(no subject)
I just want everything from before to die, cuz that's the only way everything is going to be ok. There have been some good times, and many bad, in the past, but I just want to wipe the slate clean and start from where we am now. I hate to see Kels like this, and I know it's all my fault. Thats the only way to say it, it's my fault. I cant ask for what Ive done to be erased, but I like, no I love where I am now, cuz she makes me so happy. I feel perfect around her, and in everything that we've built, but now it stands to come crashing down around me. I love her, with every shred of myself, but sometimes I dont think thats enough to keep us going, when I know that it should be. My past is going to be the death of me, I'v said that more than once, and I'll probably have to say it again. But I want to kill it before it kills us and what we have. I don't want her to worry about me or us, that should be the constant, the one thing that she can always count on to be going great, no matter what else is wrong. Im not asking for perfection, because it will take time, but if there's one thing I've learned through all of this, it's that if you find something this good, this pure, this satisfying, you're going to have to work yourself to the bone if you want to keep it. One day, it'll be where we dont have to work at it, but right now, since I have royally fucked things up, we're going to have to work. But I'd be willing to work until the end of time to show her how much she means to me and how much I love her. So to work I go...