Fic: Stones Keep Rolling (Part 2)
Title: Stones Keep Rolling
Author: pirl
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: not mine,yadda yadda
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Noah
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The knock at Noah's door surprised him. Housekeeping had already come while he was at the coffee shop, and he was certain the "Do Not Disturb" sign was still hanging on the doorknob. He buttoned up the rest of his shirt as he made his way to the door. What greeted him on the other side of the peephole was a fish-eye vision straight from one of his noir movies. With a confused grin, he promptly opened the door.
"Mrs. Walsh?"
"It's Walsh-Dixon now, darling, but that's neither here nor there." Lucinda Walsh glided through the door, airs and attitude following her like an entourage into Noah's hotel room. She glanced around the room as if taking stock and after a moment she focused back on Noah, her smile charming yet intimidating. "How are you, my young man? You've been gone for far too long, shame on you!"
"Uh, yeah-I mean, yes it's been a while." He might be older and wiser, but Lucinda still made him incredibly nervous. "I, uh, I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Yes, well…" Her eyes darkened and drifted, bumped a bit off balance for a moment before she collected herself again. "No one should ever have to outlive their children."
Lucinda's sadness was almost palpable. It wasn't often that Noah had seen Lucinda's Teflon-tough veneer show any cracks and it made his heart ache for the woman. "May I ask why you're here?"
And in the blink of an eye Dame Lucinda was back in full force. "Yes, yes! Here," she handed him a large envelope from her considerably sized handbag. "You've been bequeathed. Go on my dear boy, open it."
"Be-what?"
"Oh don't be daft! You've been named a beneficiary in Lily's will."
Noah sat down heavily on the bed. "But I-" He stared at the envelope in his hands. "This doesn't make any sense. Why me?"
Lucinda sat in the desk chair opposite Noah. "Because she loved you like a son, darling! You know she never terminated your adoption, don’t you?" She reached out with her manicured hand and swept a lock of hair off his forehead in a tender and motherly manner before cupping his cheek. "She wanted to leave you something, something that will, I don't know, help you in your journey?"
"My journey?"
"Your journey to be an exceptional young man, of course!"
Noah smiled wistfully. "You know, she'd send me a card on my birthday every year. She'd track down my address no matter where I was."
"Oh darling, that doesn't take a lot of effort if you know the right people. And believe me, we Walshes know the right people." She gave him her signature smile and Noah chuckled. "Well?" She motioned to the package in Noah's hands.
He hesitated a moment longer before turning the envelope over in his hands and bending back the metal prongs so he could slip open the flap. He pulled out a rather thick stack of papers and started to read. Not much of it made sense to him until he saw the letters 'WOAK' followed by 'sole proprietor.' Noah's stomach dropped to the floor.
"Um… I…" he gulped and looked pleadingly at Lucinda.
"Yes."
Noah shook his head. "No, I can't! I mean, I don’t know anything about running a TV station."
"Oh nonsense! You run a production company, it's practically the same thing."
Lucinda had been doing her research. "I don't-it's not-"
"Before you put another wrinkle on that darling face of yours just calm down. Sleep on it. It's going to take ages before anything comes of it anyway. Damnable lawyers!" She shook her fist in disgust. "Don't make any decisions yet. The station will continue to function in the meantime without you."
Noah calmed a little at this but his mind was still reeling with the idea of it all. Owning WOAK! The idea of it was unfathomable. He and Brett barely had enough equipment between the two of them to make a proper home movie, let alone shoot, produce and program a TV station. But the possibilities… like the ones given to him and Maddie and Luke when he first started there, he could do the same for others. Fostering students interested in the business of production and running studio, perhaps. He could start up an annex to his production company in Oakdale, maybe work out a partnership with Oakdale U once he learned how to actually manage a television station of course. Possibly rent a place and commute back and forth when he needed. Maybe he and Luke could-
"So… I hear you talked to Luke."
Noah's heart stopped. His runaway thoughts came to a dead stop and his first thought was that Lucinda not only was a savvy businesswoman, but she was a mind reader as well. But one look in her eyes and seeing that knowing twinkle told him the answer: She was just that good.
"Um, yeah. We bumped into each other at Java earlier today. It was nice to see him again." Lucinda arched her eyebrow, proclaiming her knowledge with that simple gesture that she knew it was more than just 'nice.'
"Really," He lied. "I'm glad we could catch up, and I'm happy that he seems…" Noah searched for the right word but couldn't find it, "okay."
"Okay? Okay?! Oh darling, you're as blind as ever."
That pissed Noah off. "Excuse me?"
Lucinda sighed heavily, ignoring Noah's indignation. "Luke is not okay. He's miserable! He's locked himself up in that house like a hermit. He's been punishing himself ever since he came back to Oakdale from Italy two years ago."
"Punishing himself?" Noah shook his head, not understanding Lucinda's meaning. "Why? I thought he said he left Europe after dealing with Damian's company and things were fine."
"My dear boy. If you think our Luke was just sightseeing and working for dear old dad on his international jaunt you are deluded. I'm sure he failed to mention that his mother and I had to physically force him into rehab "
Noah was alarmed. "What? When?"
"Oh, not a year after he first left. The boy was drinking himself into kidney failure, so Lily and I teamed up and got him into a clinic in Switzerland. All I have to say is thank God for the Swiss! He cleaned up in no time and he hasn't had a drop since, which we were all grateful for after the whole Sante affair."
"The what?"
Lucinda looked at Noah like he just sprouted antlers. "Sante. Sante! Of course you know about Sante!"
"I'm sorry Ms. Walsh, but I have no idea what Sante is."
"Not a what, a who! Oh dear, I seem to have let the proverbial cat out of the bag now, haven't I?" Lucinda's ring-heavy hand smoothed her hair back as if trying to regain her composure before she continued. "Well, you were bound to hear about him at some point. It's no matter who tells you then, is it?"
Noah just nodded, unsure what the hell was going on but sure in the knowledge that you didn’t interrupt Lucinda Walsh when she was on a roll.
"Sante was Luke's boyfriend-lover, whatever-that he met while in Italy after finishing rehab and going to work for Damian. He was young, naïve and simply head-over-heels in love with Luke. He followed him around like a little lost puppy and Luke lavished in the attention. He bought Sante all sorts of gifts and trinkets and was acting more and more like a Grimaldi than a Snyder, collecting beautiful things and treating them like possessions." Lucinda mouth soured with her words.
"We had no idea what was going on other than what we could glean from his emails and the, what is it called, Facebook?"
Noah nodded his head, eager for her to continue.
"Yes, well, Facebook. He sounded purely incandescent, talking about trips to Venice and Monaco, sailing around the Mediterranean. They were inseparable. But then the bubble burst, and the phone calls stopped and the emails were rushed and flimsy, not at all in Luke's style. After threatening to come out there myself to find out what was going on, our Luke confessed to me the whole dirty truth."
