Time-the Bastard Bed Fellow
For being such a strong, stubborn, overly-bitchy, and commanding person, when I'm hurt it takes away all of that and I'm left a pathetic, whinning, empty, bleeding heart. I've been unwanted. I've been rejected. Why is it that this time around it hurts so much more than I could have ever imagined? I don't think I've ever cried about something or someone so much as I have for this one. But he's special.
No one will ever see me as beautiful as his eyes do. I could get lost in his eyes as easily as we could get lost in Mesa. It's hard knowing that I am not the one for him. That one day he'll fall in love with someone and that someone won't be me. To know what I had and what I've lost. I'll never have that same feeling back. He'll move on. Everyone says I will too. But I'm scared of moving on. I don't want to start all over looking for that someone who I know will never be as good as him. And that's not fair to that person either.
I would leave anything and everyone for him. I left my parents, my ex, the car ride I already had lined up to Nick's Pizza. I would do it again in a heart beat. Even if things still turned out this way. I should have been preparing myself. It's too late for shoulda's though. I used to have dreams of a little boy with scissors hurting himself. I always tried to stop him. I always had to save that little girl from drowning. There was no one there to stop me or to save me from drowning.
How can one person see things so clearly and so precise, and the other, the person who is so close to them, who knows them inside and out, not see things the way they do? We seemed to want the same things in life. When did it all change? One moment Danny Elfman is playing in the background and we're talking of marriage...and the next...nothing. How is he so okay with being alone? How can I get to that point?
Getting away seems like a good idea to everyone except me. Everyone seems so damn confident in all of their choices. I'm still the one struggling to grow up. I just don't know how. Just about 2 years and 5 months later and it's over.
Time makes fools of us all...
No one will ever see me as beautiful as his eyes do. I could get lost in his eyes as easily as we could get lost in Mesa. It's hard knowing that I am not the one for him. That one day he'll fall in love with someone and that someone won't be me. To know what I had and what I've lost. I'll never have that same feeling back. He'll move on. Everyone says I will too. But I'm scared of moving on. I don't want to start all over looking for that someone who I know will never be as good as him. And that's not fair to that person either.
I would leave anything and everyone for him. I left my parents, my ex, the car ride I already had lined up to Nick's Pizza. I would do it again in a heart beat. Even if things still turned out this way. I should have been preparing myself. It's too late for shoulda's though. I used to have dreams of a little boy with scissors hurting himself. I always tried to stop him. I always had to save that little girl from drowning. There was no one there to stop me or to save me from drowning.
How can one person see things so clearly and so precise, and the other, the person who is so close to them, who knows them inside and out, not see things the way they do? We seemed to want the same things in life. When did it all change? One moment Danny Elfman is playing in the background and we're talking of marriage...and the next...nothing. How is he so okay with being alone? How can I get to that point?
Getting away seems like a good idea to everyone except me. Everyone seems so damn confident in all of their choices. I'm still the one struggling to grow up. I just don't know how. Just about 2 years and 5 months later and it's over.
Time makes fools of us all...