Takin' It Back
If you assumed I was dead, you were once again wrong. Sorry. It happens.
Friends and meatsicles, it has been exactly one year since the epic post I like to call " Tropical Love." And I don't care who you are, that shit was funny. If you did not once grin, then your humor probably has a stick up its ass, which also happens. My three favorites:
Islam: Maybe the West would understand you better if you sat down to talk with us instead of screaming a few words while exploding (low blow!). And maybe explain the 72 virgins thing. An eternity of awkward sex just doesn't sound very appealing. How about 72 well-trained prostitutes with certificates of clean health? That's the Western idea of a good time.
The Bible: Don't carry it around 24/7. All the time. And to school. It's WEIRD. It'll be the same Bible when you get home. It's been almost two thousand years, I swear they're not gonna start changing it now.
Abortion: Ask yourself this: why don't you support abortion? In an overcrowded and problematic world like ours, why do we want to bring in more strains on the system? You who don't support abortion: what are we supposed to do with all these damn babies? Shove them up our asses? And don't start with the "How would you feel if you'd been aborted?" crap. It's a stupid question. I obviously wouldn't feel anything at all.
Ah, good times.
Of course, times have changed. I'm not here to lay the hate on with a trowel, to butter up a round of Tropical Love 2 (Temperate Love, anyone?). Would I say my opinion on Valentine's Day has changed? Not really. Would I say I have a Valentine this year? Maybe. I would certainly say that eighteen years of habit are hard to break, and I've spent the day dressed in an abundance of skulls and crossbones. But my headphones are a bright candy red, and I've spent the day oscillating between amused and furious (though the latter is entirely due to some bullshit readings I have to do for my once-weekly night class); it has, all in all, been a good Valentine's Day (except for the bullshit reading (but I'm not even going to get started on that (look, just imagine if I wrote a piece of academic literature at 3 AM after three Red Bulls, a midterm, and two nights without sleep, translated it into French, and then translated it back into English, possibly using BabelFish. THAT is the kind of bullshit reading I'm talking about))).
Life is gewd, but my nail polish is chipping. Happy Valentine's Day.
Singles
People who loudly lament being single, who put things like "I'M SINGLE! and looking to fix this" (like being single is a broken deformity) are too stupid to realize why they're single. Why? Because you're stupid ugly she-mans who whine all the time about being single. For my part, I think I'm single due to livejournals like this.
Couples
Stop PDAing you nasty whores because you're always in my goddamn way.
Friends and meatsicles, it has been exactly one year since the epic post I like to call " Tropical Love." And I don't care who you are, that shit was funny. If you did not once grin, then your humor probably has a stick up its ass, which also happens. My three favorites:
Islam: Maybe the West would understand you better if you sat down to talk with us instead of screaming a few words while exploding (low blow!). And maybe explain the 72 virgins thing. An eternity of awkward sex just doesn't sound very appealing. How about 72 well-trained prostitutes with certificates of clean health? That's the Western idea of a good time.
The Bible: Don't carry it around 24/7. All the time. And to school. It's WEIRD. It'll be the same Bible when you get home. It's been almost two thousand years, I swear they're not gonna start changing it now.
Abortion: Ask yourself this: why don't you support abortion? In an overcrowded and problematic world like ours, why do we want to bring in more strains on the system? You who don't support abortion: what are we supposed to do with all these damn babies? Shove them up our asses? And don't start with the "How would you feel if you'd been aborted?" crap. It's a stupid question. I obviously wouldn't feel anything at all.
Ah, good times.
Of course, times have changed. I'm not here to lay the hate on with a trowel, to butter up a round of Tropical Love 2 (Temperate Love, anyone?). Would I say my opinion on Valentine's Day has changed? Not really. Would I say I have a Valentine this year? Maybe. I would certainly say that eighteen years of habit are hard to break, and I've spent the day dressed in an abundance of skulls and crossbones. But my headphones are a bright candy red, and I've spent the day oscillating between amused and furious (though the latter is entirely due to some bullshit readings I have to do for my once-weekly night class); it has, all in all, been a good Valentine's Day (except for the bullshit reading (but I'm not even going to get started on that (look, just imagine if I wrote a piece of academic literature at 3 AM after three Red Bulls, a midterm, and two nights without sleep, translated it into French, and then translated it back into English, possibly using BabelFish. THAT is the kind of bullshit reading I'm talking about))).
Life is gewd, but my nail polish is chipping. Happy Valentine's Day.
Singles
People who loudly lament being single, who put things like "I'M SINGLE! and looking to fix this" (like being single is a broken deformity) are too stupid to realize why they're single. Why? Because you're stupid ugly she-mans who whine all the time about being single. For my part, I think I'm single due to livejournals like this.
Couples
Stop PDAing you nasty whores because you're always in my goddamn way.