PLEASE TAKE TIME TO READ THIS FIC
The fic is written by gooferdusty as a reaction on all the Genevieve bashing there have been on the internet lately.
It is an amazing read and I asked her permission to post it in my lj for my flist to read.
I promised her no bashing and flames so behave nicely and enjoy the read;)
Title: The reason i do this.
Author: gooferdusty
Pairing/ Characters: Jared and Jensen. My first and possibly only rps.
Genre Het
Rating: PG
Warnings: None apart from some use of the f word..
Disclaimer: Not making a penny profit, don't own the boys, no hurt intended, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Summary: Jared always tries to be gracious and generous with his fans. Some days it's hard today is one of those days.
A/N: Ok so i'm totally blaming this on one of my f-listers who shall remain anonymous. We were chatting the other night about the upcoming episode of SPN that will see Sam and Dean transported into a reality where they are actors called Jared and Jensen. And if the rumours are true Genevieve will be returning to the show to play jared's wife. I'm sure by now we all know about it. So of course we sat back and waited for the inevitible backlash to begin and we wern't disappointed. It's one thing to say you don't like her ability as an actress that's a matter of individual taste and opinion. But attacking her personally is another thing entirely, one i think is out of order. Anyway i said to my friend i feel like writing a lengthy comment on my journal about how i feel about this and J2 wife bashing in general. She came back with "why don't you write a comment fic style" And hey presto the idea stuck. This is what was born of that conversation. It's probably terrible, undoubtly badly written, but then i've never written a comment masquerading as a fic before. It was a lot harder then i thought it would be. I never thought there would come a day when i woud write rps, let alone het rps just goes to show you never can tell!
“Cut lets go again!” The director shouts across the set.
It’s the tenth time in as many minutes the director has called cut. Jared is lying on the small cot in Bobby’s panic room, Sam having just had his soul returned. Jensen is waiting off camera. He isn’t due in the scene until Sam has finished his chat with death, only Jared keeps blowing the scene. Fluffing his lines, missing his cues, and generally screwing up the scene every way possible and some Jensen didn’t think were.
“Look guys.” The director says trying to hide his frustration. “Why don’t we break for lunch?”
Jensen looks at his watch, it’s barely eleven am. It’s obvious the director is trying to give Jared some time to get his head together without trying to apportion blame in front of the crew. The director walks over and says something quietly to Jared. Jensen is too far away to make out what’s been said, but judging by the dejected look on his friends face it’s nothing good.
“What’s up with Jared?” Mark the assistant lighting director asks as he walks up to Jensen. Jensen doesn’t reply, just looks blankly at Mark and shrugs his shoulders. Partly because even if he did know what was up with Jared there’s no way he would say anything, but mostly because he’s wondering the exact same thing. They had rehearsed the scene last night with Jensen taking the part of death and had run through it another couple of times again this morning just for good measure. Jensen knew Jared had the scene nailed. Hell he had knocked it out of the park in morning rehearsal then Jared had gone to wait in his trailer until make up was ready for him and.....and what?
Whatever had happened in the hour between rehearsal and Jared’s call to make up it had affected him badly that was for sure. In all the years he had known Jared Jensen had never seen him so distracted. Sure, they joked around on set all the time. It was a release valve, a way of having a little fun amidst the hectic shooting schedule and long hours. But once the laughs had died down Jared would ground himself ‘find Sam’ and get the job done. Jared was so similar to himself in that respect, it was one of the reasons they worked so well together.
Jensen was made aware of the fact that Mark was still talking when his hand clapped Jensen on the shoulder. He was laughing and saying something about needing to get to the craft tent before Jared eyed the fried chicken and walked away swiftly. At the mention of Jared’s name Jensen looked around, sighing when he didn’t spot his friend anywhere. Since when did Jared leave for lunch without even speaking to him? Oh yeah something was definitely wrong.
After checking the craft tent and seeing it complete with an abundance of fried chicken and missing one Sasquatch Jensen made his way over to Jared’s trailer knocking on the door loudly. When Jared finally opened the door Jensen was shocked at his friend’s appearance. The younger man was shaking, tension thrumming off him in waves. His face was flushed red and sweaty, causing the make up he was wearing to run down his face in creamy pastel streaks. But it was his eyes that caught Jensen’s attention. Jared’s eyes were flashing blue through hazel and back again. The look they held was one of hurt and anger, sadness and something else Jensen couldn’t quite put his finger on, resignation? defeat maybe?
