Single Me Out.
At 29, I have gotten used to being single since birth. So much so that I have stopped trying and hoping to find the one. Yes, I have finally reached a comfort
zone --it’s soft, snuggly, and more importantly -- safe. No more hoping, no more expecting, no more waiting, no more getting hurt. From now on it‘s only me, myself, and I - - plus friends.
Unfortunately, I’m not in that zone every single day. There are times when
I’d get yanked out of my comfort zone and right into unrequited love/attraction hell.
This usually happens when cute guys are within the vicinity. (As read in my “Ponti Punishment” Entry)
What can I say, I have good taste. Unfortunately, so do they.
So what do you do when you’re ego’s writhing on the floor? You go clubbing!
The dark lighting in clubs can be very democratic, according to friends. So what the hell, if they can’t like me under fluorescent and dim lights, maybe I’ll have my luck in the dark. With the playing field evened out, maybe I can win them over with my personality.
So last Saturday, my fellow single gay friends and I went out on a clubbing night. It's been weeks since I last saw them so we were in desperate need of a get-together, and having read my Best Dramatic Actor blog entry entitled " Ponti Punishment, my friends thought that it's time to pull out the "Malate Card".
We were actually supposed to be a bigger group but our couple friends had their own dinner thingy in Greenbelt, so the singles were left to plan their own evening. For months we have been going out on weekends, but usually to go to Tony's Grill in Tomas Morato which is the perfect place to chill out, drink some beers, and catch-up with good friends. But it’s not exactly a place you go to and be seen if you know what I mean.
So off we went to O Bar, owned by my boss Peter. At 10Pm, the place was just beginning to warm up. So we got a table outside and decided to load up on alcohol before going in for a night of dancing, drinking, and if lucky - -meeting prospects.
We also called our dear friend Dax in California, who was celebrating his birthday.
But of course the night wouldn’t be complete without a little lecture from my friends for my dramatic, if not disturbing, blog entry. I actually expected that from them, they wouldn’t be my friends anyway if they didn’t intervene when I’m beginning to fuck up my single life by throwing myself inside the rut of self-pity.
And our conversation goes something like this, although not verbatim: (Nag adlib na ako for more artistic license)
Xtian: Marz, nabasa ko ang blog entry mo….
ANO NA NAMANG KADRAMAHAN “YON?!!!
Norman: Oo nga marz, ang harsh mo naman sa sarili mo!
JC and Jomer: Oo nga!
Xtian: Ang nega-nega mo talaga marz!
Me: Hindi ako nega, realistic lang ako.
Xtian: Hindi, NEGA KA!
You’re one of the most fabulous people I know!
Wala akong kaibigang hindi fabulous ‘noh!
Kay nagtataka ako kung bakit ganyan ang tingin mo sa sarili mo!
Norman: I agree marz! Hinid ko din gets.
At ‘yung line mo na that’s why you drink,
because you want to feel numb…na-bother ako.
Although love ko ‘yung line, totoo ‘yon!
Me: (Quiet lang, absorbing everything)
Xtian: Alam mo Jace, mabait ka, matalino, you have a sense of style, di ka baduy!
At hindi ka pangit! What I am saying is you’re a good catch! Kaya don’t
think na those good-looking guys are better than you!
Norman: At tsaka it’s their loss ‘noh, kung di nila nakikita
ang nakikita naming sa ‘yo!
Xtian: Ang talagang problema mo marz you know what?
Di mo mahal ang sarili mo. “Yun lang.
Me: (Aray, but true.) Ok andoon na ako, but gano’n na lang kasi palagi, kaya you can’t blame me. O sige, ganito na lang I will prove my point to you. Pag pasok natin sa loob tignan niyo, lahat ng lalapit sa akin. Chaka! CHAKA MAGNET AKO!!! Bakit kasi ‘yung mga wala naman K lumapit at mag damoves, ‘yun pa ang makapal ang fez!!!
After a few more drinks, the motley crew decided that it was time to enter the bar for dancing. So off we went, a little buzzed and it didn’t take long for us to warm up on the dance floor. And to prove me wrong, my friends channeled their inner pimps and began asking me for guys I found cute so that they can introduce me to them.
Admittedly I am a chicken shit when it comes to making the first move. You can ask me to do anything - - bungee jump, eat edible worms, go rappelling, etc..But the fear factor when it comes to rejection is something I have yet to overcome.
So while dancing…
Xtian: Mars, ituro mo lang papakilala ka namin!
Norma: Korek! Point ka lang Jace at kami na hahatak for you.
Me: Wala pa ako’ng nakikita!
Xtian: Joskoh! Para kang Dairy Cream!
Norman: Ang pinipili ng mapiling inah!
JC Laki: Ang choosy mo kasi JC eh!
Me: Ok, fine! ‘Yung kalbo na naka-black, cute!
Xtian excitedly goes for the kalbo guy while I quickly turn away to suck on a cancer stick and guzzle down my beer, kicking myself for allowing my friends to bullying me
into an instant pick-up.