Lucinda pinned Noah with her gaze. "Sante was an addict. Drugs, alcohol, you name it, that boy did it. Luke didn't know at first since he was blinded by the attention that young man gave him. Eventually the monster reared its ugly head and at first Luke tried to ignore it, live with it. But as we all know that the 800-pound gorilla in the room eventually ceases to be disregarded. Luke tried desperately to help Sante, even got him a space at the same clinic Luke went to, but he refused. One thing led to another and Luke eventually gave him an ultimatum, either Sante would enter rehab or Luke would kick him out. So… Sante left. Moved out. And about two weeks later Luke came home to find the young man dead in their bedroom. The poor boy committed suicide."
Lucinda rubbed at her eyes, looking exceedingly tired all of a sudden. "There was something dark in that young man that ate him alive, and it almost took Luke with him. We tried to get him to come back to Oakdale, but he refused to do so, saying that he needed to completely dissolve Grimaldi Shipping, tie up loose ends. His brother, lovely, darling Aaron, went out there to keep an eye on him and persuade him to come home. Obviously he was successful." She gestured in the general direction of the farm. "But I'm afraid he left a part of himself back in Italy. He's not our Luke."
Noah sat there stunned. Oh, Luke… His heart ached for him. "I don't…" He shook his head, his mind unable to process all that Lucinda had told him quite yet.
"Noah, I'm an old woman, and that gives me freedom to say things that younger people aren't usually allowed to. You came here for a reason, and it wasn't just to pay your respects to my daughter. You came here for Luke. You came here to see if there was still hope for the two of you."
Noah's face warmed at the bold accusation, and for being called out for the ulterior motive he hadn't owned up to, even to himself, quite yet.
Lucinda stood up, collecting her handbag and made her way toward the door. "Noah, I don't want to leave this world without knowing my grandson is happy once again. And I know you're the man for the job. Go to him. Fix this. You know the two of you belong together, so fight for it!"
<<<<<>>>>>
By the time Noah pulled into the driveway at the farm it was rather late. So late, in fact, that there were only two cars left in front of the house. But the light was still on in the kitchen so he cut the engine and got out. After Lucinda had left him that afternoon he just sat there on the edge of the bed thinking and thinking until his room had gotten dark. After that he sat some more until finally he was fed up with thinking and needed to 'do' instead.
Waves of memories crashed against Noah as he made his way toward the farmhouse porch, threatening to drown him in their wonder and sorrow. He steeled himself before knocking on the door and a moment later, the warmth of Emma's kitchen wrapped around him like a favorite blanket. The wide eyes of a young woman stared at him from within.
"Noah! Oh my God! How are you?" Arms wrapped around his neck and soft curls of light brown hair tickled his nose.
"Natalie?" He stood back and took in another sight from his past. "Wow, you've grown up!"
Placing a hand on her hip she took a step back, inviting him into the kitchen. "Duh! It's been forever since I last saw you."
"I know, but…" he paused, his eyes still bugging out of his head at the sight of Luke's little sister, "I'm sorry, I just feel really old all of a sudden. You're still this tall in my head." He held his hand about parallel with his hip, which got him a swat on the shoulder from her.
"As if! Give me some credit. I was at least a couple inches taller than that," she teased back.
They stood there by the doorway smiling at each other for a moment longer before the solemnity of the reason they had all been reunited breathed back into the air around them.
"Nat, I'm really sorry about your mom," Noah offered.
Natalie bit on her lips and nodded. Noah could now see the redness that tinged the whites of her eyes and the pain of her loss written plain as day in them. "Thanks. I…" she breathed out sharply to steady herself, her composure faltering slightly. "Thanks." She grabbed Noah's hand and held it for a moment before motioning over to the table at the other occupant he hadn't realized was there. "You should've come earlier. You could've seen everyone."
Noah looked over at the table and saw a bored looking dark-haired teenager tapping listlessly at a game pad. For the second time that night Noah was humbled with passage of time. "Ethan?"
Familiar brown eyes looked up at him.
"Hey Ethan, this is Noah. Do you remember him?" Natalie offered.
Ethan's face scrunched up slightly, trying to access the memory of a young boy. "Not really?"
"He was Luke's boyfriend when you were little."
Ethan, definitely a product of Holden's rearing, stood up and offered his hand to Noah. "Hi." He gave Noah a firm handshake in contrast to his slim build.
"Your brother and I used to bribe you with popsicles to go to bed early."
Ethan's head tilted slightly, staring hard at Noah. "Yeah… "A smile crept onto his somber face, "and I would get in trouble with mom…"
Noah picked up the story. "Because you'd fall asleep and it melted on your sheets." The two chuckled softly at the memory.
"Wow, that was, like, forever ago!"
"No kidding," said Noah. "It's good to see you all grown up."
Ethan just shrugged. Typical teenager, Noah thought. "Um… I'd love to stay and catch up, but-"
Natalie beat him to the punch. "He went for a walk. He's probably down by the pond."
"Thanks." Noah ignored the knowing smirk on Natalie's face, turned on his heel and made his way to the Snyder pond as fast as his legs would take him.
<<<<<>>>>>
The warmth of the day had quickly been leeched by the cool, crisp night air. Not a cloud in the sky impeded Noah's moonlit trek down the familiar path toward the pond. He zipped his jacket all the way to his neck, wishing he had brought his gloves. Instead he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and trudged along the overgrown trail.
As the pond came into view Noah scanned the banks for Luke. He soon spotted him sitting on the edge of the short dock, hunched over with his back to Noah. He approached Luke slowly, keeping his footfall heavy so he didn't surprise the other man. He was just feet away when he finally saw the half empty bottle in Luke's hand glinting in the moonlight like the blade of a knife. Grief ached in his stomach, closely followed by fear. There seemed to be so much that Luke wasn't telling him.
"Luke?" Noah said gently. There was no response so he placed his hand on Luke's shoulder.
Luke shot up, spinning around wildly and nearly spraying them both with vodka.
"Whoa! Hey, it's just me!"
"Jesus Christ, Noah!" Luke's hand was clutching at his own chest as if to calm his racing heart.
"Sorry! I tried not to scare you but you didn't hear me."
"Yeah. Fine. Wasn't going to use those last few years of my life anyway."
"Luke…" Noah reached his hand out toward the bottle Luke still held, silently asking the other man to hand it to him. Without hesitation he handed it over, looking like he expected Noah to put on a display of pouring out the contents. Instead, Noah leaned his head back and took a giant swig.
The burn of alcohol felt good in Noah's throat and the taste was warm and sweet on his tongue. He looked at the label but didn't recognize the brand.
"Smooth." Feeling reckless all of a sudden, he took another pull.
Luke shook his head, his face bright with astonishment of Noah's actions. "I wouldn't know."
Noah shot him a confused look.
