Notes 7/1/13
Let me begin by just saying: Holy shit, I can't believe it's July already.
With that out of the way...
In the past 5 days, I have done something like 24 massage hours. It's been pretty grueling. I have been having to put on my ice mits when I get home from work. My ice mits are a pair of socks that each have two ice packs in them. I have folded the socks around in such a way that they form an ice pack sandwich, with my hand in the middle. I have named them George and Martha Icington.
In other news, I have been indulging in a minor obsession with chocolate milkshakes this week. Actually, I have only had two of them, which I guess doesn't really qualify as an obsession... but two in one week is a lot more chocolate milkshakes than is normal for me. One of them I poured some vodka into, but the second one I just drank in it's virgin state. I should probably reign in the milkshake consumption, especially since I have not been to the gym in hella days... but whatever, as the old Newman family expression goes, austerity tomorrow.
My Big Plan for Changes is still on hold. I went and got myself a big white board the other day, which is helpful in organizing the ideas in my head. From these attempts to organize, I am drawing a few conclusions. Firstly, the thing that is the biggest problem that I am trying to get out of is my job. I also have issues with where I live, but I am more ambivalent and conflicted about it, so it's not as urgent of a problem. So in the process of exploring my issues with my job (on my white board) it occurred to me that pretty much all of my work problems could be resolved, if I were able to overcome my internal block about starting a private practice. Everything I hate about my job would pretty much be eliminated if I were my own boss. And my confidence in my massage skill is slowly growing, and I am now pretty confident that I possess a skill that people will pay at least $60 an hour for. People pay my employer that much every day, and I only get $16 of it. I think I was going into my planning with the underlying belief that I am just not very good at making money, and that what I have been earning so far in massage is the best I can do. I think this underlying belief was kind of at the root the urgency I felt to both go into an esthetics program, and build a house. If this is the money I can make with massage, I had better learn to do something else, and I had better try to reduce my expenses as much as possible for the foreseeable future. And I think that urgency might have been what came across as manic. Although it's kind of a chicken and egg question- did I feel manic because I felt urgent changes were needed, or did I feel like urgent changes were needed because I was being manic?
In any case, I still want to do an esthetics program, and I still want to build a tiny house, and I will probably do both of those things eventually... but maybe I don't need to do them right now to fix my life. Maybe they could just be things I do because they are cool and interesting, not because I am trying to escape the crappy job on the main stage.
So I think I am undertaking an important first step here, in just believing that making a living with my own massage business is possible. That's an important shift in attitude. Up until now I was completely intimidated by the idea, to the point where I just assumed I couldn't do it. I still don't know the HOW of it... I don't know how I am going to do it. I also don't know where- I am still skeptical about Vallejo being viable for that sort of business. But how and where are solvable problems.
In a completely (well, mostly) unrelated note, I have an idea for an etsy store item: a quilt kit. My favorite parts of quilting are picking out the fabrics and cutting the pieces. Other people might want a quilt kit where all the design decisions are made, the pieces are pre-washed and cut out, and all they have to do is sew them together. I could also use my kick-ass writing skills to write some good detailed directions for beginners.
With that out of the way...
In the past 5 days, I have done something like 24 massage hours. It's been pretty grueling. I have been having to put on my ice mits when I get home from work. My ice mits are a pair of socks that each have two ice packs in them. I have folded the socks around in such a way that they form an ice pack sandwich, with my hand in the middle. I have named them George and Martha Icington.
In other news, I have been indulging in a minor obsession with chocolate milkshakes this week. Actually, I have only had two of them, which I guess doesn't really qualify as an obsession... but two in one week is a lot more chocolate milkshakes than is normal for me. One of them I poured some vodka into, but the second one I just drank in it's virgin state. I should probably reign in the milkshake consumption, especially since I have not been to the gym in hella days... but whatever, as the old Newman family expression goes, austerity tomorrow.
My Big Plan for Changes is still on hold. I went and got myself a big white board the other day, which is helpful in organizing the ideas in my head. From these attempts to organize, I am drawing a few conclusions. Firstly, the thing that is the biggest problem that I am trying to get out of is my job. I also have issues with where I live, but I am more ambivalent and conflicted about it, so it's not as urgent of a problem. So in the process of exploring my issues with my job (on my white board) it occurred to me that pretty much all of my work problems could be resolved, if I were able to overcome my internal block about starting a private practice. Everything I hate about my job would pretty much be eliminated if I were my own boss. And my confidence in my massage skill is slowly growing, and I am now pretty confident that I possess a skill that people will pay at least $60 an hour for. People pay my employer that much every day, and I only get $16 of it. I think I was going into my planning with the underlying belief that I am just not very good at making money, and that what I have been earning so far in massage is the best I can do. I think this underlying belief was kind of at the root the urgency I felt to both go into an esthetics program, and build a house. If this is the money I can make with massage, I had better learn to do something else, and I had better try to reduce my expenses as much as possible for the foreseeable future. And I think that urgency might have been what came across as manic. Although it's kind of a chicken and egg question- did I feel manic because I felt urgent changes were needed, or did I feel like urgent changes were needed because I was being manic?
In any case, I still want to do an esthetics program, and I still want to build a tiny house, and I will probably do both of those things eventually... but maybe I don't need to do them right now to fix my life. Maybe they could just be things I do because they are cool and interesting, not because I am trying to escape the crappy job on the main stage.
So I think I am undertaking an important first step here, in just believing that making a living with my own massage business is possible. That's an important shift in attitude. Up until now I was completely intimidated by the idea, to the point where I just assumed I couldn't do it. I still don't know the HOW of it... I don't know how I am going to do it. I also don't know where- I am still skeptical about Vallejo being viable for that sort of business. But how and where are solvable problems.
In a completely (well, mostly) unrelated note, I have an idea for an etsy store item: a quilt kit. My favorite parts of quilting are picking out the fabrics and cutting the pieces. Other people might want a quilt kit where all the design decisions are made, the pieces are pre-washed and cut out, and all they have to do is sew them together. I could also use my kick-ass writing skills to write some good detailed directions for beginners.