why am i always wrong in everything i do
I was going to send this to someone, but I couldn't. If anyone thinks I'm just a bitch or I'm wrong let me know. I'm tired of always feeling like shit, thinking I'm not a good person. Or if you think otherwise let me know and maybe I'll pull my head out of the toilet and stop trying to drown myself (no, I'm not suicidal).
i cant leave something alone when it bothers me, i keep trying to fix it until im sure it cant be fixed... this is eating me up and i cant fucking sleep. i shouldnt have blown up at you, but it was pissing me off that you were implying i was going to disappear or something because i hadnt said something yet. i wouldnt disappear, but im taking it that you are planning to and thats tough. i dont know if i should just raise the white flag and call it all. the emotional pain of this is almost too much. and when you were just going to throw me away the first time after i told you honestly about something it ate me up then. it hurts and i feel like i keep crying more than smiling trying to make this work. i like a lot of what you are, but i dont know if i could handle a roller coaster ride like you and i dont think you really like me, because i dont think youd keep making me feel like shit over things like this. im torn inside because i know that anything i could say would mean nothing to you right now and that hurts so much. so basically what im trying to say, basically what im trying to ask is if your just fucking with me, just prolonging what youve already planned to do (disappear). id rather you let me know so i can feel the full brand of hurt and try to collect myself to move on. the thing i hate most about relationships is when one person already knows what they want to do, but they dont do anything about it, they just leave the other person on strings like a puppet waiting for what part they're going to play. like i said i know you dont care about anything i have to say right now, its pretty clear you think very little of me... but i had to ask for my peace of my mind and say what was laying heavy. i cant keep hurting like this, this once a week heartbreak is tearing me apart and eating me up. i really want to try and make this work, but i dont know if you're even serious anymore or if you're just looking for excuses to leave me battered and bruised, because thats the second time youve made me feel like shit and cry already. you used to seem like the guy who was tired of being hurt, i wish you could know how much youve been the guy that hurts lately. i can guarantee i wont get any sleep tonight no matter how hard i try. it's almost 3 and ill be waiting up until either you're okay or theres another thing ill have to try and cope with.
i cant leave something alone when it bothers me, i keep trying to fix it until im sure it cant be fixed... this is eating me up and i cant fucking sleep. i shouldnt have blown up at you, but it was pissing me off that you were implying i was going to disappear or something because i hadnt said something yet. i wouldnt disappear, but im taking it that you are planning to and thats tough. i dont know if i should just raise the white flag and call it all. the emotional pain of this is almost too much. and when you were just going to throw me away the first time after i told you honestly about something it ate me up then. it hurts and i feel like i keep crying more than smiling trying to make this work. i like a lot of what you are, but i dont know if i could handle a roller coaster ride like you and i dont think you really like me, because i dont think youd keep making me feel like shit over things like this. im torn inside because i know that anything i could say would mean nothing to you right now and that hurts so much. so basically what im trying to say, basically what im trying to ask is if your just fucking with me, just prolonging what youve already planned to do (disappear). id rather you let me know so i can feel the full brand of hurt and try to collect myself to move on. the thing i hate most about relationships is when one person already knows what they want to do, but they dont do anything about it, they just leave the other person on strings like a puppet waiting for what part they're going to play. like i said i know you dont care about anything i have to say right now, its pretty clear you think very little of me... but i had to ask for my peace of my mind and say what was laying heavy. i cant keep hurting like this, this once a week heartbreak is tearing me apart and eating me up. i really want to try and make this work, but i dont know if you're even serious anymore or if you're just looking for excuses to leave me battered and bruised, because thats the second time youve made me feel like shit and cry already. you used to seem like the guy who was tired of being hurt, i wish you could know how much youve been the guy that hurts lately. i can guarantee i wont get any sleep tonight no matter how hard i try. it's almost 3 and ill be waiting up until either you're okay or theres another thing ill have to try and cope with.