The Beginning.

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I wonder what it would be like if everyone was always honest with themselves all of the time. The first response that pops into my mind is there would be a lot of anger.  People would be forced to face their fears, their anxieties.  Take me for example.  I am the queen of denial. I can remember lying or making up stories to not have to face reality before I read. I have an amazing ability to almost never deal with anything at all.

So this is what I want to do . I want to start being honest with myself so I am going to use this place to try to do that. I am going to take criticism without crying or having a tantrum and I am going to make a change for the good in my life.  I am far, far from perfect. I drink, I smoke, I lie. I'm probably a bitch, too and just don't realize it yet.

I don't find myself to be a very good writer so don't expect great epic entries on the Theory of This or the Manifest of That. It is just going to be an excercise in making myself a better person. I want to feel better, think more. I want to grow as a person.

I simply want to feel like I don't have to make excuses for myself and I want to stop being such a martyr.  I want more self esteem.  I don't want to feel like I have to have an excuse for living.  I want to have a full life, as simple as that life may be and happiness. I need a place that is mine and this is that place and it is about time I used it.

So here it is, the beginning.