“You ok?” Jensen asked, following Jared into the trailer when he didn’t receive a reply. Jensen gasped. The scene inside his friend’s trailer was one of utter devastation. Papers were strewn everywhere. The table was upside down minus one leg and Jared’s laptop lay in several pieces beneath a suspiciously laptop shaped dent in the wall.
“Jay?” Jensen asked worriedly. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”
“What would you like to talk about Jensen? The weather? Sports?” Jared replied eyeing Jensen icily. “Oh i know.” Jared spat. “Let’s talk about what a shit actor i am and how my wife is the biggest bitch on the planet shall we.”
“I’d like to talk about why my best friend has smashed up his trailer.” Jensen said righting a chair and sitting on it. “And the stuff about you being a crap actor and Genevieve being a bitch... what the hell man?”
Gathering a few of the papers from the floor Jared crossed to where the older man was sitting and shoved the crinkled wad in Jensen’s hand before moving to sit on the edge of the couch. Jensen read the first letter his eyes widening in shock. The words on the page were so full of bile and hatred that they literally left Jensen aghast. Most of the vile words were directed at Jared’s wife. The comments were so offensive and hurtful that Jensen had a hard time equating them to the sweet girl Jared had married. Although most of the abuse was directed at Genevieve, Jared himself didn’t escape the vitriol. Jared apparently was guilty of many crimes. His generous caring nature was just for show, he couldn’t act, he was a diva on set, and so on. The hateful barbs flowing, line after hurtful line. Jared’s biggest sin however was to have the temerity fall in love with and marry Genevieve.
Jensen screwed up the papers and threw them angrily across the trailer. “Where did you get these Jay?”
Jared’s bitter hollow laugh rang loud in the enclosed space. “Fan mail. It’s fan mail Jen, can you believe it!”
Jensen sighed. “Jay, you ca......” Whatever he was about to say cut off as Jared spoke over him.
“I work my ass off Jen." Jared sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I see my family maybe twice a year if i’m lucky. I never see any of my friends from back home. I hardly ever get to spend any quality time with my wife. Hell, i don’t have to tell you, you know how it is. I want the show to be as good as it can be, to be something i can look back on with pride but right now i don’t know why i even fucking bother. If Evie and i didn’t need the money i’d pull out, to hell with breach of contract.”
Jensen looked up at Jared from where he was sitting; a shocked expression on the older mans face. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t i?” Jared hissed, bending to pick up a handful of letters brandishing them at his friend. “You’ve seen what’s in these, and trust me there’s plenty more where they came from.” Jared lifted his arm and gestured towards the shattered laptop. “Believe me this stuff is tame compared to what’s on the internet.” Jared rubbed his face wearily; leaning forward, elbows on his knees his face resting in his hands.
Jensen’s knees protested, cracking loudly as he got to his feet crossing the trailer to take a seat alongside Jared on the couch.
“We work so hard to make this show something the fans can be proud of and look what they say in return. What’s the point Jen? Just tell me, what’s the fucking point?” Jared’s voice is rough, emotion cloying at his throat painfully. “Jen the things they say about Evie, they’re so full of hate. I don’t want my wife exposed to that. Why should she suffer just because she’s married to me? It’s not fair Jen.” Jensen can’t see Jared behind the wall of chestnut waves that are obscuring the younger man’s face, but Jensen can tell by the shake in Jared’s voice and the tremor in his shoulders that his friend is crying. “I love her so much Jen. She’s funny and warm and so beautiful. Why can’t they see her like i do? Understand what she means to me? Why can't they just be happy for us? If they think so little of me tell me Jen, why am i doing this?”
A tell tale sniffle works its way out from under Jared’s mass of hair. Jensen sighs wrapping an arm around his friend's shoulders and pulling Jared into him. Jensen wants to offer an explanation, wants to find the right words to comfort his best friend but he can’t. The truth is he doesn’t understand the mindset of the people who have written these hurtful things anymore than his friend does. Jensen gets that the character Genevieve played on the show was disliked by the fans, blaming her for coming between Sam and Dean. But that’s the show, it isn’t reality. Genevieve isn’t Ruby and she isn’t coming between his and Jared’s friendship. Jensen wonders if some fans have problems separating fact from fiction.
