(no subject)
And after one of the shittiest weeks on record, I finally feel better... distracted. Hopeful. And call me pathetic but it's all because I just finished "Shadow of the Giant." Its amazing to find a book that can make me laugh and cry (not kidding... and very few books can make me cry) within pages of each other.
I suppose that doesn't change things though. At least 50 people are dead in London and CNN only cares if terrorists might strike in America. I'm not kidding -- a two minute spot on what's happening in London, the same footage of just outside a hospital, and a clip of Tony Blair; then its back to the NYC police guarding the subway. My personal favorite was the story "Fifty Brits dead, and two visiting Americans, sisters, were injured. One suffered minor bruises, the other two broken bones." Then clips of those two girls on vacation in Florida. What the fuck!?! People died, and all the American media cares about is Americans. They talked about nothing else for days after 9/11 and here, the worst bombing that London has seen since the blitz and they get two minutes. Two damn minutes. I guess this is American egotism's finest hour. I had to turn the crap off, I couldn't stand it.
Not that I've been up to much lately... generally pissed off with the world. A friend disappointed me, or maybe it was me who let myself get disappointed. I suppose I have views and I have to respect that other people have equally strong views. People are childish and get carried away... I do it too. I'm just not very good at being told that I'm ignorant or cowardly, particularly when I don't think I'm being either in the specific circumstance. I'll admit I'm both at other times.
Speaking of that... I suppose I screwed up again, although I can't even understand myself this time. I thought I liked him (I'm assuming anyone I want to know who "him" is, already knows). I really did. I mean, I had a stupid smile on my face for at least twenty minutes after each of our conversations. He made me laugh out loud. He made me forget about the other guys and just look at them and think "what was I smoking to be that stupid?" But I haven't talked to him in ages... and I'm ok with that. I mean, I miss talking to him, but I'm not in love with him. And its such a relief because I can honestly say I'm not in love with anyone. And its quite brilliant after two... no THREE years of being heartsick! I mean, damn. I guess its college here I come, but with no regrets.
But I suppose all that made me see that I do want someone in my life eventually. And with my uncle's death this week... getting choked up just thinking about that. Its oddly inspiring to see someone who lived such a full life. I mean, learning to ski when you're 73? On track to get your law degree the year you turn 80? With a wife who loves you and a nice house with a pool in Spain? Writing for magazines (dental, but still)? Even though he's gone I can't help but be impressed by the life he's led, even if it wasn't perfect, because he LIVED his life. Every minute of it. And that's the one thing that I'd like more than anything to do. No matter what I do in life, I want to live. And want to be alive. Course, it would help to be doing something other than opening utility bills, stamping utility bills, ordering utility bills by property, ordering utility bills by apartment numbers, finding out the names of the tenants who should have paid their damn utility bills so they wouldn't be on my desk with the three million other utility bills... I suppose it could be worse... Its a job and it pays good money.
I just hope things work out. For everyone.
Scratch that, for almost everyone. I hope a certain person who I've been contemplating stabbing with a pen, also known as the Queen of the Soon-to-be-fired-if-there's-any-justice-in-the-world, burns in HELL. And I want my books back! More on that after her crucifixion.
Long update, it started out so happy too... Hmm, I will think back to happy Shadow of the Giant moments. Oh, brilliant quote about debaters I found in the first chapter or two:
"You argue like a debater," she said. "You don't actually have to have an idea, you just have to have a seemingly clever refutation."
So true. Let that be my last word of advice to the debaters who remain!
I suppose that doesn't change things though. At least 50 people are dead in London and CNN only cares if terrorists might strike in America. I'm not kidding -- a two minute spot on what's happening in London, the same footage of just outside a hospital, and a clip of Tony Blair; then its back to the NYC police guarding the subway. My personal favorite was the story "Fifty Brits dead, and two visiting Americans, sisters, were injured. One suffered minor bruises, the other two broken bones." Then clips of those two girls on vacation in Florida. What the fuck!?! People died, and all the American media cares about is Americans. They talked about nothing else for days after 9/11 and here, the worst bombing that London has seen since the blitz and they get two minutes. Two damn minutes. I guess this is American egotism's finest hour. I had to turn the crap off, I couldn't stand it.
Not that I've been up to much lately... generally pissed off with the world. A friend disappointed me, or maybe it was me who let myself get disappointed. I suppose I have views and I have to respect that other people have equally strong views. People are childish and get carried away... I do it too. I'm just not very good at being told that I'm ignorant or cowardly, particularly when I don't think I'm being either in the specific circumstance. I'll admit I'm both at other times.
Speaking of that... I suppose I screwed up again, although I can't even understand myself this time. I thought I liked him (I'm assuming anyone I want to know who "him" is, already knows). I really did. I mean, I had a stupid smile on my face for at least twenty minutes after each of our conversations. He made me laugh out loud. He made me forget about the other guys and just look at them and think "what was I smoking to be that stupid?" But I haven't talked to him in ages... and I'm ok with that. I mean, I miss talking to him, but I'm not in love with him. And its such a relief because I can honestly say I'm not in love with anyone. And its quite brilliant after two... no THREE years of being heartsick! I mean, damn. I guess its college here I come, but with no regrets.
But I suppose all that made me see that I do want someone in my life eventually. And with my uncle's death this week... getting choked up just thinking about that. Its oddly inspiring to see someone who lived such a full life. I mean, learning to ski when you're 73? On track to get your law degree the year you turn 80? With a wife who loves you and a nice house with a pool in Spain? Writing for magazines (dental, but still)? Even though he's gone I can't help but be impressed by the life he's led, even if it wasn't perfect, because he LIVED his life. Every minute of it. And that's the one thing that I'd like more than anything to do. No matter what I do in life, I want to live. And want to be alive. Course, it would help to be doing something other than opening utility bills, stamping utility bills, ordering utility bills by property, ordering utility bills by apartment numbers, finding out the names of the tenants who should have paid their damn utility bills so they wouldn't be on my desk with the three million other utility bills... I suppose it could be worse... Its a job and it pays good money.
I just hope things work out. For everyone.
Scratch that, for almost everyone. I hope a certain person who I've been contemplating stabbing with a pen, also known as the Queen of the Soon-to-be-fired-if-there's-any-justice-in-the-world, burns in HELL. And I want my books back! More on that after her crucifixion.
Long update, it started out so happy too... Hmm, I will think back to happy Shadow of the Giant moments. Oh, brilliant quote about debaters I found in the first chapter or two:
"You argue like a debater," she said. "You don't actually have to have an idea, you just have to have a seemingly clever refutation."
So true. Let that be my last word of advice to the debaters who remain!