Malaise & melancholy & nothing in particular is wrong
Well, my generally blah feeling continues.
As an overly analytical person I feel a pressure to try to pinpoint the cause, and since I seem to be unable to do that, I start to worry that my whole life is somehow wrong.
I don't think my life is somehow wrong, but what on earth is it that is making me feel so meh?
As odd as it is, I think the sudden void created when my course at UBC finished is a part of it. I now have two newly free evenings and Saturday afternoons open and nothing in particular to fill them in with. It has also highlighted how lame I can be relationship-wise in that I sit around hoping Daniel will phone to do something, despite the fact I know he's busy with other things. I hate it when women do that so now to find I'm doing it, I feel just disgusted with myself.
Work continues to be generally unfulfilling. I had my performance evaluation on Tuesday and was told that "the world is my oyster" and that I "can go as far as [my] desire takes [me]" and yet nothing has particularly changed. I said flat out in my evaluation that I'm bored, feel like I haven't used my brain in months and need to be challenged more... I suppose it would be unfair to expect anything would be different after four days, but, really I'm so bored that I'm totally on the verge of looking for something else work-wise.
I keep trying to convince myself that there is no reason to fret. I keep trying to see the positives of all sorts of extra time on my hands and a decent paying job that is easy for me. I try to allow myself time to adjust to being suddenly under-booked and be equally understanding of the time I need to make the adjustments a long term relationship requires after having not been in one for, uh, well, let's just say years. And all that is good logically and mentally. Makes sense, sounds right. But I still feel heavy and plodding. I still feel bored and uncertain.
Hmm... wow, I haven't been quite this whiny in ages. Good thing it's the weekend.
As an overly analytical person I feel a pressure to try to pinpoint the cause, and since I seem to be unable to do that, I start to worry that my whole life is somehow wrong.
I don't think my life is somehow wrong, but what on earth is it that is making me feel so meh?
As odd as it is, I think the sudden void created when my course at UBC finished is a part of it. I now have two newly free evenings and Saturday afternoons open and nothing in particular to fill them in with. It has also highlighted how lame I can be relationship-wise in that I sit around hoping Daniel will phone to do something, despite the fact I know he's busy with other things. I hate it when women do that so now to find I'm doing it, I feel just disgusted with myself.
Work continues to be generally unfulfilling. I had my performance evaluation on Tuesday and was told that "the world is my oyster" and that I "can go as far as [my] desire takes [me]" and yet nothing has particularly changed. I said flat out in my evaluation that I'm bored, feel like I haven't used my brain in months and need to be challenged more... I suppose it would be unfair to expect anything would be different after four days, but, really I'm so bored that I'm totally on the verge of looking for something else work-wise.
I keep trying to convince myself that there is no reason to fret. I keep trying to see the positives of all sorts of extra time on my hands and a decent paying job that is easy for me. I try to allow myself time to adjust to being suddenly under-booked and be equally understanding of the time I need to make the adjustments a long term relationship requires after having not been in one for, uh, well, let's just say years. And all that is good logically and mentally. Makes sense, sounds right. But I still feel heavy and plodding. I still feel bored and uncertain.
Hmm... wow, I haven't been quite this whiny in ages. Good thing it's the weekend.