Jensen is sitting quietly; his hand resting soothingly on Jared’s back allowing his friend the time he needs to gather his emotions when he sees it. Taking up pride of place on the wall opposite is a collage of pictures and letters from Jared’s fans. There is a beautiful painting of Jared’s dogs. It’s stunning, so life like, the attention to detail breathtaking. The love and care it took to create it evident in every brushstroke. Jensen smiles; he remembers how amazed Jared had been when he received the gift, unbelieving that someone would take the time to do something like that for him. There are several photos of babies, all named after Jared or Sam, Sammy if they’re girls. There’s a photocopy of a check for $3000 that a fan paid for one of Jared’s watches in an auction last year. All proceeds going to his mom’s school charity. Off to one side in the collage there is a photograph and a letter. They are kept separate from the other items in the collage, an inch wide border around them. The photograph shows a young girl of twelve. She is smiling brightly from a hospital bed, a shocking pink wig on her head. Her name is Amy. The letter is written by Amy’s mother, although she informs Jared that the pink glittery stickers are Amy’s work! The letter tells Jared what a shining light Amy is, how she is the bright spark in any room. How even when the chemotherapy is rough she bares her illness with dignity. With a bravery beyond her years. It tells Jared how much Amy loves the show, how Sam is her favourite character. How watching the show together is a light on the dark days. A distraction from sickness and cell counts. It explains how Amy is determined to beat the disease ravaging her young body so she can see how Dean escapes hell. In the end Dean had been saved by an angel. Amy wasn’t so lucky.
“Jay.” Jensen says softly, giving Jared his dignity and ignoring his friend’s swollen eyes, red from the tears that have fallen. “I don’t have all the answers Jay.” Jensen sighs. “But i do know one thing.” He says smiling. Jensen turns his head and nods to the collage on the wall, Jared’s gaze following. “That Jared.” Jensen says pointing to the collage. “That is why you do this. For them and all the others like them. The rest don’t matter.”
Jared studies the collage he’s been steadily adding things to since his Gilmore days. He knows there’s one just like it in his momma’s kitchen, because whenever he adds something to it he always sends a copy of it to her. Turning from the collage Jared wraps his arms around his friend in a tight hug. He understands what Jensen is trying to tell him, grateful not for the first time that his friend is here when he needs him. There will always be people who will say and do hurtful things for reasons best known to themselves. Jared figures he’ll never know why. But in the long run it doesn’t really matter as long as he holds onto the things he does know.
One, he’s married to the most amazing woman, and he thanks god everyday he got that lucky.
Two, he has the best friend a man could ever ask for in Jensen.
And three, he has some of the most kind and thoughtful fans there are. And just like his best friend says the rest don’t matter.
The End.
It is an amazing read and I asked her permission to post it in my lj for my flist to read.
I promised her no bashing and flames so behave nicely and enjoy the read;)
Title: The reason i do this.
Author: gooferdusty
Pairing/ Characters: Jared and Jensen. My first and possibly only rps.
Genre Het
Rating: PG
Warnings: None apart from some use of the f word..
Disclaimer: Not making a penny profit, don't own the boys, no hurt intended, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Summary: Jared always tries to be gracious and generous with his fans. Some days it's hard today is one of those days.
A/N: Ok so i'm totally blaming this on one of my f-listers who shall remain anonymous. We were chatting the other night about the upcoming episode of SPN that will see Sam and Dean transported into a reality where they are actors called Jared and Jensen. And if the rumours are true Genevieve will be returning to the show to play jared's wife. I'm sure by now we all know about it. So of course we sat back and waited for the inevitible backlash to begin and we wern't disappointed. It's one thing to say you don't like her ability as an actress that's a matter of individual taste and opinion. But attacking her personally is another thing entirely, one i think is out of order. Anyway i said to my friend i feel like writing a lengthy comment on my journal about how i feel about this and J2 wife bashing in general. She came back with "why don't you write a comment fic style" And hey presto the idea stuck. This is what was born of that conversation. It's probably terrible, undoubtly badly written, but then i've never written a comment masquerading as a fic before. It was a lot harder then i thought it would be. I never thought there would come a day when i woud write rps, let alone het rps just goes to show you never can tell!
“Cut lets go again!” The director shouts across the set.
It’s the tenth time in as many minutes the director has called cut. Jared is lying on the small cot in Bobby’s panic room, Sam having just had his soul returned. Jensen is waiting off camera. He isn’t due in the scene until Sam has finished his chat with death, only Jared keeps blowing the scene. Fluffing his lines, missing his cues, and generally screwing up the scene every way possible and some Jensen didn’t think were.
“Look guys.” The director says trying to hide his frustration. “Why don’t we break for lunch?”
Jensen looks at his watch, it’s barely eleven am. It’s obvious the director is trying to give Jared some time to get his head together without trying to apportion blame in front of the crew. The director walks over and says something quietly to Jared. Jensen is too far away to make out what’s been said, but judging by the dejected look on his friends face it’s nothing good.
