Trapped Part Three
Summary: Jacob is dealing with the aftermath of his time at the Cullen household. Did he save Edward from the Volturi? Or did he leave him to die as an act of revenge for the Vampires treatment of him? Slash Edward/Jacob MUST READ TRAPPED Parts 1 and 2 BEFORE READING THIS STORY!
Trapped Part 3
I stare out of the window and into the misty rain waters descending from the deep gray sky above. The smell reminds me of snow, frosty and clean without the slightest hint of pollution. The air is cold and brisk and chills my skin through a crack in the window and I welcome the sensation. Looking down at the ground below I see tourist of the city walking around in their rain gear not allowing the weather to stop them from enjoying this beautiful city and all of it's attractions and landmarks. I wanted to walk among them and leave all of my worries and fears in this very room but for now I will remain hidden, watching and waiting.
I furrow my brow and try to block out the doubt that still lingered in my mind. My own actions haunting me, telling me that I had made the wrong decision while another part of me tries to silence it. Each side had it's own valid points but in the end I was damned either way.
I walked back to the bed in the middle of my hotel suite, sit down, burying my face in my hands and sigh. The stress, anxiety and uncertainty of it all was weighing heavily on my shoulders, my stomach was in knots as every moment since the second I met Edward hit me like a tidal wave and if it weren't for the fact that I was sitting down, I would have collapsed into a ball on the floor. I close my eyes, watery streaks sliding down my face baring the evidence of my shame.
God I was such an idiot.
No wonder Edward preyed on me.
I was weak and pathetic, far from the alpha male that I was supposed to become. I don't know when it happened. It was like something came over me and replaced the strong willed boy that I was and turned into the bitch that I am now.
You know why you feel this way. Don't fight it, your choice was correct. It may be hard now but it will get better, it will become easier to accept.
I shake my head and lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and continued my inner turmoil.
You're a fucking idiot Jacob Black. You're a sick twisted fuck for what you did. Thank God your mother isn't around to see the spineless shit bag that you've become.
I wipe below my eyes with my fingers, the pain in my chest simply a dull throb. I had been crying for so long everything hurt.
I didn't know that it would lead to this.
I didn't know why I was so conflicted when I had made the right decision for me at the time.
The burning in my nostrils forced me to sit up and retrieve a tissue from the night stand to blow my nose. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep but yet it eluded me.
Something was missing.
I hit the bed with a ferocity that shocked even me. My fist pounding into the softness of the mattress repeatedly. I knew what was missing. I knew what my heart, mind, body and soul cried out for.
It was him.
Needing something to do with myself I head to the bathroom, free myself of my clothing and step into the shower. I turn the dial almost all the way to hot and close my eyes, trying to let the water cleanse me of everything my subconscious was holding onto. The hot beads slapped against my body, massaging my skin but it did nothing to ease my mind. At that point I knew the only thing that would help me was seeing Edwards face.
I cried hard at the thought. I knew what had happened in the middle of every fucked up thing that had happened to me.
I had imprinted on Edward Cullen. He was my rapist and my everything woven together in a sea of heaven and hell.
I was so screwed.
My life, or what was left of it, was never going to be the same again.
I finish cleaning up and step out of the shower. After drying off I walk into the dimly lit room and lay back on the bed, my naked body spread across the coolness of the bedspread. I look to my left to the empty space next to me and I can't help but long for the person that should have been laying beside me.
I missed him.
Yeah it was twisted and yes I deserved to burn in hell for loving someone who treated me so horribly but I can't help it.
Tears run down my face once more as the harsh realization rocks through me, soaking into every part of my body.
The coldness beneath me reminds me so much of him. His cold hands and how they touched my body during our last two months together. I turn and bury my face in my pillow trying to remember what it felt like to have his lips upon mine. I become lost in my own personal hell longing for the one person whose head I should want rip off of his shoulders before spitting down his throat.
But not in my damaged, psychotic little mind.
I want to kiss him, hold him, have him make love to me the way he did on the night of my special birthday surprise. I needed to have him near me so that we can travel into this world of darkness and depravity together. He would be the sadist to my masochist and I would enjoy every bit of our tainted, unconventional love.
Was I so starved for affection that I was willing to accept the devils touch, the devils love? God how much did I hate myself? How far must I fall from grace before I can reach up and peer into the sunlight once again?
