(no subject)
i don't like being so angry all the time, and i really don't know why i am. i hate the tension that there is this house, but i often ask myself; is it me? am i the one inventing the tension? because i'm so angry all the time? i look for reasons, excuses maybe, as to why there's so much tension.
susan. she is pathetic. and selfish. and attention seeking. and sickly sweet. and well i talk about her enough.
dad. he's not a bad person. but he annoys the hell out of me. i mean, all he talks about to me is problems. problems with money, problems with bills, with mum, with susan. i don't care. well i do, but i don't want to hear about it you know? i'm 17 and he treats me like the adult of the house. but i'm not. i know he misses mum and needs to have adult conversations, but he has marge. i don't want them.
i keep wishing it will change. that i'll come home and susan will have realised that she acts like an 8 year old. she'll come in and be nice, not a pathetic bitch. dad will come in and be in a good mood. he'll treat me like a 17 year old instead of a 40 year old or a 10 year old. there won't be any arguments. we'll have something different, something nice for tea. and i'll go to bed, happy about waking up, not dreading it.
but i think about it, and i read stuff like that back, and i see a tv programme or someone with problems worse than mine, and i feel stupid. and my problems look pathetic. i have a dad who loves me, a big sister who i adore, and a little sister who adores me.
it's just so hard to see it like that, what with the way they are. marge is never here, so i miss her constantly.
i miss mum. i know i do now. we were happy when she was here. even though i knew she was lying, she was still here. and dad and susan were happy. i'm not saying i want her back. i don't really know what i'd do or how i'd react if she did come back. but oh i don't know. i don't forgive her. and i hate the way she's taking dad for every penny she can, but when i'm with her, i can't shutup, i just talk and talk and talk and i don't like getting out of her car and her driving away. i miss her. i really do. things were just better. and more simpler when she was here. like she had an answer for everything. and things weren't that bad after all.
i just want to be happier you know? i mean, i know not everyones happy all the time. but just a little more care-free. i wish i didn't think about the future so much. i wish i could see how lucky i am to have what i have instead of being angry at what i don't have.
susan. she is pathetic. and selfish. and attention seeking. and sickly sweet. and well i talk about her enough.
dad. he's not a bad person. but he annoys the hell out of me. i mean, all he talks about to me is problems. problems with money, problems with bills, with mum, with susan. i don't care. well i do, but i don't want to hear about it you know? i'm 17 and he treats me like the adult of the house. but i'm not. i know he misses mum and needs to have adult conversations, but he has marge. i don't want them.
i keep wishing it will change. that i'll come home and susan will have realised that she acts like an 8 year old. she'll come in and be nice, not a pathetic bitch. dad will come in and be in a good mood. he'll treat me like a 17 year old instead of a 40 year old or a 10 year old. there won't be any arguments. we'll have something different, something nice for tea. and i'll go to bed, happy about waking up, not dreading it.
but i think about it, and i read stuff like that back, and i see a tv programme or someone with problems worse than mine, and i feel stupid. and my problems look pathetic. i have a dad who loves me, a big sister who i adore, and a little sister who adores me.
it's just so hard to see it like that, what with the way they are. marge is never here, so i miss her constantly.
i miss mum. i know i do now. we were happy when she was here. even though i knew she was lying, she was still here. and dad and susan were happy. i'm not saying i want her back. i don't really know what i'd do or how i'd react if she did come back. but oh i don't know. i don't forgive her. and i hate the way she's taking dad for every penny she can, but when i'm with her, i can't shutup, i just talk and talk and talk and i don't like getting out of her car and her driving away. i miss her. i really do. things were just better. and more simpler when she was here. like she had an answer for everything. and things weren't that bad after all.
i just want to be happier you know? i mean, i know not everyones happy all the time. but just a little more care-free. i wish i didn't think about the future so much. i wish i could see how lucky i am to have what i have instead of being angry at what i don't have.