“What’s up with Jared?” Mark the assistant lighting director asks as he walks up to Jensen. Jensen doesn’t reply, just looks blankly at Mark and shrugs his shoulders. Partly because even if he did know what was up with Jared there’s no way he would say anything, but mostly because he’s wondering the exact same thing. They had rehearsed the scene last night with Jensen taking the part of death and had run through it another couple of times again this morning just for good measure. Jensen knew Jared had the scene nailed. Hell he had knocked it out of the park in morning rehearsal then Jared had gone to wait in his trailer until make up was ready for him and.....and what?
Whatever had happened in the hour between rehearsal and Jared’s call to make up it had affected him badly that was for sure. In all the years he had known Jared Jensen had never seen him so distracted. Sure, they joked around on set all the time. It was a release valve, a way of having a little fun amidst the hectic shooting schedule and long hours. But once the laughs had died down Jared would ground himself ‘find Sam’ and get the job done. Jared was so similar to himself in that respect, it was one of the reasons they worked so well together.
Jensen was made aware of the fact that Mark was still talking when his hand clapped Jensen on the shoulder. He was laughing and saying something about needing to get to the craft tent before Jared eyed the fried chicken and walked away swiftly. At the mention of Jared’s name Jensen looked around, sighing when he didn’t spot his friend anywhere. Since when did Jared leave for lunch without even speaking to him? Oh yeah something was definitely wrong.
After checking the craft tent and seeing it complete with an abundance of fried chicken and missing one Sasquatch Jensen made his way over to Jared’s trailer knocking on the door loudly. When Jared finally opened the door Jensen was shocked at his friend’s appearance. The younger man was shaking, tension thrumming off him in waves. His face was flushed red and sweaty, causing the make up he was wearing to run down his face in creamy pastel streaks. But it was his eyes that caught Jensen’s attention. Jared’s eyes were flashing blue through hazel and back again. The look they held was one of hurt and anger, sadness and something else Jensen couldn’t quite put his finger on, resignation? defeat maybe?
“You ok?” Jensen asked, following Jared into the trailer when he didn’t receive a reply. Jensen gasped. The scene inside his friend’s trailer was one of utter devastation. Papers were strewn everywhere. The table was upside down minus one leg and Jared’s laptop lay in several pieces beneath a suspiciously laptop shaped dent in the wall.
“Jay?” Jensen asked worriedly. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”
“What would you like to talk about Jensen? The weather? Sports?” Jared replied eyeing Jensen icily. “Oh i know.” Jared spat. “Let’s talk about what a shit actor i am and how my wife is the biggest bitch on the planet shall we.”
“I’d like to talk about why my best friend has smashed up his trailer.” Jensen said righting a chair and sitting on it. “And the stuff about you being a crap actor and Genevieve being a bitch... what the hell man?”
Gathering a few of the papers from the floor Jared crossed to where the older man was sitting and shoved the crinkled wad in Jensen’s hand before moving to sit on the edge of the couch. Jensen read the first letter his eyes widening in shock. The words on the page were so full of bile and hatred that they literally left Jensen aghast. Most of the vile words were directed at Jared’s wife. The comments were so offensive and hurtful that Jensen had a hard time equating them to the sweet girl Jared had married. Although most of the abuse was directed at Genevieve, Jared himself didn’t escape the vitriol. Jared apparently was guilty of many crimes. His generous caring nature was just for show, he couldn’t act, he was a diva on set, and so on. The hateful barbs flowing, line after hurtful line. Jared’s biggest sin however was to have the temerity fall in love with and marry Genevieve.
Jensen screwed up the papers and threw them angrily across the trailer. “Where did you get these Jay?”
Jared’s bitter hollow laugh rang loud in the enclosed space. “Fan mail. It’s fan mail Jen, can you believe it!”
Jensen sighed. “Jay, you ca......” Whatever he was about to say cut off as Jared spoke over him.
“I work my ass off Jen." Jared sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I see my family maybe twice a year if i’m lucky. I never see any of my friends from back home. I hardly ever get to spend any quality time with my wife. Hell, i don’t have to tell you, you know how it is. I want the show to be as good as it can be, to be something i can look back on with pride but right now i don’t know why i even fucking bother. If Evie and i didn’t need the money i’d pull out, to hell with breach of contract.”
