Learning and growing and all that silly rainbow stuff
I had fun at the wedding. It was a bit awkward at times, but bearable until the end. In the middle of the night we called each other and talked until 4 or 5 in the morning about the truth behind the demise of our relationship. He cited some things that he thought were too different about us to work out in the long run. Some of these things I had been blind to, but now I know and I'm going to change. Of course, he's claimed some blame for different things too. But as for me...
Now I know how to be a better person. No, I don't want to hear you're-fine-as-you-are from anyone. That's nice, but it's not true for anyone. There are always flaws that can be worked on. I'm apparently more stubborn than I thought I was about convincing someone who doesn't want to be convinced. I know I've always been a bit oblivious- my thoughts wander even in the middle of a serious conversation with someone I love (family and friends), and apparently I miss some important but subtle things because of it. And of course I cry at the drop of a hat about anything that upsets me. I used to hardly ever cry, but since I've left high school man I've been a weepy wimp.
We're going to be friends because ending things in this I-was-wronged-and-damn-it-you'll-pay attitude doesn't help me move on. We're going to be friends, but not right now. Not in person. But in time we will still be internet friends and if he wants to ask me how school is going, I won't deny him a reply. He was not just my boyfriend, but my best friend. We broke up because he's leaving and our relationship really wasn't strong enough for him to ask me to pick up my life and guide it in conjunction with his. We'll be friends again someday. And I feel a lot better.
Again in other news, I am determined to adopt a cat. I told my mother this and she finally relented (I pay my own rent, but she helps with bills and this would fall under bills expenses, wouldn't it?). "The only thing I want," she said, "is that you should not get a black cat." I asked her why and she wouldn't elaborate. I once observed to her that she was very superstitious in the way that people from low/middle classes of foreign cultures are. She shrugged it off, but I think this is proof. So I'm going to be cruising the adoption centers for non-black, affectionate cats. Let me know if you've seen some.
Now I know how to be a better person. No, I don't want to hear you're-fine-as-you-are from anyone. That's nice, but it's not true for anyone. There are always flaws that can be worked on. I'm apparently more stubborn than I thought I was about convincing someone who doesn't want to be convinced. I know I've always been a bit oblivious- my thoughts wander even in the middle of a serious conversation with someone I love (family and friends), and apparently I miss some important but subtle things because of it. And of course I cry at the drop of a hat about anything that upsets me. I used to hardly ever cry, but since I've left high school man I've been a weepy wimp.
We're going to be friends because ending things in this I-was-wronged-and-damn-it-you'll-pay attitude doesn't help me move on. We're going to be friends, but not right now. Not in person. But in time we will still be internet friends and if he wants to ask me how school is going, I won't deny him a reply. He was not just my boyfriend, but my best friend. We broke up because he's leaving and our relationship really wasn't strong enough for him to ask me to pick up my life and guide it in conjunction with his. We'll be friends again someday. And I feel a lot better.
Again in other news, I am determined to adopt a cat. I told my mother this and she finally relented (I pay my own rent, but she helps with bills and this would fall under bills expenses, wouldn't it?). "The only thing I want," she said, "is that you should not get a black cat." I asked her why and she wouldn't elaborate. I once observed to her that she was very superstitious in the way that people from low/middle classes of foreign cultures are. She shrugged it off, but I think this is proof. So I'm going to be cruising the adoption centers for non-black, affectionate cats. Let me know if you've seen some.