(no subject)
it's been exactly 20 days here.
i apologize.
when I find something (someone) else to occupy my time, I usually neglect more important things, though, like work or school. this time I have worked at being prioritized and, so in this aspect, I feel that neglecting this journal is a little less of a loss.
the features are at the rose tonight. it's about fecking time. geez.
last night i watched the movie Kids. i know it was a very good movie, but i hated it. i've reached a certain part of my life where i've (purposely?) forgotten certain things from the past because they really needed to be forgotten. i don't know why this movie got to me so much, but it seemed that it brought back a whole mind-frame that i had left behind. it hit me hard and i felt like throwing up several times.
before that i made a visit to a friend because he called me to make me feel guilty of making no time for him. i did feel guilty because i've been where he is and it's shitty and it's partly my fault. he was depressed when i arrived and after i got there, he barely talked to me. with the little bit of talking that went on, i was able to confirm with myself that i have absolutely no feelings for him other than being his good friend. none. i'm not jealous of his long-distance friend who bought him a pet terantula and spent the weekend with him. this is how i know. he acted like a kid last night and i was highly dissappointed. and worst of all - he gave me a shitty hug. he knew better. friend, girlfriend, lover, enemy, whatever. i do not recieve shitty hugs.
i'm jobless, pennyless, and $745 in debt to my parents. what a bad place to be. i can't find a job for anything. my car is falling apart. there's more, but i'll stop there. i don't want the first thing i write after being absent for 20 days to be a whining complaintive intrusion.
so i'll just move on to the only good thing that's going on right now.
if it weren't for michael i'd be wallowing in the floor. he has nice hair and beautiful eyelashes. he makes me think which makes me happy. and he makes me spaghetti and coffee.
i don't have much direction right now. kind of lost.
i miss scout.
"when i look down, i miss all the good stuff,
and when i look up, i just trip over things."
*(optomistic plans for tomorrow's entry: good news of finding a job and a rave review of the show and the fantastic night that i had with michael.)*
i apologize.
when I find something (someone) else to occupy my time, I usually neglect more important things, though, like work or school. this time I have worked at being prioritized and, so in this aspect, I feel that neglecting this journal is a little less of a loss.
the features are at the rose tonight. it's about fecking time. geez.
last night i watched the movie Kids. i know it was a very good movie, but i hated it. i've reached a certain part of my life where i've (purposely?) forgotten certain things from the past because they really needed to be forgotten. i don't know why this movie got to me so much, but it seemed that it brought back a whole mind-frame that i had left behind. it hit me hard and i felt like throwing up several times.
before that i made a visit to a friend because he called me to make me feel guilty of making no time for him. i did feel guilty because i've been where he is and it's shitty and it's partly my fault. he was depressed when i arrived and after i got there, he barely talked to me. with the little bit of talking that went on, i was able to confirm with myself that i have absolutely no feelings for him other than being his good friend. none. i'm not jealous of his long-distance friend who bought him a pet terantula and spent the weekend with him. this is how i know. he acted like a kid last night and i was highly dissappointed. and worst of all - he gave me a shitty hug. he knew better. friend, girlfriend, lover, enemy, whatever. i do not recieve shitty hugs.
i'm jobless, pennyless, and $745 in debt to my parents. what a bad place to be. i can't find a job for anything. my car is falling apart. there's more, but i'll stop there. i don't want the first thing i write after being absent for 20 days to be a whining complaintive intrusion.
so i'll just move on to the only good thing that's going on right now.
if it weren't for michael i'd be wallowing in the floor. he has nice hair and beautiful eyelashes. he makes me think which makes me happy. and he makes me spaghetti and coffee.
i don't have much direction right now. kind of lost.
i miss scout.
"when i look down, i miss all the good stuff,
and when i look up, i just trip over things."
*(optomistic plans for tomorrow's entry: good news of finding a job and a rave review of the show and the fantastic night that i had with michael.)*