"Haven't had a drop." Luke said matter-of-factly.
Noah shook his head and looked heavenward at the stars, laughing slightly in disbelief.
But Luke persisted. "Honest. I bought it tonight with full intention of getting so shit-faced I forgot who I was. But then I came out here and…" he shrugged, "I couldn't."
"But-" Noah examined the half empty bottle again.
"I've been sitting here trying to psyche myself into either drinking it or pouring it all out, but all I can do is pour a little out at a time." He gave a frustrated laugh. "Fucking ridiculous."
He looked dejected, Noah thought. There was no pride or joy in him at all. The façade had been left behind and what stood in front of Noah was the shell of a man he once knew. Luke pushed back at his unruly hair and shifted his stance in unease like he knew he was under scrutiny. He was wearing the same dark red polo from earlier that day, apparently ignoring the chilly weather around him. His jeans were soaked just under his knees to his bare feet from hanging them off the dock into the pond.
"Luke, where are your shoes?"
Luke shrugged and threw a thumb over his shoulder, pointing toward the pond. Noah couldn't see them on the dock anywhere, but about fifteen feet from the edge he saw what could be a sneaker bobbing in the dark, cool water.
"You threw your shoes in the pond?"
"You threw your shoes in the pond?" Luke mocked under his breath. "What the hell difference does it make?"
"Why?"
"Why not? Served their purpose. Didn't like 'em anyway. Are we really talking about shoes, Noah?" His tone was getting laced with more bitterness with each second that passed. "Why are you here?"
"You invited me."
"Oh come on! Everybody's gone already! If you really gave a shit you'd have been here earlier."
Noah flinched. "Why are you being so damn hostile?"
"You left, Noah! You disappeared!" Luke shouted so loud Noah swore he could hear it echo through the trees. "What the fuck?! I mean, goddammit Noah, I know I messed up and that we weren't… but everyone else? Did you have to cut them off too?"
If Luke wanted a fight, Noah wouldn’t disappoint. "Jesus, Luke, it's called Google! It's not like I changed names or anything. Two seconds on the internet and you'd find me no problem."
"That's not the point!" Luke closed the distance between them, his voice a growl. "The point is that I shouldn't have to."
Luke's look was challenging, daring Noah to deny he was wrong. He huffed out a couple of irritated breaths before continuing.
"The signals were loud and clear that you didn't want to be bothered. In fact, why are you still here? Just go already." He shoved Noah's shoulder. "Go back to L.A. Go before we stain your precious existence. So sorry my fucked up life doesn't fit into your slick Hollywood world."
"Fuck you, Luke!" Noah spat out, throwing the bottle he still held to the ground near Luke's feet. "You have no idea what I went through out there!" Luke sneered at him, rolling his eyes, but Noah ignored it. "I was lost in L.A, Luke! So fucking lost. Everything I did and everything I saw reminded me of you and Oakdale and everything I had run away from. Everything was wrong and I couldn't cope to save my own ass. No matter how many times I tried to get my head straight I just fell apart again. My goddamn advisor almost suspended me from our shoot because I'd gotten into fight with the Assistant Director. I gave him a bloody nose, accusing him of sabotaging my project and all sorts of other crazy shit. I’m lucky he didn’t press charges."
Luke's earlier hostility began to visibly lessen, but he seemed to remain unmoved as Noah went on.
"But what was I going to tell my advisor? What part of my life do I share with him to make him understand what was going on? The part where I was working two jobs to make ends meet and sleeping only a couple hours a night? Or the part where I was closing the clubs and throwing myself at anyone who'd keep the drinks coming because my head was so fucked up over my ex-boyfriend and the ghosts of Oakdale past that I couldn't stand to be alone in my apartment? What about how my heart stopped every time I saw someone that even remotely looked like you on the street, thinking that after all this time you’d finally come to L.A.? Wait, this is the best one, how about when Ameera had to pick my wasted ass up from the hospital when I mistook 'hey let's go back to my place' with 'I'm going to beat the living shit out of you in the parking lot and steal everything you've got?' That's a good one."
Luke looked confused and humbled by Noah's story. "I-I don't know what to say…"
"Whatever. Fine. Fuck it. I moved on. Therapy first, of course. That was part of the deal I made with my advisor. So then I put on the mask and pretended that everything was just fine. Everything’s fine. Just don’t ask me for details. I'm coping. So don’t tell me about how I should be finally finding peace doing what I love. Living the dream. The dream of some star-struck dipshit who couldn’t tell when reality started to become fantasy."
Noah sat down heavily on the grass, boneless and without the grace his long body usually possessed. "God, I was so ashamed. I was failing at everything I'd dreamed of, of getting what I wanted, or so I thought. I blamed you, Reid, the accident, my dad, everything on why nothing was working out the way I'd planned. I blamed everyone except who I should've. Myself." Noah felt Luke sit down next to him on the ground, his thigh brushing up ever so slightly against his own. The next thing he felt was a hand rubbing soothing, encouraging circles on his back. Noah closed his eyes for a moment and focused on the heat Luke's hand generated, chasing the cold away. He sucked in a deep breath and continued.
"I decided to cut all ties to Oakdale because I thought that as long as you and everything else from my past were still in my life that I'd never be able to focus on my future. My therapist didn't approve, he said it was avoidance or whatever. But after a while, a long while, everything started to get better." A sad, small smile appeared on Noah's face.
"Dr. Gant and Ameera were pretty much the only people in my life that kept me from falling down again. They kicked my sorry ass into shape and helped me finally grow a set. I was finally brave enough to make that leap away from L.A. and the industry. I met Brett soon after and we almost immediately moved to Detroit. But this time I wasn't running away, I was moving on."
"It was scary at first, but thrilling to start walking a path that I hadn’t even thought of going down. It was one of the hardest things to admit to myself that I really didn’t like what I thought I’d wanted to do all my life. But I found purpose finally, and it was exactly what I needed."
"It was crazy back then, Detroit was such an artist's enclave and it had an almost guerilla feel to it. People from all over were carving out niches for themselves there, making something beautiful and meaningful. That's where I met Javi-he was the final piece of the puzzle. And things were really, really great for a while. But things change. People change… or not. And…" Noah let the rest of the sentence drift off, apprehensive to finish it.
But Luke was always persistent. "And?"
Noah sucked in a deep breath. "I-I couldn't give him what he wanted."
"What was that?" Luke whispered.
Noah stopped and started a half dozen times before he was able to continue. It was now or never, his brain told him. After all this time, after everything they'd been through could it still be possible that they could make this work? Noah was so close to his happy ending that when he finally spoke his voice trembled with so much overwhelming emotion that it made him almost nauseous.
"I couldn't give him the part of my heart that belongs to you."
Luke didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. Instead he wrapped his arms around Noah's shoulders and clung to him like a life preserver, burying his face in the other man's neck and breathing in deep.
