(no subject)
I cried. From when I turned the key, the entire drive home - until my eyes became so exhausted they collasped. Being there, hearing them laughing, then him patting her shoulder saying "I love you" was the last and final pebble that cracked the dam in a long chain of pebbles this weekend. It's not that it's anything new. He's said it to other people before - as have I, but at that moment, at that time, in that place... I just couldn't take it.
This whole weekend I've felt completely out of place around all my friends. The best way to describe it: you're around people you know and love, they're talking and laughing - but for some reason you either don't understand/know what they're talking about or you can't think of anything to say. It's like I've completely lost all confidence in myself. Either I'm afraid to say anything or I just don't feel like being there at all.
I waited all Saturday for Megan to call so we could hang out. She never did. So I asked Christine to go JoAnn's Fabrics with me - and the entire time all she did was make fun of me. All Friday it was mostly people just constantly making fun of one another to the point that, for me, it just wasn't funny. I thought maybe I'd feel more comfurtable with my gamer friends, but I ended up the same way - except instead of being made fun of I just got yelled at a lot.
I've never wanted so badly to feel confident and comfurtable around another human being in my life.
This whole weekend I've felt completely out of place around all my friends. The best way to describe it: you're around people you know and love, they're talking and laughing - but for some reason you either don't understand/know what they're talking about or you can't think of anything to say. It's like I've completely lost all confidence in myself. Either I'm afraid to say anything or I just don't feel like being there at all.
I waited all Saturday for Megan to call so we could hang out. She never did. So I asked Christine to go JoAnn's Fabrics with me - and the entire time all she did was make fun of me. All Friday it was mostly people just constantly making fun of one another to the point that, for me, it just wasn't funny. I thought maybe I'd feel more comfurtable with my gamer friends, but I ended up the same way - except instead of being made fun of I just got yelled at a lot.
I've never wanted so badly to feel confident and comfurtable around another human being in my life.