the thing about panic attacks...
I woke up this morning with my heart racing and my mind unable to concentrate. Millions of sad feelings overtook every memory I tried to bring up - swallowing them whole. I tried my best to push it down, but it was like when you have a lid that's too small for a can. I'd push, but they'd still get through the cracks in the side. Surprizingly, simply listening to the rain and trying to numb my brain worked to calm me down.
I had one yesterday morning as well and I spent the entire day trying to regain balance. It worked until late last night when David said something about talking to a Clark girl and then in all came back. I should have just got offline before he could have said anything.
I guess I don't want to hear anything about college. I'm very excited to meet new people and have new experiences - as well as getting to learn how to do what I think is the coolest stuff ever - but a part of me is really dreading it. I fear leaving everything I know, knowing that when I come back it will never be the same. Even if I stayed here it wouldn't be the same. Change is inevitable. Sometimes I am fine with the concept and all honkey dory, but the past few days it's become a rock in my chest. It's to the point that I want it to happen tomorrow or not happen at all because this 'waiting' period is killing me. To use a similie; it's like a movie car accident. The waiting period is the period of time in which the person in the car sees the other car coming straight at them but can't do anything about it. I'd rather just get hit, heal, re-cooperate, and get over it - not sit here stareing at the car.
I want to hang out with my friends and enjoy summer. Not sit at home alone and start thinking about all this stuff that gets me down.
++UPDATE++
It's now 2:54 and things are back to normal. I ended up talking to a girl that just graduated from RIT and some of the guys that will be in my class. One of them is like a male version of myself, so I'm excited now. I also ended up dancing and cleaning around the house which I've put off until today. Life is good once again.
I had one yesterday morning as well and I spent the entire day trying to regain balance. It worked until late last night when David said something about talking to a Clark girl and then in all came back. I should have just got offline before he could have said anything.
I guess I don't want to hear anything about college. I'm very excited to meet new people and have new experiences - as well as getting to learn how to do what I think is the coolest stuff ever - but a part of me is really dreading it. I fear leaving everything I know, knowing that when I come back it will never be the same. Even if I stayed here it wouldn't be the same. Change is inevitable. Sometimes I am fine with the concept and all honkey dory, but the past few days it's become a rock in my chest. It's to the point that I want it to happen tomorrow or not happen at all because this 'waiting' period is killing me. To use a similie; it's like a movie car accident. The waiting period is the period of time in which the person in the car sees the other car coming straight at them but can't do anything about it. I'd rather just get hit, heal, re-cooperate, and get over it - not sit here stareing at the car.
I want to hang out with my friends and enjoy summer. Not sit at home alone and start thinking about all this stuff that gets me down.
++UPDATE++
It's now 2:54 and things are back to normal. I ended up talking to a girl that just graduated from RIT and some of the guys that will be in my class. One of them is like a male version of myself, so I'm excited now. I also ended up dancing and cleaning around the house which I've put off until today. Life is good once again.