Unsure of exactly what Luke's gesture meant, Noah hazarded to perceive it as a good sign. They rocked back and forth for a while like that, in each other's arms and breathing in the cool, damp night air. Soon enough, though, Noah needed to ask Luke a question that was sure to cause him pain, but it needed to be done. "For my own sake and for Luke's," he thought.
"Luke, tell me about Sante." The other man stilled and went rigid. Noah gently pulled back, taking in Luke's shocked and scared face.
"Lucinda told me."
Luke let go of Noah and brought his arms in front of himself to hug his knees into his chest, making himself smaller and feel less vulnerable. He was quiet for a while, staring off to the pond before he finally spoke.
"He was beautiful." Luke's eyes were shining in the moonlight of the memory. "He was so beautiful-- body and soul. After I'd gone through so much with rehab and everything with you and Reid, I simply couldn't help it. I found myself captivated by him. He was so effortless, you know? One of those types of people who could just go with the flow. A true free spirit. He made me laugh, and he loved me with everything he had."
Luke's smile fell. "But I took it all for granted. I guess I figured he was so young that he didn't know what he wanted, and that we were just having fun and he'd see soon enough that there were plenty of other fish in the sea. And I was okay with that. I expected it to happen because I wanted it to happen. I didn't want to get attached. I didn't want to love anyone again."
"What happened was that I didn't take him or our relationship seriously. I was too focused on making sure I was maintaining a distance and keeping myself from getting too caught up that I didn't see him trying to reach out and ask for help. Later, when he was using, he told me about his family and how they ridiculed him and kicked him out when they found out he was gay. A lot of families in Italy are still really conservative and his just threw him out. It explained a lot of his behavior, but I was too busy keeping him at arm's length that I didn't recognize it when I really could've helped him." Luke shook his head in shame.
"He started bringing guys back to the villa, shooting up, having parties… it was out of control and I couldn't take it anymore so he moved out. No, I kicked him out. I tried and tried to get him to go to rehab. I mean, I was even going to go with him, stay nearby so we could do counseling together, whatever he needed to get clean. But he just disappeared. And then…"
Luke choked back a sob, tears now hot and flowing down his face. "He was so pale. And cold. And his mouth… the drugs… I-I shook him," Luke shook his own arms, "I shook him and his eyes just-" he sobbed again, "I couldn't look, Noah. I couldn't look at him lying there, staring at nothing, not breathing. It hurt so much. I couldn't help him, I'd failed, I'd used him like a selfish fucking brat and he was looking at me with those blank eyes and I did nothing-"
Noah seized Luke's arms fiercely and knelt in front of him, "No. Don't think that."
"But-"
"I know you Luke Snyder. I know your heart, I know your soul and I know what you're capable of. You are not to blame for his death."
"Yes I-"
"You are not to blame for his death." Noah shook his body with every word. "You did not kill him, you didn't give him the drugs, you did everything you could to help him and he turned away."
Luke closed his eyes and drove his head into his arms like he was trying to shut out what Noah was saying to him. "You didn't do this, Luke. You're not to blame."
His words were muted in his arms. "It's me, I do it to everyone Noah. Everyone. Don't you see?"
Noah shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
Luke lifted his head up but wouldn't look Noah in the eye. "First it was you. T-then Reid. Then you again." Noah was confused, not knowing where Luke's words were taking him but he kept listening. "And then Damian, but that didn't bother me much. Then Sante. Now my mom--" Another gasp of a sob escaped Luke. "And now you're here again a-and all these feelings just keep coming up and I feel like I'm caught in some cruel joke. Like I'm being taught a lesson about fucking up!" Luke punched his fist into the ground and leaving a deep imprint on the soft, damp earth.
"I feel like I'm drowning, Noah, and I-I want to drown because you're going to leave again and I feel like if one more person leaves me that I'll never be able to breathe again."
"Luke? Luke, look at me." Noah reached for the other man's chin and gently turned it toward himself. Wet lashes looked down, refusing to open. "Luke? Please."
Deep brown eyes, eyes from his past so full of pain and sorrow and guilt looked up into his own, bare and divested of all false facades. It was his Luke looking back at him now.
"A long time ago, you saved me. Do you remember that?" Noah's voice was gentle and full of so much love for the man sitting in front of him. "You saved me from a future of lies and regret that would have destroyed not only the people that I loved, but myself as well. You did that. And now I want to return the favor."
Luke swallowed thickly, hope now sparked deep in those eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that we've been given something that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to get. We have second chance, Luke. And I don't care if I'm not supposed to say this or whatever, but I want to try Luke. I want it so bad. I want you in my life and I'm so, so sorry I was so stupid and cut you out of it. I'm so sorry. And I want to make it up to you, I want to do everything I can to make it up to you. I'm sorry if I'm being too bold, or saying too much, but I can't help it. I love you, I've always loved you, I've never stopped loving you." Noah leaned forward and leaned his forehead against Luke's. "Please, Luke. Tell me that we have a chance."
Luke leaned back slightly, sadness spread across his features, infinite and fathomless sadness. "Noah." He lifted his hand and softly caressed Noah's cheek. "Noah." His fingers lowered and grazed across Noah's bottom lip. "Noah." He closed his eyes and Luke leaned in until he felt those tender lips against his own. Noah's hands grabbed at his shoulders, not to pull him in tighter but to keep himself from spinning out of control. They deepened the kiss, breathed the same air and clung to the thread that this could work, that they could work. Familiarity, anticipation and longing fueled them on, relearning the feel of each other, the taste and smell that lingered in the deep recesses of their memories. It was terror and bliss wrapped into a single, simple act.
As they broke apart their faces were flush with possibility. Hands roamed over shoulders and jaws and backs, tiny smiles broke through years of sadness and disappointment. Hope started to grow on the shore of Snyder Pond.
"Can we really do this?" Luke asked, his voice shaky.
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure?"
Noah shrugged. "We'll just have to see, won't we?"
They continued to hold tight, breathing in sync with each other.
"But what about your job? Don't you have to go back to Detroit?"
"Chicago."
Luke pushed back. "What?"
"Chicago. I told you Brett and I were expanding, right? I moved there three months ago. Plus, now I have a television studio to look after, so we'll just have to work something out."
"Wait, what?"
"For some crazy reason your mom left me WOAK."
Luke just laughed, which sounded like music to Noah. "Some crazy reason, you say?"
"No! You don't think…"
"What? That my mom still believed so strongly that we belong together that she's manipulating us from beyond the grave? Oh, I think it's entirely possible."
They laughed quietly as they held onto each other, sharing small tender kisses and reveling in their reunion.
"Noah?" Luke's lips spoke against his own.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think those stones are still rolling?"
Noah pulled back, looking deep into Luke's eyes and regarded the question for a second before answering with a smile.
"Yeah, but they're on the same path now."