I try to banish the thoughts that appeared next in my head. Of us making love. Of him touching me, of our bodies becoming one.
I scream out in agony and I don't give a damn who hears me.
My hand develops a mind of it's own as it travels down my body and gripping my member giving it a squeeze just the way he used to do before slowly pumping up and down. I whimpered more in shame and longing than in pleasure as I try to bring him back to me, if only for a little while. I continue my movements each one almost serving as a punishment. My inner wolf was clawing at me, missing his imprint, knowing that something was wrong and that Edward was absent from his side. The only place where he truly belonged.
I sob, my body shaking as I continue my movements. I was so tortured and I knew for certain that I was going insane. My mind was struggling to hold onto reality yet longing for the darkness. In the darkness there was peace and tranquility, far removed from the pain of separation that I was feeling now. My whole world was upside down and falling into the pits below, with me in the middle, my hands tied behind my back making despair my only friend.
I guess karma was in fact a bitch and now I was going to have to deal with the pain of my stupidity.
Just when it feels as if my heart were about to bounce out of my chest, I hear a knock on the door. I want to tell whoever it is to go to hell and leave me the fuck alone but instead I grab my towel off the floor, wrap it around my waist and yank it open.
There stood Edward in all his glory.
His eyes were pitch black, heavy with lust but there is something else there which I instantly recognized as longing, love and desperation.
I want to yell at him for turning me into a fucking perverted freak but I don't. I don't push him away when he steps around me, closes the door and slams me against it. His lips capturing mine, forcing me into a long passionate kiss as he grabs my wrist and places them above my head.
It felt so good to have him with me, my imprint, my love, my reason for breathing. Our love was a double edged sword but I welcomed the hurt of the blades if it meant that I could have him.
Letting go of my hands he leads me to the bed, laying me down gently before ripping off his clothes and climbing on top of me.
We made love all day long as the mist of the rain outside gave way to a heavy down pour. We clung to each other, neither one of us wanting to let go of the other until our orgasms faded away, leaving us in a comfortable blanket of silence.
I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up I was laying in bed alone. My inner wolf started to panic again as I looked around for him, for my anchor.
My eyes finally rested upon Edward looking out of the window out into the streets of Florence, Italy, the moonlight casting down to illuminate the puddles of water on the ground below. The blue shimmer shone over his pale, naked body causing my breath to catch and my heart to skip a beat.
I shouldn't love him but I do.
I moved over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing the back of his neck. His scent fills me and I am now truly at peace. All of my pain vanishing. The longing and guilt of my decision was gone and my Edward was here with me. Where he belonged.
"I take it that you're not angry at me for showing up here." He turns to me and smiles.
"No, I'm glad that you showed up. I missed you more than I thought I would. Even if you were just on the next floor." I sighed before continuing "I know I said that even though I saved you that I wanted some time away still, to consider things but I'm not so sure about that any more."
I look into his eyes. Seeing the love and happiness there made my heart soar.
"I'm glad that you're reconsidering Jacob and I'm happy that you cared enough to save me, even after my hideous actions. I was so cruel to you…"
I put a finger to his lips to silence him. I didn't want to relive the horrors of it all. My dreams served me well enough in that department.
"I don't want to talk about that right now. Not now or ever."
He says nothing in response to my words but instead nods in understanding.
"So what happens now?"
"I don't know Jacob. I know that you said you'd rather not go back to Forks now so, maybe we can travel around Europe for a while, get to know each other better. Maybe even fall even deeper in love, the right way. You said that you always wanted to visit France. We'll make that our next stop."
"What about the stuff that I left behind in the states? My car is at the airport, it has all of my things in it."
"Carlisle sent Emmet to get it already. It's back at the house, for now. We'll figure out the rest later."
I smile, unable to resist. Maybe some good will come out of this after all.
"Ok. We'll stay in Europe for a while and get to know each other, without the bondage." Edward smiles tightly at me and I kiss him lightly to let him know that I was teasing him.
We head back to bed and lay together, listening to the sound of the rain. I am happy for the first time in my life. I know what you must be thinking and for the most part you're probably right. But don't you dare feel sorry for me.
I'm doing just fine.
I am happy and content with my life and my Edward.
You may say what you want to but it's my life and it's my choice.
I'm not trapped. I'm happy, I'm free and I'm in love.