Singularity, a phone conversation. (2W)
My grandma just called me up to wish me a happy new year, and to express her deepest regret about not getting any one-on-one time with me this break. We talked for a time. She brought up my sister Carly's boyfriend Cameron, how the three of them had gone out for dinner. She talked about Cameron, what she thought of him, mentioned some things about him she didn't exactly approve of. I just shrugged (which made no sense, being a phone conversation) and said "Well, he's her boyfriend."
"Yes," my grandma said, "he is. I wish you had a boyfriend."
"Why?" I asked her.
"Oh," she said quickly, "I don't know." Obviously lying.
"Why?"
"Well, I don't like seeing you so lonely."
"I'm not lonely," I said, because it's true.
She continued. "I just wish your life was more complete."
Mind you, this was a woman who got married at 18, and had 2 children by her 24th birthday. So it actually made sense in her mind that my being single was actually the worst thing in the world.
"My life is fine how it is." I said, and then added, "I love my life."
"I know you do," she said, not listening. "I just thought that you'd have a hundred guys after you if you wanted."
"I could have a hundred guys, though," I said, because I am confident in myself enough to know that this is actually true. I COULD have a whole bunch of guys, if I so chose to pursue such an objective. "If I wanted to."
"So why don't you?" she said.
"I don't want to," I replied. "I'm not actually interested in having a boyfriend right now. Otherwise I would have one."
To me, this makes perfect sense. And under the circumstances of a me who wanted a boyfriend but was unable to procure one right away, I'd damn well be trying to.
"Well if you're happy, I'm not going to say anything," she said, making it obvious that she did not approve.
Then she changed the subject and wished me a happy new year, and that was the end of our phone call. I'm at a point in my life where I'm so over my grandma pestering me to get a boyfriend that I'm seriously considering sabotaging any male pursuits that might actually happen this year, just to spite her, however counterproductive it may be for my goals. I want to get laid this year. 2010 is my year. If I don't get laid by the time I turn 22, then I'm definitely going to get laid before 2011.
Or at least get myself a dildo. So that's my ultimatum. If no sex by 22, and no sex by 2011, then dildo.
But that's not all! Even my MOM was putting on the pressure after she got a bit of wine in her last night at dinner. She told me, just flat out told me, to ask out this guy at school who she happened to meet, and who happens to be in a kind of pursuit of his own for my affections, an obvious enough pursuit to make me consider the fact that I'm not actually attracted to him. Literally, though, she just said, "Ask Chris out when you get back to school. Go on a date with him."
I know we could go on a date. I know I could seem interested in him, even if I'm not attracted to him AT ALL. I think he's nice, yes. I love having nice people in my life. But it takes more than just being NICE to actually APPEAL to me. What else does it take? I'm not sure, considering my perpetual singularity, but it does take more. I grow increasingly anxious to discovering this 'more'. But until then, I'm not just going to SETTLE for the first guy who'll kiss me. I've waited long enough that I deserve a lot more than just to settle. I'll settle when I'm old. Or hideous, whichever comes first. But that is not now.
"My god," my dad said to me after Mom had gone upstairs. "I've never heard her say anything like that to you before."
"Yes," my grandma said, "he is. I wish you had a boyfriend."
"Why?" I asked her.
"Oh," she said quickly, "I don't know." Obviously lying.
"Why?"
"Well, I don't like seeing you so lonely."
"I'm not lonely," I said, because it's true.
She continued. "I just wish your life was more complete."
Mind you, this was a woman who got married at 18, and had 2 children by her 24th birthday. So it actually made sense in her mind that my being single was actually the worst thing in the world.
"My life is fine how it is." I said, and then added, "I love my life."
"I know you do," she said, not listening. "I just thought that you'd have a hundred guys after you if you wanted."
"I could have a hundred guys, though," I said, because I am confident in myself enough to know that this is actually true. I COULD have a whole bunch of guys, if I so chose to pursue such an objective. "If I wanted to."
"So why don't you?" she said.
"I don't want to," I replied. "I'm not actually interested in having a boyfriend right now. Otherwise I would have one."
To me, this makes perfect sense. And under the circumstances of a me who wanted a boyfriend but was unable to procure one right away, I'd damn well be trying to.
"Well if you're happy, I'm not going to say anything," she said, making it obvious that she did not approve.
Then she changed the subject and wished me a happy new year, and that was the end of our phone call. I'm at a point in my life where I'm so over my grandma pestering me to get a boyfriend that I'm seriously considering sabotaging any male pursuits that might actually happen this year, just to spite her, however counterproductive it may be for my goals. I want to get laid this year. 2010 is my year. If I don't get laid by the time I turn 22, then I'm definitely going to get laid before 2011.
Or at least get myself a dildo. So that's my ultimatum. If no sex by 22, and no sex by 2011, then dildo.
But that's not all! Even my MOM was putting on the pressure after she got a bit of wine in her last night at dinner. She told me, just flat out told me, to ask out this guy at school who she happened to meet, and who happens to be in a kind of pursuit of his own for my affections, an obvious enough pursuit to make me consider the fact that I'm not actually attracted to him. Literally, though, she just said, "Ask Chris out when you get back to school. Go on a date with him."
I know we could go on a date. I know I could seem interested in him, even if I'm not attracted to him AT ALL. I think he's nice, yes. I love having nice people in my life. But it takes more than just being NICE to actually APPEAL to me. What else does it take? I'm not sure, considering my perpetual singularity, but it does take more. I grow increasingly anxious to discovering this 'more'. But until then, I'm not just going to SETTLE for the first guy who'll kiss me. I've waited long enough that I deserve a lot more than just to settle. I'll settle when I'm old. Or hideous, whichever comes first. But that is not now.
"My god," my dad said to me after Mom had gone upstairs. "I've never heard her say anything like that to you before."