Xtian: Marz… this is my friend JC. O, dance!
Me: (Gano’n lang ‘yon?!!) Ummmm
Kalbo Guy 1: Heeeey, c’mon dance, c’mon dance!!
I quickly pull my friend Xtian aside and I tell him:
Me: XTIAN!!! Not this kalbo guy, the other one!!!
Sabi ko ‘yung nakaitim hindi ‘yung naka white!
Xtian: Naku sorry Marz, isayaw mo na din!
Me: Eh ano pa nga ba?!!
So as not to appear arrogant and rude, I danced like a mechanical doll while this guy gyrated and did his arm flailing move. Shit, shit, shit!
When I couldn’t stand it anymore I thanked the guy for the dance and he went back to his friends.
Eventually, after a few more rounds of beer, my friends began to disperse, looking for their own fun while a stayed in a corner. Suddenly, Norman who has fortunately met someone he liked and who liked him started walking towards me excitedly.
Norman; Marz!! ‘Yung type mo’ng kalbo, kilala niya!! Wait lang!
Before I could protest, the guy gets the Klabo in black and brings him to me.
Norman: Julius, this is my friend JC. JC, Julius.
Sabay tulak sa akin ng friends ko - -how subtle. Tipsy as hell, my guard was down so I gave him a smile and he smiled back. Shyet, he’s cuter up close. So we tried to talk amidst the loud music and I found out he’s 27, lives in Q.C. and is a nurse. Although it was short, it was a fun and sweet first meeting, and mind you, very wholesome. It was like a high-school soiree all over again.
At 5am we decided to call it a night. And before parting ways:
Xtian: So ano? What did I tell you? See, may nagkakagusto naman sa’yo!! Did you get his number?!!
Me: No. He didn’t ask for mine!
Xtian: Ay loss! Bumalik ka d’un at kunin mo ang number!!
So I went back, not wanting to piss-off my demanding friend Xtian. And got Julius’s number. Afterwards, while walking back to the car with my friends…
Me: Si Norman?
JC Laki: Na-take home na!
Go Norman!!! Good for him, I thought, just what all single gay guys need - - a glimmer of hope. Finally, it was really time to leave. And while hugging and saying goodbye to my friends, i couldn’t help but think “What would I do without these guys?” Who needs a love life when I’ve got my soul mates right here?
But I also knew, that when I’m sober, that wouldn’t be enough, but it was a very comforting thought. That no matter what happens, I will always have the company of my friends. And for now, that’s enough to keep me going.
zone --it’s soft, snuggly, and more importantly -- safe. No more hoping, no more expecting, no more waiting, no more getting hurt. From now on it‘s only me, myself, and I - - plus friends.
Unfortunately, I’m not in that zone every single day. There are times when
I’d get yanked out of my comfort zone and right into unrequited love/attraction hell.
This usually happens when cute guys are within the vicinity. (As read in my “Ponti Punishment” Entry)
What can I say, I have good taste. Unfortunately, so do they.
So what do you do when you’re ego’s writhing on the floor? You go clubbing!
The dark lighting in clubs can be very democratic, according to friends. So what the hell, if they can’t like me under fluorescent and dim lights, maybe I’ll have my luck in the dark. With the playing field evened out, maybe I can win them over with my personality.
So last Saturday, my fellow single gay friends and I went out on a clubbing night. It's been weeks since I last saw them so we were in desperate need of a get-together, and having read my Best Dramatic Actor blog entry entitled " Ponti Punishment, my friends thought that it's time to pull out the "Malate Card".
We were actually supposed to be a bigger group but our couple friends had their own dinner thingy in Greenbelt, so the singles were left to plan their own evening. For months we have been going out on weekends, but usually to go to Tony's Grill in Tomas Morato which is the perfect place to chill out, drink some beers, and catch-up with good friends. But it’s not exactly a place you go to and be seen if you know what I mean.
So off we went to O Bar, owned by my boss Peter. At 10Pm, the place was just beginning to warm up. So we got a table outside and decided to load up on alcohol before going in for a night of dancing, drinking, and if lucky - -meeting prospects.
We also called our dear friend Dax in California, who was celebrating his birthday.
But of course the night wouldn’t be complete without a little lecture from my friends for my dramatic, if not disturbing, blog entry. I actually expected that from them, they wouldn’t be my friends anyway if they didn’t intervene when I’m beginning to fuck up my single life by throwing myself inside the rut of self-pity.
And our conversation goes something like this, although not verbatim: (Nag adlib na ako for more artistic license)
Xtian: Marz, nabasa ko ang blog entry mo….
ANO NA NAMANG KADRAMAHAN “YON?!!!
Norman: Oo nga marz, ang harsh mo naman sa sarili mo!
JC and Jomer: Oo nga!
Xtian: Ang nega-nega mo talaga marz!
Me: Hindi ako nega, realistic lang ako.