Author: pirl
Rating: R for language
Disclaimer: not mine,yadda yadda
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Noah
<<<<<>>>>>
The knock at Noah's door surprised him. Housekeeping had already come while he was at the coffee shop, and he was certain the "Do Not Disturb" sign was still hanging on the doorknob. He buttoned up the rest of his shirt as he made his way to the door. What greeted him on the other side of the peephole was a fish-eye vision straight from one of his noir movies. With a confused grin, he promptly opened the door.
"Mrs. Walsh?"
"It's Walsh-Dixon now, darling, but that's neither here nor there." Lucinda Walsh glided through the door, airs and attitude following her like an entourage into Noah's hotel room. She glanced around the room as if taking stock and after a moment she focused back on Noah, her smile charming yet intimidating. "How are you, my young man? You've been gone for far too long, shame on you!"
"Uh, yeah-I mean, yes it's been a while." He might be older and wiser, but Lucinda still made him incredibly nervous. "I, uh, I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Yes, well…" Her eyes darkened and drifted, bumped a bit off balance for a moment before she collected herself again. "No one should ever have to outlive their children."
Lucinda's sadness was almost palpable. It wasn't often that Noah had seen Lucinda's Teflon-tough veneer show any cracks and it made his heart ache for the woman. "May I ask why you're here?"
And in the blink of an eye Dame Lucinda was back in full force. "Yes, yes! Here," she handed him a large envelope from her considerably sized handbag. "You've been bequeathed. Go on my dear boy, open it."
"Be-what?"
"Oh don't be daft! You've been named a beneficiary in Lily's will."
Noah sat down heavily on the bed. "But I-" He stared at the envelope in his hands. "This doesn't make any sense. Why me?"
Lucinda sat in the desk chair opposite Noah. "Because she loved you like a son, darling! You know she never terminated your adoption, don’t you?" She reached out with her manicured hand and swept a lock of hair off his forehead in a tender and motherly manner before cupping his cheek. "She wanted to leave you something, something that will, I don't know, help you in your journey?"
"My journey?"
"Your journey to be an exceptional young man, of course!"
Noah smiled wistfully. "You know, she'd send me a card on my birthday every year. She'd track down my address no matter where I was."
"Oh darling, that doesn't take a lot of effort if you know the right people. And believe me, we Walshes know the right people." She gave him her signature smile and Noah chuckled. "Well?" She motioned to the package in Noah's hands.
He hesitated a moment longer before turning the envelope over in his hands and bending back the metal prongs so he could slip open the flap. He pulled out a rather thick stack of papers and started to read. Not much of it made sense to him until he saw the letters 'WOAK' followed by 'sole proprietor.' Noah's stomach dropped to the floor.
"Um… I…" he gulped and looked pleadingly at Lucinda.
"Yes."
Noah shook his head. "No, I can't! I mean, I don’t know anything about running a TV station."
"Oh nonsense! You run a production company, it's practically the same thing."
Lucinda had been doing her research. "I don't-it's not-"
"Before you put another wrinkle on that darling face of yours just calm down. Sleep on it. It's going to take ages before anything comes of it anyway. Damnable lawyers!" She shook her fist in disgust. "Don't make any decisions yet. The station will continue to function in the meantime without you."
Noah calmed a little at this but his mind was still reeling with the idea of it all. Owning WOAK! The idea of it was unfathomable. He and Brett barely had enough equipment between the two of them to make a proper home movie, let alone shoot, produce and program a TV station. But the possibilities… like the ones given to him and Maddie and Luke when he first started there, he could do the same for others. Fostering students interested in the business of production and running studio, perhaps. He could start up an annex to his production company in Oakdale, maybe work out a partnership with Oakdale U once he learned how to actually manage a television station of course. Possibly rent a place and commute back and forth when he needed. Maybe he and Luke could-
"So… I hear you talked to Luke."
Noah's heart stopped. His runaway thoughts came to a dead stop and his first thought was that Lucinda not only was a savvy businesswoman, but she was a mind reader as well. But one look in her eyes and seeing that knowing twinkle told him the answer: She was just that good.
"Um, yeah. We bumped into each other at Java earlier today. It was nice to see him again." Lucinda arched her eyebrow, proclaiming her knowledge with that simple gesture that she knew it was more than just 'nice.'
"Really," He lied. "I'm glad we could catch up, and I'm happy that he seems…" Noah searched for the right word but couldn't find it, "okay."
"Okay? Okay?! Oh darling, you're as blind as ever."
That pissed Noah off. "Excuse me?"
Lucinda sighed heavily, ignoring Noah's indignation. "Luke is not okay. He's miserable! He's locked himself up in that house like a hermit. He's been punishing himself ever since he came back to Oakdale from Italy two years ago."
"Punishing himself?" Noah shook his head, not understanding Lucinda's meaning. "Why? I thought he said he left Europe after dealing with Damian's company and things were fine."
"My dear boy. If you think our Luke was just sightseeing and working for dear old dad on his international jaunt you are deluded. I'm sure he failed to mention that his mother and I had to physically force him into rehab "
Noah was alarmed. "What? When?"
"Oh, not a year after he first left. The boy was drinking himself into kidney failure, so Lily and I teamed up and got him into a clinic in Switzerland. All I have to say is thank God for the Swiss! He cleaned up in no time and he hasn't had a drop since, which we were all grateful for after the whole Sante affair."
"The what?"
Lucinda looked at Noah like he just sprouted antlers. "Sante. Sante! Of course you know about Sante!"
"I'm sorry Ms. Walsh, but I have no idea what Sante is."
"Not a what, a who! Oh dear, I seem to have let the proverbial cat out of the bag now, haven't I?" Lucinda's ring-heavy hand smoothed her hair back as if trying to regain her composure before she continued. "Well, you were bound to hear about him at some point. It's no matter who tells you then, is it?"
Noah just nodded, unsure what the hell was going on but sure in the knowledge that you didn’t interrupt Lucinda Walsh when she was on a roll.
"Sante was Luke's boyfriend-lover, whatever-that he met while in Italy after finishing rehab and going to work for Damian. He was young, naïve and simply head-over-heels in love with Luke. He followed him around like a little lost puppy and Luke lavished in the attention. He bought Sante all sorts of gifts and trinkets and was acting more and more like a Grimaldi than a Snyder, collecting beautiful things and treating them like possessions." Lucinda mouth soured with her words.
"We had no idea what was going on other than what we could glean from his emails and the, what is it called, Facebook?"
Noah nodded his head, eager for her to continue.
"Yes, well, Facebook. He sounded purely incandescent, talking about trips to Venice and Monaco, sailing around the Mediterranean. They were inseparable. But then the bubble burst, and the phone calls stopped and the emails were rushed and flimsy, not at all in Luke's style. After threatening to come out there myself to find out what was going on, our Luke confessed to me the whole dirty truth."