Jensen looked up at Jared from where he was sitting; a shocked expression on the older mans face. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t i?” Jared hissed, bending to pick up a handful of letters brandishing them at his friend. “You’ve seen what’s in these, and trust me there’s plenty more where they came from.” Jared lifted his arm and gestured towards the shattered laptop. “Believe me this stuff is tame compared to what’s on the internet.” Jared rubbed his face wearily; leaning forward, elbows on his knees his face resting in his hands.
Jensen’s knees protested, cracking loudly as he got to his feet crossing the trailer to take a seat alongside Jared on the couch.
“We work so hard to make this show something the fans can be proud of and look what they say in return. What’s the point Jen? Just tell me, what’s the fucking point?” Jared’s voice is rough, emotion cloying at his throat painfully. “Jen the things they say about Evie, they’re so full of hate. I don’t want my wife exposed to that. Why should she suffer just because she’s married to me? It’s not fair Jen.” Jensen can’t see Jared behind the wall of chestnut waves that are obscuring the younger man’s face, but Jensen can tell by the shake in Jared’s voice and the tremor in his shoulders that his friend is crying. “I love her so much Jen. She’s funny and warm and so beautiful. Why can’t they see her like i do? Understand what she means to me? Why can't they just be happy for us? If they think so little of me tell me Jen, why am i doing this?”
A tell tale sniffle works its way out from under Jared’s mass of hair. Jensen sighs wrapping an arm around his friend's shoulders and pulling Jared into him. Jensen wants to offer an explanation, wants to find the right words to comfort his best friend but he can’t. The truth is he doesn’t understand the mindset of the people who have written these hurtful things anymore than his friend does. Jensen gets that the character Genevieve played on the show was disliked by the fans, blaming her for coming between Sam and Dean. But that’s the show, it isn’t reality. Genevieve isn’t Ruby and she isn’t coming between his and Jared’s friendship. Jensen wonders if some fans have problems separating fact from fiction.
Jensen is sitting quietly; his hand resting soothingly on Jared’s back allowing his friend the time he needs to gather his emotions when he sees it. Taking up pride of place on the wall opposite is a collage of pictures and letters from Jared’s fans. There is a beautiful painting of Jared’s dogs. It’s stunning, so life like, the attention to detail breathtaking. The love and care it took to create it evident in every brushstroke. Jensen smiles; he remembers how amazed Jared had been when he received the gift, unbelieving that someone would take the time to do something like that for him. There are several photos of babies, all named after Jared or Sam, Sammy if they’re girls. There’s a photocopy of a check for $3000 that a fan paid for one of Jared’s watches in an auction last year. All proceeds going to his mom’s school charity. Off to one side in the collage there is a photograph and a letter. They are kept separate from the other items in the collage, an inch wide border around them. The photograph shows a young girl of twelve. She is smiling brightly from a hospital bed, a shocking pink wig on her head. Her name is Amy. The letter is written by Amy’s mother, although she informs Jared that the pink glittery stickers are Amy’s work! The letter tells Jared what a shining light Amy is, how she is the bright spark in any room. How even when the chemotherapy is rough she bares her illness with dignity. With a bravery beyond her years. It tells Jared how much Amy loves the show, how Sam is her favourite character. How watching the show together is a light on the dark days. A distraction from sickness and cell counts. It explains how Amy is determined to beat the disease ravaging her young body so she can see how Dean escapes hell. In the end Dean had been saved by an angel. Amy wasn’t so lucky.
“Jay.” Jensen says softly, giving Jared his dignity and ignoring his friend’s swollen eyes, red from the tears that have fallen. “I don’t have all the answers Jay.” Jensen sighs. “But i do know one thing.” He says smiling. Jensen turns his head and nods to the collage on the wall, Jared’s gaze following. “That Jared.” Jensen says pointing to the collage. “That is why you do this. For them and all the others like them. The rest don’t matter.”
Jared studies the collage he’s been steadily adding things to since his Gilmore days. He knows there’s one just like it in his momma’s kitchen, because whenever he adds something to it he always sends a copy of it to her. Turning from the collage Jared wraps his arms around his friend in a tight hug. He understands what Jensen is trying to tell him, grateful not for the first time that his friend is here when he needs him. There will always be people who will say and do hurtful things for reasons best known to themselves. Jared figures he’ll never know why. But in the long run it doesn’t really matter as long as he holds onto the things he does know.
One, he’s married to the most amazing woman, and he thanks god everyday he got that lucky.
Two, he has the best friend a man could ever ask for in Jensen.
And three, he has some of the most kind and thoughtful fans there are. And just like his best friend says the rest don’t matter.
The End.