(no subject)
Yeah, livejournal is a good place to be. Now that the whole world doesnt live on livejournal, everyone who's left can just post serious stuff, it's like a real journal! But I am in need of a journal right now. And i dont even care who sees this or what people think, they probably won't understand it anyway.
Why does college change so many people? How does it do that? How can people be so far from who and what you thought they were? Is it possible that you never knew them at all, or have they just been corrupted(sp?)? It seems to me that college is like this huge life chipper. Very similar to a wood chipper, only instead it chops up life and leaves you with this chippy blob of what was your life before it came along.
Seems like not many things can survive through college. Morals, inhibitions, goals, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends. They all get chopped up, and in the end all you have is this jumble of stuff. Pieces of memories and parts of friendships and maybe even a scrap of dignity here and there. And it's all thats left of the life you used to have and the person you used to be.
And you know, college isn't even an object. It isn't a person or a thing forcing you to do anything. Really, it's just a phase of life, and everything that happens to people they do to themselves. After all, being in college doesnt give you any less control over yourself, it's more freedom than anything, and yet people change so much during their years there because they say they were forced to or there was pressure or something like that. To me this completely contradicts the whole idea of college, which is to really grow up and take control of your own life and everything you do.
College isn't an excuse to throw away everything you've learned about life and right and wrong thus far. It's when you're supposed to use all you've learned and your sense of right and wrong to make GOOD decisions. There is nothing wrong with trying new things. But there IS something wrong with trying new things that are illegal or go against your personal values. You dont have to push the envelope! Somehow i doubt you will look back on this in ten years and think, "God! I wish i had gotten drunk more!" or "God, i should have had more sex with people and tried out more drugs and gone to less clases!"
Why the change? Why do you have to change? I dont understand. Is your life so awful? Is it missing so much, was everything you had so insufficient that you have to fill it with so many "new" things? Was i not enough? Not a good enough friend that you had to go out looking so hard for so many more? I can't make you happy enough that you don't need to be high to feel good? Is there really no other way to have fun? To be excited? Nothing else you could do that would be an adventure? Is the world such a dull place that you have to escape it? Maybe you should just appreciate it more. Maybe you should appreciate people more. What happened to the person I knew? Where did they go? Did you change in a moment, or did it happen over time? Most importantly, why do i have to hurt so much when i didn't do anything. I stayed true to myself, and i always will. And yet i too have lost a part of me. I didn't do anything to myself, but still some of me is gone. What do you do with yourself when the person who made you so much of who you are cant be there anymore? How do you think with only half a brain? Hearts can heal, but only when all the pieces are there, so what happens when a piece of it is simply gone? Will that part be empty forever? How will i go on as i have without you? Why do these things have to happen?
i wish it didn't have to be this way. Who am i now. What am i going to do.
Why does college change so many people? How does it do that? How can people be so far from who and what you thought they were? Is it possible that you never knew them at all, or have they just been corrupted(sp?)? It seems to me that college is like this huge life chipper. Very similar to a wood chipper, only instead it chops up life and leaves you with this chippy blob of what was your life before it came along.
Seems like not many things can survive through college. Morals, inhibitions, goals, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends. They all get chopped up, and in the end all you have is this jumble of stuff. Pieces of memories and parts of friendships and maybe even a scrap of dignity here and there. And it's all thats left of the life you used to have and the person you used to be.
And you know, college isn't even an object. It isn't a person or a thing forcing you to do anything. Really, it's just a phase of life, and everything that happens to people they do to themselves. After all, being in college doesnt give you any less control over yourself, it's more freedom than anything, and yet people change so much during their years there because they say they were forced to or there was pressure or something like that. To me this completely contradicts the whole idea of college, which is to really grow up and take control of your own life and everything you do.
College isn't an excuse to throw away everything you've learned about life and right and wrong thus far. It's when you're supposed to use all you've learned and your sense of right and wrong to make GOOD decisions. There is nothing wrong with trying new things. But there IS something wrong with trying new things that are illegal or go against your personal values. You dont have to push the envelope! Somehow i doubt you will look back on this in ten years and think, "God! I wish i had gotten drunk more!" or "God, i should have had more sex with people and tried out more drugs and gone to less clases!"
Why the change? Why do you have to change? I dont understand. Is your life so awful? Is it missing so much, was everything you had so insufficient that you have to fill it with so many "new" things? Was i not enough? Not a good enough friend that you had to go out looking so hard for so many more? I can't make you happy enough that you don't need to be high to feel good? Is there really no other way to have fun? To be excited? Nothing else you could do that would be an adventure? Is the world such a dull place that you have to escape it? Maybe you should just appreciate it more. Maybe you should appreciate people more. What happened to the person I knew? Where did they go? Did you change in a moment, or did it happen over time? Most importantly, why do i have to hurt so much when i didn't do anything. I stayed true to myself, and i always will. And yet i too have lost a part of me. I didn't do anything to myself, but still some of me is gone. What do you do with yourself when the person who made you so much of who you are cant be there anymore? How do you think with only half a brain? Hearts can heal, but only when all the pieces are there, so what happens when a piece of it is simply gone? Will that part be empty forever? How will i go on as i have without you? Why do these things have to happen?
i wish it didn't have to be this way. Who am i now. What am i going to do.