Lucinda pinned Noah with her gaze. "Sante was an addict. Drugs, alcohol, you name it, that boy did it. Luke didn't know at first since he was blinded by the attention that young man gave him. Eventually the monster reared its ugly head and at first Luke tried to ignore it, live with it. But as we all know that the 800-pound gorilla in the room eventually ceases to be disregarded. Luke tried desperately to help Sante, even got him a space at the same clinic Luke went to, but he refused. One thing led to another and Luke eventually gave him an ultimatum, either Sante would enter rehab or Luke would kick him out. So… Sante left. Moved out. And about two weeks later Luke came home to find the young man dead in their bedroom. The poor boy committed suicide."
Lucinda rubbed at her eyes, looking exceedingly tired all of a sudden. "There was something dark in that young man that ate him alive, and it almost took Luke with him. We tried to get him to come back to Oakdale, but he refused to do so, saying that he needed to completely dissolve Grimaldi Shipping, tie up loose ends. His brother, lovely, darling Aaron, went out there to keep an eye on him and persuade him to come home. Obviously he was successful." She gestured in the general direction of the farm. "But I'm afraid he left a part of himself back in Italy. He's not our Luke."
Noah sat there stunned. Oh, Luke… His heart ached for him. "I don't…" He shook his head, his mind unable to process all that Lucinda had told him quite yet.
"Noah, I'm an old woman, and that gives me freedom to say things that younger people aren't usually allowed to. You came here for a reason, and it wasn't just to pay your respects to my daughter. You came here for Luke. You came here to see if there was still hope for the two of you."
Noah's face warmed at the bold accusation, and for being called out for the ulterior motive he hadn't owned up to, even to himself, quite yet.
Lucinda stood up, collecting her handbag and made her way toward the door. "Noah, I don't want to leave this world without knowing my grandson is happy once again. And I know you're the man for the job. Go to him. Fix this. You know the two of you belong together, so fight for it!"
<<<<<>>>>>
By the time Noah pulled into the driveway at the farm it was rather late. So late, in fact, that there were only two cars left in front of the house. But the light was still on in the kitchen so he cut the engine and got out. After Lucinda had left him that afternoon he just sat there on the edge of the bed thinking and thinking until his room had gotten dark. After that he sat some more until finally he was fed up with thinking and needed to 'do' instead.
Waves of memories crashed against Noah as he made his way toward the farmhouse porch, threatening to drown him in their wonder and sorrow. He steeled himself before knocking on the door and a moment later, the warmth of Emma's kitchen wrapped around him like a favorite blanket. The wide eyes of a young woman stared at him from within.
"Noah! Oh my God! How are you?" Arms wrapped around his neck and soft curls of light brown hair tickled his nose.
"Natalie?" He stood back and took in another sight from his past. "Wow, you've grown up!"
Placing a hand on her hip she took a step back, inviting him into the kitchen. "Duh! It's been forever since I last saw you."
"I know, but…" he paused, his eyes still bugging out of his head at the sight of Luke's little sister, "I'm sorry, I just feel really old all of a sudden. You're still this tall in my head." He held his hand about parallel with his hip, which got him a swat on the shoulder from her.
"As if! Give me some credit. I was at least a couple inches taller than that," she teased back.
They stood there by the doorway smiling at each other for a moment longer before the solemnity of the reason they had all been reunited breathed back into the air around them.
"Nat, I'm really sorry about your mom," Noah offered.
Natalie bit on her lips and nodded. Noah could now see the redness that tinged the whites of her eyes and the pain of her loss written plain as day in them. "Thanks. I…" she breathed out sharply to steady herself, her composure faltering slightly. "Thanks." She grabbed Noah's hand and held it for a moment before motioning over to the table at the other occupant he hadn't realized was there. "You should've come earlier. You could've seen everyone."
Noah looked over at the table and saw a bored looking dark-haired teenager tapping listlessly at a game pad. For the second time that night Noah was humbled with passage of time. "Ethan?"
Familiar brown eyes looked up at him.
"Hey Ethan, this is Noah. Do you remember him?" Natalie offered.
Ethan's face scrunched up slightly, trying to access the memory of a young boy. "Not really?"
"He was Luke's boyfriend when you were little."
Ethan, definitely a product of Holden's rearing, stood up and offered his hand to Noah. "Hi." He gave Noah a firm handshake in contrast to his slim build.
"Your brother and I used to bribe you with popsicles to go to bed early."
Ethan's head tilted slightly, staring hard at Noah. "Yeah… "A smile crept onto his somber face, "and I would get in trouble with mom…"
Noah picked up the story. "Because you'd fall asleep and it melted on your sheets." The two chuckled softly at the memory.
"Wow, that was, like, forever ago!"
"No kidding," said Noah. "It's good to see you all grown up."
Ethan just shrugged. Typical teenager, Noah thought. "Um… I'd love to stay and catch up, but-"
Natalie beat him to the punch. "He went for a walk. He's probably down by the pond."
"Thanks." Noah ignored the knowing smirk on Natalie's face, turned on his heel and made his way to the Snyder pond as fast as his legs would take him.
<<<<<>>>>>
The warmth of the day had quickly been leeched by the cool, crisp night air. Not a cloud in the sky impeded Noah's moonlit trek down the familiar path toward the pond. He zipped his jacket all the way to his neck, wishing he had brought his gloves. Instead he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and trudged along the overgrown trail.
As the pond came into view Noah scanned the banks for Luke. He soon spotted him sitting on the edge of the short dock, hunched over with his back to Noah. He approached Luke slowly, keeping his footfall heavy so he didn't surprise the other man. He was just feet away when he finally saw the half empty bottle in Luke's hand glinting in the moonlight like the blade of a knife. Grief ached in his stomach, closely followed by fear. There seemed to be so much that Luke wasn't telling him.
"Luke?" Noah said gently. There was no response so he placed his hand on Luke's shoulder.
Luke shot up, spinning around wildly and nearly spraying them both with vodka.
"Whoa! Hey, it's just me!"
"Jesus Christ, Noah!" Luke's hand was clutching at his own chest as if to calm his racing heart.
"Sorry! I tried not to scare you but you didn't hear me."
"Yeah. Fine. Wasn't going to use those last few years of my life anyway."
"Luke…" Noah reached his hand out toward the bottle Luke still held, silently asking the other man to hand it to him. Without hesitation he handed it over, looking like he expected Noah to put on a display of pouring out the contents. Instead, Noah leaned his head back and took a giant swig.
The burn of alcohol felt good in Noah's throat and the taste was warm and sweet on his tongue. He looked at the label but didn't recognize the brand.
"Smooth." Feeling reckless all of a sudden, he took another pull.
Luke shook his head, his face bright with astonishment of Noah's actions. "I wouldn't know."
Noah shot him a confused look.
"Haven't had a drop." Luke said matter-of-factly.
