Where am I
I went shopping with Franck today before we went to see a night at the museum. he liked some of the clothes i bought but asked me when will i start wearing dresses again. He also liked some lingerie and mentioned if i would wear it.... i said not unless its for sex. i think he wants me to be sexier or be dressed up more .. i dunno.
when i first met Franck i would always dress up and wore makeup. as time went by and i got older i stopped wearing makeup every day for fear that i would damage my skin. and as i got fatter, i stopped wearing all my short skirts, my docs, it was just easier to wear my dickies and a nice top.
i always said i would never be one of those wives that lets herself go. but i think i did. i have gained so much weight and i can no longer blame not smoking. it has been 7 years... i think when i lost my hope for the baby i gave up a lot. i just didn't care anymore and it sucks because i look at all these beautiful girls and think hmm maybe i should wear that or maybe i should do my makeup and then i get lazy and think oh well who do i have to impress?
and today i guess i realized I still have Franck to impress. i know he loves me for me and all but im sure he would like to see me in a better light. like when we first met. i have to find it in me to do this. i want to feel better about myself. i need to do it for myself and i know Franck will appreciate it as well.
school is no longer the excuse. i cannot let myself go anymore.
yesterday i was thinking about my life and i realized that i am so much happier at 31 than i have ever been. i started partying when i was 15 and for all the drugs, alcohol, and smoking i have done i think i look pretty good. i would not go back to being in my 20's. i was so depressed and lonely. i feel younger now and i should show that in the way i look everyday. i want to be beautiful when i get old and if i keep acting this way, ill end up wearing a moo moo by the time I'm 40!
when i first met Franck i would always dress up and wore makeup. as time went by and i got older i stopped wearing makeup every day for fear that i would damage my skin. and as i got fatter, i stopped wearing all my short skirts, my docs, it was just easier to wear my dickies and a nice top.
i always said i would never be one of those wives that lets herself go. but i think i did. i have gained so much weight and i can no longer blame not smoking. it has been 7 years... i think when i lost my hope for the baby i gave up a lot. i just didn't care anymore and it sucks because i look at all these beautiful girls and think hmm maybe i should wear that or maybe i should do my makeup and then i get lazy and think oh well who do i have to impress?
and today i guess i realized I still have Franck to impress. i know he loves me for me and all but im sure he would like to see me in a better light. like when we first met. i have to find it in me to do this. i want to feel better about myself. i need to do it for myself and i know Franck will appreciate it as well.
school is no longer the excuse. i cannot let myself go anymore.
yesterday i was thinking about my life and i realized that i am so much happier at 31 than i have ever been. i started partying when i was 15 and for all the drugs, alcohol, and smoking i have done i think i look pretty good. i would not go back to being in my 20's. i was so depressed and lonely. i feel younger now and i should show that in the way i look everyday. i want to be beautiful when i get old and if i keep acting this way, ill end up wearing a moo moo by the time I'm 40!