Communist Vowel Hunter
"HLO HW R U?"
"FN! N U?"
"K SPSE, BT I WNDR ABT TH MNG OF LFE. R WE JST ANMLS OR R WE SMTHNG MR?"
The rapid rise of technological messaging in western society is damaging the second best part of our culture. It's a problem that flies under the radars of most people, since most people put their radars on the roof, and text messaging usually happens on the ground.
I'd be the first to admit that I like big words. And I cannot prevaricate. You other brothers can't repudiate...
Moving on.
The advent of instant messaging is a revolution in personal communication. It's amazing to be able to call anyone in the world. Well, anyone with enough money and technological access to buy a cell phone. I don't imagine I could look up !NGUK!KA of the San tribes of the Kalahari desert. I'm sure he's heard of cell phones, he just can't figure out why he'd need one.
"OMG I 8 A GZLLE! LOL"
I'm already not a fan of cell phones, whether used as artificial memories, personality replacements, excuses, or car-insurance premium raisers.
-------
"Hey. Yeah. It's me. Nothing. At the store. What did you want me to get? Bleach? Blees? What are you saying? Oh, PEAS! Yeah, I couldn't hear you. Peas, right? Frozen? Fresh peas? What does 'fresh frozen' mean? Well I don't think they let them rot before they freeze them. Heh. 'Rot Frozen peas'. Ha ha. OK, Frozen peas. Sorry, 'Fresh frozen'. What else? Cereal? What kind of cereal? ...right ... with the fuzzy guy? ... do you mean Honeycomb? You know, the fuzzy honeycomb guy. With the big eyes? From TV? What do you mean you've never seen him? He steals the kids Honeycomb or something. No, not like the Trix rabbit. No, the kids are stealing the leprechaun's cereal stash. Heh. Yeah, 'They're always after me ...' right. Like in Austin Powers. Heh, now you get that joke. So you want Lucky Charms then? OK. Do we need milk? Milk. For the cereal? Yes. You put it on the Cereal. You're such a spaz. Hang on. Get away from me, creep! Stop following me around the store! Honey, I have to go. Some jerk is following me around the store with a tape recorder. No, I'm going to the security guard."
And so on.
Text messaging is even odder. Our first real attempt at post-keyboard text only messaging, and they base it on forty year old technology.
The interface for text messaging is poorly designed. I don't say this to insult any of the engineers and programmers, and PhDs who designed it. Those guys are smarter than I am, and I'm sure they did the best they could with what they had.
But using 9 digits to input messages based on a twenty-six letter alphabet, plus punctuation, plus grammar, plus coherent sentence structure... well, damn.
Not to mention that instant messaging, gaming, and passing notes at school had already weakenend the language to breaking point. Something had to go.
I like that we kept manners.
"U STLE MY CDPLYR GNNA KCK UR ASS. PLS CLL ME."
Texting can be used for business: "SALE CMPLT. TKNG CLNT 2 STRP CLB"
Or Politics: "KRL RV SYS ONO DEMS SUX HEH U SUX LOL"
or Religion "OMG LOL GD ROX JC RoX 2 HLY GST RoX AMN"
Or the Military: "TRGT SGHTD. BGN BMBNG RN?" "K LOL"
Or the Aerospace industry: "W LND ON MRS! OMFG! OMFG! MRS! HLY CRP!"
Imagine the uses in the future!
Doctors! : "OMG UR BTT OK N CNCR LOL. SRY ABT FNGR"
The judicial system: "GOV SYS N PRDN LT HM FRY"
Natural research: "OMG JIM GT 8 BY TGR! CLL US MBSY. YS RLY."
Writing stupid ramblings online: "STFU. GTFO. PK SUX LOL. LSR"
KTHX BYE.
OMFG!
"FN! N U?"
"K SPSE, BT I WNDR ABT TH MNG OF LFE. R WE JST ANMLS OR R WE SMTHNG MR?"
The rapid rise of technological messaging in western society is damaging the second best part of our culture. It's a problem that flies under the radars of most people, since most people put their radars on the roof, and text messaging usually happens on the ground.
I'd be the first to admit that I like big words. And I cannot prevaricate. You other brothers can't repudiate...
Moving on.
The advent of instant messaging is a revolution in personal communication. It's amazing to be able to call anyone in the world. Well, anyone with enough money and technological access to buy a cell phone. I don't imagine I could look up !NGUK!KA of the San tribes of the Kalahari desert. I'm sure he's heard of cell phones, he just can't figure out why he'd need one.
"OMG I 8 A GZLLE! LOL"
I'm already not a fan of cell phones, whether used as artificial memories, personality replacements, excuses, or car-insurance premium raisers.
-------
"Hey. Yeah. It's me. Nothing. At the store. What did you want me to get? Bleach? Blees? What are you saying? Oh, PEAS! Yeah, I couldn't hear you. Peas, right? Frozen? Fresh peas? What does 'fresh frozen' mean? Well I don't think they let them rot before they freeze them. Heh. 'Rot Frozen peas'. Ha ha. OK, Frozen peas. Sorry, 'Fresh frozen'. What else? Cereal? What kind of cereal? ...right ... with the fuzzy guy? ... do you mean Honeycomb? You know, the fuzzy honeycomb guy. With the big eyes? From TV? What do you mean you've never seen him? He steals the kids Honeycomb or something. No, not like the Trix rabbit. No, the kids are stealing the leprechaun's cereal stash. Heh. Yeah, 'They're always after me ...' right. Like in Austin Powers. Heh, now you get that joke. So you want Lucky Charms then? OK. Do we need milk? Milk. For the cereal? Yes. You put it on the Cereal. You're such a spaz. Hang on. Get away from me, creep! Stop following me around the store! Honey, I have to go. Some jerk is following me around the store with a tape recorder. No, I'm going to the security guard."
And so on.
Text messaging is even odder. Our first real attempt at post-keyboard text only messaging, and they base it on forty year old technology.
The interface for text messaging is poorly designed. I don't say this to insult any of the engineers and programmers, and PhDs who designed it. Those guys are smarter than I am, and I'm sure they did the best they could with what they had.
But using 9 digits to input messages based on a twenty-six letter alphabet, plus punctuation, plus grammar, plus coherent sentence structure... well, damn.
Not to mention that instant messaging, gaming, and passing notes at school had already weakenend the language to breaking point. Something had to go.
I like that we kept manners.
"U STLE MY CDPLYR GNNA KCK UR ASS. PLS CLL ME."
Texting can be used for business: "SALE CMPLT. TKNG CLNT 2 STRP CLB"
Or Politics: "KRL RV SYS ONO DEMS SUX HEH U SUX LOL"
or Religion "OMG LOL GD ROX JC RoX 2 HLY GST RoX AMN"
Or the Military: "TRGT SGHTD. BGN BMBNG RN?" "K LOL"
Or the Aerospace industry: "W LND ON MRS! OMFG! OMFG! MRS! HLY CRP!"
Imagine the uses in the future!
Doctors! : "OMG UR BTT OK N CNCR LOL. SRY ABT FNGR"
The judicial system: "GOV SYS N PRDN LT HM FRY"
Natural research: "OMG JIM GT 8 BY TGR! CLL US MBSY. YS RLY."
Writing stupid ramblings online: "STFU. GTFO. PK SUX LOL. LSR"
KTHX BYE.
OMFG!