(Untitled)

[pipetti]

Lots of info coming out about the shooter in Virginia. Is it nuts that this confirms all my rantings about the passive-aggressive people who don't say hi in the hallway?
Everyone else always has sympathy for them and feels sorry for them and I always WIN the argument

Comments

Don't Shoot !

[pipetti]

Yes, as we've discussed at wrrk, my definition of introversion differs greatly from the three friendly people I worked with at relay who all define themselves as introverted. And you all respond very graciously when someone says hi to you in the hallway. And any one of you could call 911 at least as quickly and effectively as an extrovert. As I said, I'm just ranting because I'm angry at mean shy people that everyone makes excuses for.

Obviously i'm exaggerating about unfriendly shy people and making an horrible analogy. I don't care. I feel bad for the abuse the shooter endured, and I feel bad for all the victims and their families, and all the many more people who lose loved ones to other events around the whirled, every day. And I feel envious of all the grieving people who are getting hugs on the Virginia Tech campus, even though i know they deserve good attention now, as does everyone, and the media is just showing that because that's what there is to show.

The truth is, I can't really make any claim to being rational at times like these.

Re: Don't Shoot !

[square721bt]

Well, then, I apologize. I didn't realize that you reacted so strongly to news stories. Rather than criticising you, I should have been offering emotional support. I hope you understand that I didn't mean anything by it, that I was simply ignorant of the situation.

Re: Don't Shoot !

[pipetti]

Nothing to apologize for, but thank you for being so nice. I didn't mean to criticize you either. I honestly wasn't thinking of any friendly people such as yourself, I was thinking of people who are downright hostile for no reason, who would probably call themselves introverts. But maybe they wouldn't call themselves anything, it doesn't matter. Probably introvert was an incorrect term, even for a rant. In fact what i was ranting about in general has nothing to do with what betty beats me up about when these kinds of stories are on the news.

Nobody ever shot anyone at any schools while I was attending them. I'm not even worried about getting shot anywhere else. I am just now this week figuring out that when stuff like Virginia Tech, and those school shootings last autumn, when those things happen, and I see grieving people being treated like their pain matters, see them being cared for by each other, it brings up a bunch of stupid issues.

Not that grief in itself is stupid, it's perfectly valid. Better to go ahead and feel it than to totally suppress it. But I let some really dumb petty stuff, that was not deliberate at all, get stuck to my grief about a big loss seven years ago, and evidently I can't help feeling simultaneously foolish and enraged when anything reminds me of it. Not towards anyone else really, towards myself probably mostly.

Plenty of people in madison and my hometown and elsewhere tried in their own ways to be supportive, and they are much appreciated. Some people that I worked for at the time, accidentally pulled some really bizarre little petty things and I keep not realizing that I'm still carrying around such silly stuff, letting stupid emotional garbage about petty events, be attached to grief, which is not only dumb of me, but a dishonor to the dearly departed. So little things, like someone saying the shooter didn't say hi to them, or people giving the survivors flowers, things that really don't amount to a hill of beans in and of themselves, because of the precise way things went down when I came back to madison, uh, some little things seemed like HUGE things. And many many of my friends have heard me be appalled about those things, and kindly and patiently acknowledged, many many times over the years, that it's understandable that I was all appalled about things that really are not big things, because of little things happening in a big context. I hope I'm being vague enough to be polite, and specific enough to make sense. I'm really trying hard to do both those things.

Despite how I may sound I would really hate for anyone to feel sorry for me, because there's nothing to be sorry about. People who have experienced serious grief are very sympathetic, and everyone else does the best they can. What I mean is i'm not wanting anyone to be sorry about the other petty garbage that got attached to the grief, because that's my own damn fault. If I spewed all the details I know you'd say, gosh, people were jerks, betty had every right to be appalled and it's nice of betty to realize they didnt' be that way on purpose. So it's all good, except for me being PISSED at myself for envying people who are being treated like human beings when others die. Not envying their grief, because I wouldn't wish that on anyone, just feeling very unevolved that I'm still so mad that the internets and the tv keep showing me people who get attention that I could not even fucking BUY when it would have come in handy. Or didn't avail myself of in a timely fashion, or didnt' know would actually have to be sought out, or something. My own damn fault, but whatever. There is much consensus that I did the best that I could in the circumstances I was in.

So everything's fine now, just once in a while it seems I flip out over something that may appear to be just something that happens to strangers every day, but maybe now that I have ascertained the root of it, I bet I can fix it.

Sorry that was so long, i really edited it and pared it down A LOT, believe it or not.