Just trying to Journal
I always have tons of thoughts running through my head. Some are funny, some whimsical and quite a few are just sheer lunacy. A thousand times a day I think to myself "I need to remember this thought and write about it sometime". It just never gets done.
Quite a bit I find myself wanting to write this or that. My problem is that my thoughts are always so scattered that I have a hard time focusing on any one thing and getting to the meat of it. How I fit in with David's family; how I fit in with my OWN family. What David and I see our own small family as being.
There are so many things I think about constantly and no way to cover them all. And then I have those mundane every day thoughts about doing dishes, feeling as if I need my house to be clean all of the time - will my husband someday snap on the neighbor and rip off his head? All of these things.
Maybe if I set myself to task - maybe if I gave myself a lecture things would change. The honest truth is they probably won't - I'm fucking lazy. Seriously. If I don't have to do it, I won't. Okay not HAVE to - if I don't feel like doing it - chances are I won't. For fuck's sake, it has taken me years to finally change my hairstyle. I'm holding on the the horrible wardrobe for dear life. I apparently have issues with change.
It feels good to ramble now and then.
I am so tired and frustrated with this new neighborhood. The people that live across from me are just unbearable. Really, what is the point of yelling obscenities from your front porch? Are you that desperate for attention? Did daddy beat you? Well, sucks for you because I don't care. I'm just trying to live my life as calmly as possible without you in the mix.
We are committed to a year's lease. After that, we're out of here. I hate the concept of moving again so soon but if the neighbor situation doesn't change I'm not sticking around for another year of grief. We already have to park our car at my aunt's house so it isn't vandalized by the crazy ass bald fucker that obviously watches too much Sons of Anarchy. It's a good show and all, but let's not take it SERIOUSLY.
At least we have a tentative plan in place for the next year. That helps. I hate being unorganized. I also hate that our future is totally obscured right now. I need a plan of action - and I need to follow said plan o' action.
Anyway.
Tonight is past season survivor night. I made a delicious stroganoff for dinner and my belly is quite full and happy. I need to get a cup of coffee and relax for awhile. To keep sane.