oh, hi there.
So, it's been around 3 months since I posted last, wow. That doesn't mean that I haven't been keeping up with LJ - I've been reading everyone's posts, so I feel a bit like a creepy cyber-stalker. I totally mean well, though. I won't follow you down a dark alley or anything, don't worry.
Anyway, at my last posting, life kind of exploded for our family. After that, it exploded a bit more, and we're all still working our way to recovery from everything that decided to happen all at the same freaking time.
I was aiming for a short recap, but I suck at those, so here's the long version: Steev was with his family in Maine when his mother passed, and while he was up there making arrangements for the memorial service and other such things, I was home breaking it to the kids and making plans to get us up there in time for the memorial (which was on a Tuesday). Steev's dad and stepmom were planning on driving up from PA, and offered to stop in NJ and pick us up so I wouldn't have to make the whole drive up there with the kids on my own. So, they were going to arrive on Sunday night, sleep over at our place, and then we were going to leave as early as we could possibly manage on Monday. Sunday night, while I was cleaning up to make room for everyone to sleep, and packing up clothes for us for the next few days, I heard JellyBean crying over in Xander's room. A constant meowing, which is just not something I've ever heard from her. She's usually relatively quiet. So, I go in to check on her, and notice that she's breathing hard, and when she tries to move it looks like she's not using her back legs. I pick her up, carry her to the living room, and lay her down. She tries to get up. Definitely not using her back legs at all. Now, I'm home with the kids, and no other adults are around. Danamarie and Dave have gone out to dinner with her mom and I have no idea when they're coming back. I don't know when Rick & Bev are arriving, but here I am in the living room, packing for a funeral and my cat is crying and seems to be paralyzed. I'm kind of proud of myself for holding it together as much as I did in front of the kids, but when I got a call from Bev saying they probably wouldn't get to our place until really late, I had to call Danamarie to beg her to come home to watch the kids. Once they got back, I get JellyBean into a carrier, told the kids I had to take her to the doctor, and headed to the emergency vet. Mind you, she's still crying continuously, and by the time I got in the car, I was done for. I'm still trying to deal with Vicki's loss and help Ana to understand, and try and comfort Steev over long-distance, and I just lost it. I'm just glad the vet wasn't a long drive, because I was crying too hard to see the road most of the time. I brought her in, the vet looked at her, then we had the discussion of what probably happened. Apparently a blood clot went into her legs, causing the paralysis. The vet suggested blood thinners and observation, and also mentioned the possibility of seeing a specialist in Philly to look at her heart later that week (costing at least $6K), or we could just choose to euthanize right now. I explained the situation - I'm leaving for a funeral in Maine at 5am tomorrow, I so cannot afford a specialist, and there's no way I can make the decision to put my kitty to sleep right now. So, I chose the blood thinners and observation route. I was told they'd keep her until Wednesday (I'd arrange with DM and Dave to pick her up since we wouldn't be back until Wednesday night/Thursday morning), and that was that. Back out to the car for some more crying, then I went back home and tried to compose myself. The drive to Maine was frequented by calls from the vet's office - now she has fluid in her lungs, the thinners are not working, etc etc... all day. It was absolutely draining. And then, Tuesday morning, the morning of the memorial for Vicki, we get a call at 2:30 am (and I just need to note here that we NEVER get cell phone reception at the house in Maine, so it was a miracle that the signal got through and we were able to take the call) saying that JellyBean had thrown another blood clot to her lungs and she wasn't breathing and there really was nothing more they could do, so we made the very hard and very painful decision to let her go. I hated that she was in so much pain and I couldn't be there to try to comfort her, but they were fairly sure she wasn't going to last the night and I didn't want to cause her more pain on the off-chance that we'd get back in time to say goodbye.
