Even 450 Miles Isn’t Enough….
….to escape the plethora of problems plaguing me in New Orleans. I only lost cell service for one afternoon. As soon as I got it back, Alex magically had a cell phone again, after nearly a month with out one. Its not that I didn’t want to talk to him; its just further proof that even here, in the middle of nowhere, I can’t escape my problems. The good news is that I now have a check for 5,000 dollars to put in my bank account. 4000 of it is actually going to my mom’s account since she doesn’t trust me to use it only for my bills. The other thousand is to cover next month’s rent and the rest of this month’s bills. In only 12 hours I’ll be back on my way to New Orleans. Greeting me will be more late nights at Borders, more taking care of Alex, and more worrying about money and school, and everything else.
Unfortunately, Alex lost his job at Bacco’s after only 2 weeks. It wasn’t his fault; they just thought he “wasn’t cut out for fine dining.” Which I don’t believe for a second; Alex is a really good waiter. They must have just not like something about him, I don’t know if it was his personality, or him being gay, or whatever, but it sucks. Now I have to wait for him to find another job, get trained, start working full time, and save up enough money for a down payment and first months rate. With the way he spends money that could take forever. He burned through all 300$ of his Bacco paycheck real quick. He even spent 40$ at the casino with me. While I understand the need to have fun, and I enjoy going to the casino with Alex, I would think that I might not spend money like that if I didn’t have a home of my own.
Its just tough supporting two people on a job that doesn’t pay enough to support one. I have to buy him food, pay for gas to take him places, get him clothes and stuff for work. If we do anything like go out I have to cover all of his drinks. Not to mention I spend a lot of time driving him around looking for jobs, buying groceries, running his errands, etc., etc. I don’t have a lot of free time as it is, and what time I do now belongs to Alex. I spend forever trying to keep my apartment clean, he’s just not as neat as I am and tends to let things get a bit messy. So I have to pick up his dirty clothes, clean up his trash, put the bed and couch linens together after him. Cooking for two people every night generates a massive quantity of dishes, and even though he always says he’s going to take care of them, he’s done once maybe twice now. I just can’t handle any extra work. Not to mention, having zero time to myself is stressful. I have to watch the way I act and talk so I don’t upset or bother Alex. I can’t read a book, because I have to do something with Alex. So, instead of doing things I need or want to do, I just watch movies and TV series with him anytime I’m not busy.
The worst part is that it’s fucking with the sex. Living under these conditions destroys my sex drive. Alex manages to stay horny whatever is going on. I just stop wanting sex when I get stressed out. I know Alex is expecting sex from me the minute I get home, and the sad thing is, I’m going to have to work up the resolve to just do it so that I can get it over with. Its not that I’m not attracted to Alex, or that I don’t love him, or that I don’t want to have sex with him, or anything at all like that. I just don’t want to fool around. PERIOD. Of course, if I told that to Alex it would just upset him and each day he’d just pester me more and more trying to get me to fuck him. That just frustrates me more and makes me want to have sex even less. If this relationship is ever going to work Alex is going to have to move out, and I’m going to have to de-stress. Hopefully, being financially secure will help out with that.
Other than that, Alex is great. He’s really nice, really understanding, and really fun. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and could work really well if it doesn’t get smothered.
In other news, I’m visiting Sam for lunch on the way into town tomorrow. He’ll be moving back to the city on the 15th. He decided to just get an apartment in Demming Pavillion, which is a building in Tulane’s med-center. Hopefully that means he won’t be needing his futon back, because I’d rather not have to buy a new couch. His bike got chop-shopped while locked up behind my apartment, so I’m already going to have to come up with 400$ for that. Hopefully that means I’ll get to go back to hanging out with my friends more often, I really need them right now. I need to get out of my apartment and see other people.
Arkansas, which I didn’t really get to talk about before I came, has gone decently. I went fishing a couple of times. I managed to catch a 7lb./25in. catfish, which is a record for the pond here. Unfortunately, I managed to get a sunburn in the process. Worse, its from the glare coming off the lake, so its only around my eyes. I look like a pink raccoon. Its itchy rather than tender, which is even worse, and its puffed up now so I look sick, or beaten. Hopefully it will subside some before I roll into work on Thursday. Other than that I basically just played board games and the Wii with Gregory, Austin, and his girlfriend Linley (sp?). I don’t really like her very much anymore. She’s overly competitive and gets all pissy every time we play a game. She nags at Gregory about complaining when he’s behind and bragging when he’s ahead (which he doesn’t do much), but does just that (but so much worse) when she’s ahead or behind. She’s really bossy to Austin and is always putting him down. She’s constantly trying to one up everyone. She wanted to make potato fries instead of letting me make my garlic mashed potatoes for dinner tonight (cuz “THEY’RE THE BEST!!”) Dude, we get it, you’re good at cooking and at games. She must have been neglected as a child. I don’t mean that in a mean way, I just think that’s why she constantly has to prove herself.
