Just another day full of pix3ls
Looking back on my first entry in this journal, I thought I'd explain why I shared such an raw moment of my life to complete strangers. This journal is the opening to the secret side of myself that I don't share at all even with my partner at times. This is where I can write and not give a shit what people think.
I think about what other people think way too much lately and that has caused a lot of anxiety and stress that I avoid going out alone. I hate the stares, but even worse I hate the people who completely ignore my presence. I guess it is hard to find a happy medium. People in your life don't realize the full extent of your disability till you start using aids, which I started using over a year ago. I know I should have started using these aids much earlier on; however I didn't want to be seen as different, I didn't want the whispers, the stares, and the pitied looks from others. After a while, I realized that not using aids is hurting me a lot more than I thought for various reasons and I decided to start using them. Since then I have had problems holding a full time position in my field that I had just finished school for, while I was a double diploma honours grad in this field I found that it was hard to deal learning to use aids and learning a new position. After a few horrible experiences I decided to be a stay-at-home mom with the possibility of going back to school to get a degree. Now that I'm workless and careerless, I'm not sure what to study in school and where life will lead me.
I think about what other people think way too much lately and that has caused a lot of anxiety and stress that I avoid going out alone. I hate the stares, but even worse I hate the people who completely ignore my presence. I guess it is hard to find a happy medium. People in your life don't realize the full extent of your disability till you start using aids, which I started using over a year ago. I know I should have started using these aids much earlier on; however I didn't want to be seen as different, I didn't want the whispers, the stares, and the pitied looks from others. After a while, I realized that not using aids is hurting me a lot more than I thought for various reasons and I decided to start using them. Since then I have had problems holding a full time position in my field that I had just finished school for, while I was a double diploma honours grad in this field I found that it was hard to deal learning to use aids and learning a new position. After a few horrible experiences I decided to be a stay-at-home mom with the possibility of going back to school to get a degree. Now that I'm workless and careerless, I'm not sure what to study in school and where life will lead me.