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm feisty and I"m interesting. I'm a nice person, but above all, I have endless amounts of love for people and things in this world. And I've had enough experience in this world to have my head screwed on properly without being jaded and depressive and cynical.
Just thought you all should know. xxx