Anyhow, I don’t feel like getting into that. I’m sure there’s a million other things I could go on about right now, but, I just took a Seroquel with my beer, so I’m going to be out cold in a few minutes.
~Peace
Unfortunately, Alex lost his job at Bacco’s after only 2 weeks. It wasn’t his fault; they just thought he “wasn’t cut out for fine dining.” Which I don’t believe for a second; Alex is a really good waiter. They must have just not like something about him, I don’t know if it was his personality, or him being gay, or whatever, but it sucks. Now I have to wait for him to find another job, get trained, start working full time, and save up enough money for a down payment and first months rate. With the way he spends money that could take forever. He burned through all 300$ of his Bacco paycheck real quick. He even spent 40$ at the casino with me. While I understand the need to have fun, and I enjoy going to the casino with Alex, I would think that I might not spend money like that if I didn’t have a home of my own.
Its just tough supporting two people on a job that doesn’t pay enough to support one. I have to buy him food, pay for gas to take him places, get him clothes and stuff for work. If we do anything like go out I have to cover all of his drinks. Not to mention I spend a lot of time driving him around looking for jobs, buying groceries, running his errands, etc., etc. I don’t have a lot of free time as it is, and what time I do now belongs to Alex. I spend forever trying to keep my apartment clean, he’s just not as neat as I am and tends to let things get a bit messy. So I have to pick up his dirty clothes, clean up his trash, put the bed and couch linens together after him. Cooking for two people every night generates a massive quantity of dishes, and even though he always says he’s going to take care of them, he’s done once maybe twice now. I just can’t handle any extra work. Not to mention, having zero time to myself is stressful. I have to watch the way I act and talk so I don’t upset or bother Alex. I can’t read a book, because I have to do something with Alex. So, instead of doing things I need or want to do, I just watch movies and TV series with him anytime I’m not busy.
The worst part is that it’s fucking with the sex. Living under these conditions destroys my sex drive. Alex manages to stay horny whatever is going on. I just stop wanting sex when I get stressed out. I know Alex is expecting sex from me the minute I get home, and the sad thing is, I’m going to have to work up the resolve to just do it so that I can get it over with. Its not that I’m not attracted to Alex, or that I don’t love him, or that I don’t want to have sex with him, or anything at all like that. I just don’t want to fool around. PERIOD. Of course, if I told that to Alex it would just upset him and each day he’d just pester me more and more trying to get me to fuck him. That just frustrates me more and makes me want to have sex even less. If this relationship is ever going to work Alex is going to have to move out, and I’m going to have to de-stress. Hopefully, being financially secure will help out with that.
Other than that, Alex is great. He’s really nice, really understanding, and really fun. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and could work really well if it doesn’t get smothered.
In other news, I’m visiting Sam for lunch on the way into town tomorrow. He’ll be moving back to the city on the 15th. He decided to just get an apartment in Demming Pavillion, which is a building in Tulane’s med-center. Hopefully that means he won’t be needing his futon back, because I’d rather not have to buy a new couch. His bike got chop-shopped while locked up behind my apartment, so I’m already going to have to come up with 400$ for that. Hopefully that means I’ll get to go back to hanging out with my friends more often, I really need them right now. I need to get out of my apartment and see other people.
Arkansas, which I didn’t really get to talk about before I came, has gone decently. I went fishing a couple of times. I managed to catch a 7lb./25in. catfish, which is a record for the pond here. Unfortunately, I managed to get a sunburn in the process. Worse, its from the glare coming off the lake, so its only around my eyes. I look like a pink raccoon. Its itchy rather than tender, which is even worse, and its puffed up now so I look sick, or beaten. Hopefully it will subside some before I roll into work on Thursday. Other than that I basically just played board games and the Wii with Gregory, Austin, and his girlfriend Linley (sp?). I don’t really like her very much anymore. She’s overly competitive and gets all pissy every time we play a game. She nags at Gregory about complaining when he’s behind and bragging when he’s ahead (which he doesn’t do much), but does just that (but so much worse) when she’s ahead or behind. She’s really bossy to Austin and is always putting him down. She’s constantly trying to one up everyone. She wanted to make potato fries instead of letting me make my garlic mashed potatoes for dinner tonight (cuz “THEY’RE THE BEST!!”) Dude, we get it, you’re good at cooking and at games. She must have been neglected as a child. I don’t mean that in a mean way, I just think that’s why she constantly has to prove herself.
Anyhow, I don’t feel like getting into that. I’m sure there’s a million other things I could go on about right now, but, I just took a Seroquel with my beer, so I’m going to be out cold in a few minutes.
~Peace