Noah shook his head and looked heavenward at the stars, laughing slightly in disbelief.
But Luke persisted. "Honest. I bought it tonight with full intention of getting so shit-faced I forgot who I was. But then I came out here and…" he shrugged, "I couldn't."
"But-" Noah examined the half empty bottle again.
"I've been sitting here trying to psyche myself into either drinking it or pouring it all out, but all I can do is pour a little out at a time." He gave a frustrated laugh. "Fucking ridiculous."
He looked dejected, Noah thought. There was no pride or joy in him at all. The façade had been left behind and what stood in front of Noah was the shell of a man he once knew. Luke pushed back at his unruly hair and shifted his stance in unease like he knew he was under scrutiny. He was wearing the same dark red polo from earlier that day, apparently ignoring the chilly weather around him. His jeans were soaked just under his knees to his bare feet from hanging them off the dock into the pond.
"Luke, where are your shoes?"
Luke shrugged and threw a thumb over his shoulder, pointing toward the pond. Noah couldn't see them on the dock anywhere, but about fifteen feet from the edge he saw what could be a sneaker bobbing in the dark, cool water.
"You threw your shoes in the pond?"
"You threw your shoes in the pond?" Luke mocked under his breath. "What the hell difference does it make?"
"Why?"
"Why not? Served their purpose. Didn't like 'em anyway. Are we really talking about shoes, Noah?" His tone was getting laced with more bitterness with each second that passed. "Why are you here?"
"You invited me."
"Oh come on! Everybody's gone already! If you really gave a shit you'd have been here earlier."
Noah flinched. "Why are you being so damn hostile?"
"You left, Noah! You disappeared!" Luke shouted so loud Noah swore he could hear it echo through the trees. "What the fuck?! I mean, goddammit Noah, I know I messed up and that we weren't… but everyone else? Did you have to cut them off too?"
If Luke wanted a fight, Noah wouldn’t disappoint. "Jesus, Luke, it's called Google! It's not like I changed names or anything. Two seconds on the internet and you'd find me no problem."
"That's not the point!" Luke closed the distance between them, his voice a growl. "The point is that I shouldn't have to."
Luke's look was challenging, daring Noah to deny he was wrong. He huffed out a couple of irritated breaths before continuing.
"The signals were loud and clear that you didn't want to be bothered. In fact, why are you still here? Just go already." He shoved Noah's shoulder. "Go back to L.A. Go before we stain your precious existence. So sorry my fucked up life doesn't fit into your slick Hollywood world."
"Fuck you, Luke!" Noah spat out, throwing the bottle he still held to the ground near Luke's feet. "You have no idea what I went through out there!" Luke sneered at him, rolling his eyes, but Noah ignored it. "I was lost in L.A, Luke! So fucking lost. Everything I did and everything I saw reminded me of you and Oakdale and everything I had run away from. Everything was wrong and I couldn't cope to save my own ass. No matter how many times I tried to get my head straight I just fell apart again. My goddamn advisor almost suspended me from our shoot because I'd gotten into fight with the Assistant Director. I gave him a bloody nose, accusing him of sabotaging my project and all sorts of other crazy shit. I’m lucky he didn’t press charges."
Luke's earlier hostility began to visibly lessen, but he seemed to remain unmoved as Noah went on.
"But what was I going to tell my advisor? What part of my life do I share with him to make him understand what was going on? The part where I was working two jobs to make ends meet and sleeping only a couple hours a night? Or the part where I was closing the clubs and throwing myself at anyone who'd keep the drinks coming because my head was so fucked up over my ex-boyfriend and the ghosts of Oakdale past that I couldn't stand to be alone in my apartment? What about how my heart stopped every time I saw someone that even remotely looked like you on the street, thinking that after all this time you’d finally come to L.A.? Wait, this is the best one, how about when Ameera had to pick my wasted ass up from the hospital when I mistook 'hey let's go back to my place' with 'I'm going to beat the living shit out of you in the parking lot and steal everything you've got?' That's a good one."
Luke looked confused and humbled by Noah's story. "I-I don't know what to say…"
"Whatever. Fine. Fuck it. I moved on. Therapy first, of course. That was part of the deal I made with my advisor. So then I put on the mask and pretended that everything was just fine. Everything’s fine. Just don’t ask me for details. I'm coping. So don’t tell me about how I should be finally finding peace doing what I love. Living the dream. The dream of some star-struck dipshit who couldn’t tell when reality started to become fantasy."
Noah sat down heavily on the grass, boneless and without the grace his long body usually possessed. "God, I was so ashamed. I was failing at everything I'd dreamed of, of getting what I wanted, or so I thought. I blamed you, Reid, the accident, my dad, everything on why nothing was working out the way I'd planned. I blamed everyone except who I should've. Myself." Noah felt Luke sit down next to him on the ground, his thigh brushing up ever so slightly against his own. The next thing he felt was a hand rubbing soothing, encouraging circles on his back. Noah closed his eyes for a moment and focused on the heat Luke's hand generated, chasing the cold away. He sucked in a deep breath and continued.
"I decided to cut all ties to Oakdale because I thought that as long as you and everything else from my past were still in my life that I'd never be able to focus on my future. My therapist didn't approve, he said it was avoidance or whatever. But after a while, a long while, everything started to get better." A sad, small smile appeared on Noah's face.
"Dr. Gant and Ameera were pretty much the only people in my life that kept me from falling down again. They kicked my sorry ass into shape and helped me finally grow a set. I was finally brave enough to make that leap away from L.A. and the industry. I met Brett soon after and we almost immediately moved to Detroit. But this time I wasn't running away, I was moving on."
"It was scary at first, but thrilling to start walking a path that I hadn’t even thought of going down. It was one of the hardest things to admit to myself that I really didn’t like what I thought I’d wanted to do all my life. But I found purpose finally, and it was exactly what I needed."
"It was crazy back then, Detroit was such an artist's enclave and it had an almost guerilla feel to it. People from all over were carving out niches for themselves there, making something beautiful and meaningful. That's where I met Javi-he was the final piece of the puzzle. And things were really, really great for a while. But things change. People change… or not. And…" Noah let the rest of the sentence drift off, apprehensive to finish it.
But Luke was always persistent. "And?"
Noah sucked in a deep breath. "I-I couldn't give him what he wanted."
"What was that?" Luke whispered.
Noah stopped and started a half dozen times before he was able to continue. It was now or never, his brain told him. After all this time, after everything they'd been through could it still be possible that they could make this work? Noah was so close to his happy ending that when he finally spoke his voice trembled with so much overwhelming emotion that it made him almost nauseous.
"I couldn't give him the part of my heart that belongs to you."
Luke didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. Instead he wrapped his arms around Noah's shoulders and clung to him like a life preserver, burying his face in the other man's neck and breathing in deep.
