Shadows
Cool air and the back of my neck meet. I trust it. It is clean. Scotland holds her secrets close. The ghosts of the ancient Picts shadow me. There is a current message in their penetrating gaze haunting through masks of every shade of green. Conflicting opinions about specifics, people and situations, lacerate any peace I may have found on the drive to Kinross. My last blog entry was only the first of part two. I have attached part II below but I am not the same person as I was when it was written.
Part II Jealous
An hour later the cell rang again. I cautiously picked it up expecting Connor but wouldn't be surprised if it was Mom - that’s the kind of day its been.
"Hello"
"Hi Pip, How did you know it was me?"
"Very funny."
"Sorry, How about some fish and chips, I'm starved."
"If that’s the best you can do, I'll meet you in the lobby."
"Great, but which lobby?'
"Connor, I'm not in the mood for games!"
"Pip, I really don't know where you are staying."
Another hour and we were finally downing a beer and waiting for our meals. Connor had explained that after the rock festival I had called him from my cell and when he answered a voice quickly said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up.
I vaguely remember that, as I was dead tired, had a few too many beers, wanted to call Mom, Connor probably in the back of my head, and I accidentally called his number instead. Thinking he wouldn't know it was me, I quickly hung up. He went on to say that he waited a few days - not knowing specifically where I was - and dialed my cell. He got my number from his caller ID when I had called him accidentally. He therefore didn't know which lobby to meet me in and most importantly did not "misuse" his position and still wasn't stalking me.
He continued..."If this answers your questions satisfactorily, its now your turn."
"Okay, what are your questions?"
"Phone-o-vision? Really, Pip..."
"Connor, do you have any questions or not?"
"Yes, one big one. When we last met in Berlin your reaction to some of the things I said about your Dad clearly convinced me that you really didn't know that he might be alive. You are some actress Pip, because thanks to another phone mix up, I clearly heard you say ‘...I won’t tell Dad.’ This tells me that both you and your Mother know your Dad is alive."
I knew that was coming but I couldn't even think of a good fabrication, so I told the truth, "Look I was late for a scheduled call with my Mom - so I called her and caught her in the middle of brunch with a friend.
It was obviously a sticky situation for both of us - my missing our schedule and her with an unidentified friend. My Mom closed our phone conversation jokingly whispering '...Don't tell your father, he might be jealous.' This was her way of reassuring me everything was okay between us. I expected her to call me back when she was free - so when the phone rang I foolishly assumed it was Mom calling back and I was anxious to return the reassurance to her that everything was good between us. 'Not telling Dad' was a meaningless phrase to anyone but us. We occasionally referred to him in the present just to let each other know we will never forget him - just a little unwritten code between us,.... but hell, a logical bastard like you wouldn't understand, so think what you will."
"I'm sorry, Pip. I do understand and I do believe you. Actually that is exactly my point. When two people are as close as you and your father, there must be some - using your own words - 'unwritten code' or something that would enable him to let you know he was alive and it would be something that only you would recognize when it happened or when you saw it. That’s why I asked you in Berlin if there was anything, anything at all that would cause you to doubt his death. So all I'm asking is for you to think and be vigil as some might try to manipulate
you for their own gain."
As we left the pub, Connor said "Can we meet up again before you go? How about Wednesday?"
"Lets see, Wednesday, the Fourth of July, Independence Day - how appropriate, but then I forgot you Blokes don't celebrate the Fourth over here."
"We do. Its just that we call it 'Thanksgiving' - Nite, Pip"
Part II Jealous
An hour later the cell rang again. I cautiously picked it up expecting Connor but wouldn't be surprised if it was Mom - that’s the kind of day its been.
"Hello"
"Hi Pip, How did you know it was me?"
"Very funny."
"Sorry, How about some fish and chips, I'm starved."
"If that’s the best you can do, I'll meet you in the lobby."
"Great, but which lobby?'
"Connor, I'm not in the mood for games!"
"Pip, I really don't know where you are staying."
Another hour and we were finally downing a beer and waiting for our meals. Connor had explained that after the rock festival I had called him from my cell and when he answered a voice quickly said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up.
I vaguely remember that, as I was dead tired, had a few too many beers, wanted to call Mom, Connor probably in the back of my head, and I accidentally called his number instead. Thinking he wouldn't know it was me, I quickly hung up. He went on to say that he waited a few days - not knowing specifically where I was - and dialed my cell. He got my number from his caller ID when I had called him accidentally. He therefore didn't know which lobby to meet me in and most importantly did not "misuse" his position and still wasn't stalking me.
He continued..."If this answers your questions satisfactorily, its now your turn."
"Okay, what are your questions?"
"Phone-o-vision? Really, Pip..."
"Connor, do you have any questions or not?"
"Yes, one big one. When we last met in Berlin your reaction to some of the things I said about your Dad clearly convinced me that you really didn't know that he might be alive. You are some actress Pip, because thanks to another phone mix up, I clearly heard you say ‘...I won’t tell Dad.’ This tells me that both you and your Mother know your Dad is alive."
I knew that was coming but I couldn't even think of a good fabrication, so I told the truth, "Look I was late for a scheduled call with my Mom - so I called her and caught her in the middle of brunch with a friend.
It was obviously a sticky situation for both of us - my missing our schedule and her with an unidentified friend. My Mom closed our phone conversation jokingly whispering '...Don't tell your father, he might be jealous.' This was her way of reassuring me everything was okay between us. I expected her to call me back when she was free - so when the phone rang I foolishly assumed it was Mom calling back and I was anxious to return the reassurance to her that everything was good between us. 'Not telling Dad' was a meaningless phrase to anyone but us. We occasionally referred to him in the present just to let each other know we will never forget him - just a little unwritten code between us,.... but hell, a logical bastard like you wouldn't understand, so think what you will."
"I'm sorry, Pip. I do understand and I do believe you. Actually that is exactly my point. When two people are as close as you and your father, there must be some - using your own words - 'unwritten code' or something that would enable him to let you know he was alive and it would be something that only you would recognize when it happened or when you saw it. That’s why I asked you in Berlin if there was anything, anything at all that would cause you to doubt his death. So all I'm asking is for you to think and be vigil as some might try to manipulate
you for their own gain."
As we left the pub, Connor said "Can we meet up again before you go? How about Wednesday?"
"Lets see, Wednesday, the Fourth of July, Independence Day - how appropriate, but then I forgot you Blokes don't celebrate the Fourth over here."
"We do. Its just that we call it 'Thanksgiving' - Nite, Pip"