I just want to note that it is absolutely heartbreaking to have to tell your 6 year old on the morning of her grammy's funeral that her kitty has also passed. (and I'm totally tearing up again just typing about it, so you can see why I haven't really posted anything in so long)
The memorial for Vicki was beautiful, at first. The funeral home was packed, with people standing outside on the porch because so many people wanted to be there to honor her. People were invited to stand up and share stories and memories, and a former student of hers spoke about how she helped him learn to read, and people spoke about how kind she was and how much she loved kids and it was all just wonderful.... until the preacher guy started talking. I don't know if I've really gotten into any detail of the religion that Vicki and J (Steev's stepdad) follow, but it's something we don't agree with. Steev and I have laughingly referred to it as a cult, because that's really what it seems like to us. I can't really describe it well - and I always forget what the official title is. It's the religion Steev was raised under, but modified a bit (those from college might recall we used to refer to Steev's religion as "Not Jewish" - an offshoot of Christianity that also kept Kosher, for the most part). Anyway, the current belief is that the world is ending in a couple years, and this preacher guy is a prophet, and there's something about him getting the power to kill people with lightning bolts? I have no idea. Usually I stop listening, so I'm sure I have all my info wrong. But what it boils down to is this - Vicki was at peace with her passing, mainly because she believes she'll be back in 3 years. And this is what she kept telling her grandchildren, and what J was telling them as well. And since most of the people at the service think that this belief is a big old pile of BS, having that preacher stand up there at a memorial service and instead of honoring the person we were all there to remember, he seemed to be recruiting.... well, that was kind of insulting. Or at least I thought so. And the people I spoke to afterward thought so.
Then again, that may have been Vicki's wish - so I tried to let it go. But I was still pissed off about it.
It rained most of the day and people crammed into the family's little house after the service, even though Steev's sister had spent the morning setting up a huge tent out on the lawn - there was tension for the rest of the day. It was rough on everyone. A long, painful day. And then the next morning we had to leave as early as we could to get on the road and head back home.
So, yeah. That was April into May. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur. Work's been there, and I've feel out of sorts this whole time, like I'm not really getting anything done in any aspect of my life. Financially, we're awful - we had received a decent tax return, which enabled us to take our Florida vacation, but immediately after that ended up paying for a vet bill and 2 back-to-back cremations, we were just slammed. I definitely do not regret the vacation, because it was a lot of fun, and seeing the kids' faces when we finally arrived at Disney World is something I would NOT trade away, but it seems like the universe decided to even things out by ending our vacation with a giant pile of awfulness. Thanks, universe.
By the way, that's also 2 years in a row that my birthday more or less passed without much notice - Steev was in Japan for my 30th and he was in Maine for my 31st, so I'm going to say that I'm still 29 until we're ready to celebrate. :-P
In other, less dramatic updates: Anastasia completed Kindergarten (though was sent home with a fever 2 days before the year ended, so she missed the last couple days of school). They're letting her into first grade, so I guess she did okay. She's reading amazingly well now, and she's trying to teach Xander a bit. Xander's almost as tall as Ana, and when the two of them are actually getting along with each other, it's absolutely adorable. (when they're not? I'm about ready to pull my hair out and banish them to separate continents) My cousin became a father last month, and no one knew about it until the baby was laying on the bedroom floor (seriously, his girlfriend thought she was feeling a little sick that morning and took an aspirin, had no idea she was pregnant). I'm now on the board at my community theatre and I'm already ready to tell everyone to shove it and stop their bitching (I get to 'enjoy' 2 years of this). I'm relatively addicted to Facebook and I am horribly ashamed (and Steev still refuses to ever ever set up an account on there). I was really really sick earlier this week and I'm still feeling the aftermath of it. I still need more sleep than I ever manage to get, and I still need to lost weight so I'm not "that fat chick" in Andrew & Kate's wedding pictures in October. I am thankful to still have a job and to enjoy working with the people I work with. I still, unfortunately, have to deal with idiots outside of my department, but at least the people in my department understand when I start ranting and can sympathize and share their own stories (often about the same idiots, so we know it's a pattern and not a one-time bout of stupid).