Xtian: Hindi, NEGA KA!
You’re one of the most fabulous people I know!
Wala akong kaibigang hindi fabulous ‘noh!
Kay nagtataka ako kung bakit ganyan ang tingin mo sa sarili mo!
Norman: I agree marz! Hinid ko din gets.
At ‘yung line mo na that’s why you drink,
because you want to feel numb…na-bother ako.
Although love ko ‘yung line, totoo ‘yon!
Me: (Quiet lang, absorbing everything)
Xtian: Alam mo Jace, mabait ka, matalino, you have a sense of style, di ka baduy!
At hindi ka pangit! What I am saying is you’re a good catch! Kaya don’t
think na those good-looking guys are better than you!
Norman: At tsaka it’s their loss ‘noh, kung di nila nakikita
ang nakikita naming sa ‘yo!
Xtian: Ang talagang problema mo marz you know what?
Di mo mahal ang sarili mo. “Yun lang.
Me: (Aray, but true.) Ok andoon na ako, but gano’n na lang kasi palagi, kaya you can’t blame me. O sige, ganito na lang I will prove my point to you. Pag pasok natin sa loob tignan niyo, lahat ng lalapit sa akin. Chaka! CHAKA MAGNET AKO!!! Bakit kasi ‘yung mga wala naman K lumapit at mag damoves, ‘yun pa ang makapal ang fez!!!
After a few more drinks, the motley crew decided that it was time to enter the bar for dancing. So off we went, a little buzzed and it didn’t take long for us to warm up on the dance floor. And to prove me wrong, my friends channeled their inner pimps and began asking me for guys I found cute so that they can introduce me to them.
Admittedly I am a chicken shit when it comes to making the first move. You can ask me to do anything - - bungee jump, eat edible worms, go rappelling, etc..But the fear factor when it comes to rejection is something I have yet to overcome.
So while dancing…
Xtian: Mars, ituro mo lang papakilala ka namin!
Norma: Korek! Point ka lang Jace at kami na hahatak for you.
Me: Wala pa ako’ng nakikita!
Xtian: Joskoh! Para kang Dairy Cream!
Norman: Ang pinipili ng mapiling inah!
JC Laki: Ang choosy mo kasi JC eh!
Me: Ok, fine! ‘Yung kalbo na naka-black, cute!
Xtian excitedly goes for the kalbo guy while I quickly turn away to suck on a cancer stick and guzzle down my beer, kicking myself for allowing my friends to bullying me
into an instant pick-up.
Xtian: Marz… this is my friend JC. O, dance!
Me: (Gano’n lang ‘yon?!!) Ummmm
Kalbo Guy 1: Heeeey, c’mon dance, c’mon dance!!
I quickly pull my friend Xtian aside and I tell him:
Me: XTIAN!!! Not this kalbo guy, the other one!!!
Sabi ko ‘yung nakaitim hindi ‘yung naka white!
Xtian: Naku sorry Marz, isayaw mo na din!
Me: Eh ano pa nga ba?!!
So as not to appear arrogant and rude, I danced like a mechanical doll while this guy gyrated and did his arm flailing move. Shit, shit, shit!
When I couldn’t stand it anymore I thanked the guy for the dance and he went back to his friends.
Eventually, after a few more rounds of beer, my friends began to disperse, looking for their own fun while a stayed in a corner. Suddenly, Norman who has fortunately met someone he liked and who liked him started walking towards me excitedly.
Norman; Marz!! ‘Yung type mo’ng kalbo, kilala niya!! Wait lang!
Before I could protest, the guy gets the Klabo in black and brings him to me.
Norman: Julius, this is my friend JC. JC, Julius.
Sabay tulak sa akin ng friends ko - -how subtle. Tipsy as hell, my guard was down so I gave him a smile and he smiled back. Shyet, he’s cuter up close. So we tried to talk amidst the loud music and I found out he’s 27, lives in Q.C. and is a nurse. Although it was short, it was a fun and sweet first meeting, and mind you, very wholesome. It was like a high-school soiree all over again.
At 5am we decided to call it a night. And before parting ways:
Xtian: So ano? What did I tell you? See, may nagkakagusto naman sa’yo!! Did you get his number?!!
Me: No. He didn’t ask for mine!
Xtian: Ay loss! Bumalik ka d’un at kunin mo ang number!!
So I went back, not wanting to piss-off my demanding friend Xtian. And got Julius’s number. Afterwards, while walking back to the car with my friends…
Me: Si Norman?
JC Laki: Na-take home na!
Go Norman!!! Good for him, I thought, just what all single gay guys need - - a glimmer of hope. Finally, it was really time to leave. And while hugging and saying goodbye to my friends, i couldn’t help but think “What would I do without these guys?” Who needs a love life when I’ve got my soul mates right here?
But I also knew, that when I’m sober, that wouldn’t be enough, but it was a very comforting thought. That no matter what happens, I will always have the company of my friends. And for now, that’s enough to keep me going.