Unsure of exactly what Luke's gesture meant, Noah hazarded to perceive it as a good sign. They rocked back and forth for a while like that, in each other's arms and breathing in the cool, damp night air. Soon enough, though, Noah needed to ask Luke a question that was sure to cause him pain, but it needed to be done. "For my own sake and for Luke's," he thought.
"Luke, tell me about Sante." The other man stilled and went rigid. Noah gently pulled back, taking in Luke's shocked and scared face.
"Lucinda told me."
Luke let go of Noah and brought his arms in front of himself to hug his knees into his chest, making himself smaller and feel less vulnerable. He was quiet for a while, staring off to the pond before he finally spoke.
"He was beautiful." Luke's eyes were shining in the moonlight of the memory. "He was so beautiful-- body and soul. After I'd gone through so much with rehab and everything with you and Reid, I simply couldn't help it. I found myself captivated by him. He was so effortless, you know? One of those types of people who could just go with the flow. A true free spirit. He made me laugh, and he loved me with everything he had."
Luke's smile fell. "But I took it all for granted. I guess I figured he was so young that he didn't know what he wanted, and that we were just having fun and he'd see soon enough that there were plenty of other fish in the sea. And I was okay with that. I expected it to happen because I wanted it to happen. I didn't want to get attached. I didn't want to love anyone again."
"What happened was that I didn't take him or our relationship seriously. I was too focused on making sure I was maintaining a distance and keeping myself from getting too caught up that I didn't see him trying to reach out and ask for help. Later, when he was using, he told me about his family and how they ridiculed him and kicked him out when they found out he was gay. A lot of families in Italy are still really conservative and his just threw him out. It explained a lot of his behavior, but I was too busy keeping him at arm's length that I didn't recognize it when I really could've helped him." Luke shook his head in shame.
"He started bringing guys back to the villa, shooting up, having parties… it was out of control and I couldn't take it anymore so he moved out. No, I kicked him out. I tried and tried to get him to go to rehab. I mean, I was even going to go with him, stay nearby so we could do counseling together, whatever he needed to get clean. But he just disappeared. And then…"
Luke choked back a sob, tears now hot and flowing down his face. "He was so pale. And cold. And his mouth… the drugs… I-I shook him," Luke shook his own arms, "I shook him and his eyes just-" he sobbed again, "I couldn't look, Noah. I couldn't look at him lying there, staring at nothing, not breathing. It hurt so much. I couldn't help him, I'd failed, I'd used him like a selfish fucking brat and he was looking at me with those blank eyes and I did nothing-"
Noah seized Luke's arms fiercely and knelt in front of him, "No. Don't think that."
"But-"
"I know you Luke Snyder. I know your heart, I know your soul and I know what you're capable of. You are not to blame for his death."
"Yes I-"
"You are not to blame for his death." Noah shook his body with every word. "You did not kill him, you didn't give him the drugs, you did everything you could to help him and he turned away."
Luke closed his eyes and drove his head into his arms like he was trying to shut out what Noah was saying to him. "You didn't do this, Luke. You're not to blame."
His words were muted in his arms. "It's me, I do it to everyone Noah. Everyone. Don't you see?"
Noah shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
Luke lifted his head up but wouldn't look Noah in the eye. "First it was you. T-then Reid. Then you again." Noah was confused, not knowing where Luke's words were taking him but he kept listening. "And then Damian, but that didn't bother me much. Then Sante. Now my mom--" Another gasp of a sob escaped Luke. "And now you're here again a-and all these feelings just keep coming up and I feel like I'm caught in some cruel joke. Like I'm being taught a lesson about fucking up!" Luke punched his fist into the ground and leaving a deep imprint on the soft, damp earth.
"I feel like I'm drowning, Noah, and I-I want to drown because you're going to leave again and I feel like if one more person leaves me that I'll never be able to breathe again."
"Luke? Luke, look at me." Noah reached for the other man's chin and gently turned it toward himself. Wet lashes looked down, refusing to open. "Luke? Please."
Deep brown eyes, eyes from his past so full of pain and sorrow and guilt looked up into his own, bare and divested of all false facades. It was his Luke looking back at him now.
"A long time ago, you saved me. Do you remember that?" Noah's voice was gentle and full of so much love for the man sitting in front of him. "You saved me from a future of lies and regret that would have destroyed not only the people that I loved, but myself as well. You did that. And now I want to return the favor."
Luke swallowed thickly, hope now sparked deep in those eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that we've been given something that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to get. We have second chance, Luke. And I don't care if I'm not supposed to say this or whatever, but I want to try Luke. I want it so bad. I want you in my life and I'm so, so sorry I was so stupid and cut you out of it. I'm so sorry. And I want to make it up to you, I want to do everything I can to make it up to you. I'm sorry if I'm being too bold, or saying too much, but I can't help it. I love you, I've always loved you, I've never stopped loving you." Noah leaned forward and leaned his forehead against Luke's. "Please, Luke. Tell me that we have a chance."
Luke leaned back slightly, sadness spread across his features, infinite and fathomless sadness. "Noah." He lifted his hand and softly caressed Noah's cheek. "Noah." His fingers lowered and grazed across Noah's bottom lip. "Noah." He closed his eyes and Luke leaned in until he felt those tender lips against his own. Noah's hands grabbed at his shoulders, not to pull him in tighter but to keep himself from spinning out of control. They deepened the kiss, breathed the same air and clung to the thread that this could work, that they could work. Familiarity, anticipation and longing fueled them on, relearning the feel of each other, the taste and smell that lingered in the deep recesses of their memories. It was terror and bliss wrapped into a single, simple act.
As they broke apart their faces were flush with possibility. Hands roamed over shoulders and jaws and backs, tiny smiles broke through years of sadness and disappointment. Hope started to grow on the shore of Snyder Pond.
"Can we really do this?" Luke asked, his voice shaky.
"Yes."
"How can you be so sure?"
Noah shrugged. "We'll just have to see, won't we?"
They continued to hold tight, breathing in sync with each other.
"But what about your job? Don't you have to go back to Detroit?"
"Chicago."
Luke pushed back. "What?"
"Chicago. I told you Brett and I were expanding, right? I moved there three months ago. Plus, now I have a television studio to look after, so we'll just have to work something out."
"Wait, what?"
"For some crazy reason your mom left me WOAK."
Luke just laughed, which sounded like music to Noah. "Some crazy reason, you say?"
"No! You don't think…"
"What? That my mom still believed so strongly that we belong together that she's manipulating us from beyond the grave? Oh, I think it's entirely possible."
They laughed quietly as they held onto each other, sharing small tender kisses and reveling in their reunion.
"Noah?" Luke's lips spoke against his own.
"Yeah?"
"Do you think those stones are still rolling?"
Noah pulled back, looking deep into Luke's eyes and regarded the question for a second before answering with a smile.
"Yeah, but they're on the same path now."