Yeah, life's been moving along I suppose. I'm trying to keep up with it.
Anyway, at my last posting, life kind of exploded for our family. After that, it exploded a bit more, and we're all still working our way to recovery from everything that decided to happen all at the same freaking time.
I was aiming for a short recap, but I suck at those, so here's the long version: Steev was with his family in Maine when his mother passed, and while he was up there making arrangements for the memorial service and other such things, I was home breaking it to the kids and making plans to get us up there in time for the memorial (which was on a Tuesday). Steev's dad and stepmom were planning on driving up from PA, and offered to stop in NJ and pick us up so I wouldn't have to make the whole drive up there with the kids on my own. So, they were going to arrive on Sunday night, sleep over at our place, and then we were going to leave as early as we could possibly manage on Monday. Sunday night, while I was cleaning up to make room for everyone to sleep, and packing up clothes for us for the next few days, I heard JellyBean crying over in Xander's room. A constant meowing, which is just not something I've ever heard from her. She's usually relatively quiet. So, I go in to check on her, and notice that she's breathing hard, and when she tries to move it looks like she's not using her back legs. I pick her up, carry her to the living room, and lay her down. She tries to get up. Definitely not using her back legs at all. Now, I'm home with the kids, and no other adults are around. Danamarie and Dave have gone out to dinner with her mom and I have no idea when they're coming back. I don't know when Rick & Bev are arriving, but here I am in the living room, packing for a funeral and my cat is crying and seems to be paralyzed. I'm kind of proud of myself for holding it together as much as I did in front of the kids, but when I got a call from Bev saying they probably wouldn't get to our place until really late, I had to call Danamarie to beg her to come home to watch the kids. Once they got back, I get JellyBean into a carrier, told the kids I had to take her to the doctor, and headed to the emergency vet. Mind you, she's still crying continuously, and by the time I got in the car, I was done for. I'm still trying to deal with Vicki's loss and help Ana to understand, and try and comfort Steev over long-distance, and I just lost it. I'm just glad the vet wasn't a long drive, because I was crying too hard to see the road most of the time. I brought her in, the vet looked at her, then we had the discussion of what probably happened. Apparently a blood clot went into her legs, causing the paralysis. The vet suggested blood thinners and observation, and also mentioned the possibility of seeing a specialist in Philly to look at her heart later that week (costing at least $6K), or we could just choose to euthanize right now. I explained the situation - I'm leaving for a funeral in Maine at 5am tomorrow, I so cannot afford a specialist, and there's no way I can make the decision to put my kitty to sleep right now. So, I chose the blood thinners and observation route. I was told they'd keep her until Wednesday (I'd arrange with DM and Dave to pick her up since we wouldn't be back until Wednesday night/Thursday morning), and that was that. Back out to the car for some more crying, then I went back home and tried to compose myself. The drive to Maine was frequented by calls from the vet's office - now she has fluid in her lungs, the thinners are not working, etc etc... all day. It was absolutely draining. And then, Tuesday morning, the morning of the memorial for Vicki, we get a call at 2:30 am (and I just need to note here that we NEVER get cell phone reception at the house in Maine, so it was a miracle that the signal got through and we were able to take the call) saying that JellyBean had thrown another blood clot to her lungs and she wasn't breathing and there really was nothing more they could do, so we made the very hard and very painful decision to let her go. I hated that she was in so much pain and I couldn't be there to try to comfort her, but they were fairly sure she wasn't going to last the night and I didn't want to cause her more pain on the off-chance that we'd get back in time to say goodbye.
I just want to note that it is absolutely heartbreaking to have to tell your 6 year old on the morning of her grammy's funeral that her kitty has also passed. (and I'm totally tearing up again just typing about it, so you can see why I haven't really posted anything in so long)
The memorial for Vicki was beautiful, at first. The funeral home was packed, with people standing outside on the porch because so many people wanted to be there to honor her. People were invited to stand up and share stories and memories, and a former student of hers spoke about how she helped him learn to read, and people spoke about how kind she was and how much she loved kids and it was all just wonderful.... until the preacher guy started talking. I don't know if I've really gotten into any detail of the religion that Vicki and J (Steev's stepdad) follow, but it's something we don't agree with. Steev and I have laughingly referred to it as a cult, because that's really what it seems like to us. I can't really describe it well - and I always forget what the official title is. It's the religion Steev was raised under, but modified a bit (those from college might recall we used to refer to Steev's religion as "Not Jewish" - an offshoot of Christianity that also kept Kosher, for the most part). Anyway, the current belief is that the world is ending in a couple years, and this preacher guy is a prophet, and there's something about him getting the power to kill people with lightning bolts? I have no idea. Usually I stop listening, so I'm sure I have all my info wrong. But what it boils down to is this - Vicki was at peace with her passing, mainly because she believes she'll be back in 3 years. And this is what she kept telling her grandchildren, and what J was telling them as well. And since most of the people at the service think that this belief is a big old pile of BS, having that preacher stand up there at a memorial service and instead of honoring the person we were all there to remember, he seemed to be recruiting.... well, that was kind of insulting. Or at least I thought so. And the people I spoke to afterward thought so.
Then again, that may have been Vicki's wish - so I tried to let it go. But I was still pissed off about it.
It rained most of the day and people crammed into the family's little house after the service, even though Steev's sister had spent the morning setting up a huge tent out on the lawn - there was tension for the rest of the day. It was rough on everyone. A long, painful day. And then the next morning we had to leave as early as we could to get on the road and head back home.
So, yeah. That was April into May. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur. Work's been there, and I've feel out of sorts this whole time, like I'm not really getting anything done in any aspect of my life. Financially, we're awful - we had received a decent tax return, which enabled us to take our Florida vacation, but immediately after that ended up paying for a vet bill and 2 back-to-back cremations, we were just slammed. I definitely do not regret the vacation, because it was a lot of fun, and seeing the kids' faces when we finally arrived at Disney World is something I would NOT trade away, but it seems like the universe decided to even things out by ending our vacation with a giant pile of awfulness. Thanks, universe.
By the way, that's also 2 years in a row that my birthday more or less passed without much notice - Steev was in Japan for my 30th and he was in Maine for my 31st, so I'm going to say that I'm still 29 until we're ready to celebrate. :-P
In other, less dramatic updates: Anastasia completed Kindergarten (though was sent home with a fever 2 days before the year ended, so she missed the last couple days of school). They're letting her into first grade, so I guess she did okay. She's reading amazingly well now, and she's trying to teach Xander a bit. Xander's almost as tall as Ana, and when the two of them are actually getting along with each other, it's absolutely adorable. (when they're not? I'm about ready to pull my hair out and banish them to separate continents) My cousin became a father last month, and no one knew about it until the baby was laying on the bedroom floor (seriously, his girlfriend thought she was feeling a little sick that morning and took an aspirin, had no idea she was pregnant). I'm now on the board at my community theatre and I'm already ready to tell everyone to shove it and stop their bitching (I get to 'enjoy' 2 years of this). I'm relatively addicted to Facebook and I am horribly ashamed (and Steev still refuses to ever ever set up an account on there). I was really really sick earlier this week and I'm still feeling the aftermath of it. I still need more sleep than I ever manage to get, and I still need to lost weight so I'm not "that fat chick" in Andrew & Kate's wedding pictures in October. I am thankful to still have a job and to enjoy working with the people I work with. I still, unfortunately, have to deal with idiots outside of my department, but at least the people in my department understand when I start ranting and can sympathize and share their own stories (often about the same idiots, so we know it's a pattern and not a one-time bout of stupid).
Yeah, life's been moving along I suppose. I'm trying to keep up with it.