Valentine's Day fic!
I co-wrote this with kansan_entrails so you won't know who to blame!
Title: When It Counts
Setting: DCAU
Pairings: Piper/Trickster, Piper/Fury, with a side of Wally/Linda
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: A jailbreak on Valentine's Day goes awry . . . and James had been doing so well about not wearing the suit.
Warnings: No corrections officers or cheating boyfriends were harmed in the making of this fic.
James slammed the door of his apartment closed. He dragged his feet across the floor, threw his grocery store shirt down, and plopped onto the couch. He had grown to hate Valentine’s Day. As a child, he loved the cards and candy. Hell, some lucky years he’d even had a sweetheart to share with. However, wearing stripes and hitting people with yo-yos did make having sweethearts a bit of a challenge. If only he had someone to feed candy and whisper sweet nothings to!
He flipped through TV channels until he found the local news. That was the only way he got to see the other rogues anymore, save for poker Tuesdays. Even though he’d been out of the suit for three months, he still considered them family.
A mug shot that looked naggingly familiar appeared on the screen. “The costumed criminal known as Fury was arrested after an armed robbery at-”
“Wait, what? Aren’t Fury and Piper . . .” James muttered just before his phone rang. With sudden energy, James leapt from the couch. “Hello?”
The sultry voice of Central City’s Sultan of Sound danced its way through James’s ear. “James, are you doing anything right now?”
James swallowed a laugh that would probably have come out sounding . . . a little unhinged. “Not really. Why?”
“Want to help me bust Fury out of jail?”
In all honesty, James didn’t want to. He could see the reunion kiss all too well as he stood awkwardly in the cell door. “Of course I’ll help.”
~ ~ ~
It was good to see everyone again. Len’s wife had made Valentine cookies!
“Back in the suit, huh?” Len asked.
“It’s a special occasion,” James said through bites of cookie.
“Piper?” Mark’s eyebrows shot up. James turned to see Hartley dressed all in black.
“You’re all in costume?” Piper asked in a tone that sounded slightly surprised.
“This is a Rogues’ Rescue, and one that you requested,” said Captain Cold disapprovingly, “and you show up dressed like a common cat burglar.”
“I was thinking we could be a bit more . . . stealthy?” said Piper.
“Nope. Go get changed.”
Piper rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure, you guys complain about how I don’t wear pants in costume, but when I show up in pants, you want me to put my costume back on.”
“The costume kind of . . . grew on us,” said Mark.
“Yeah, it’s hard to imagine you with pants on,” James added. “Wait . . . that didn’t come out right.”
~ ~ ~
Trickster brained his second guard with a yo-yo. He had missed the feel of his customized weapon/toys in his hand.
“This way! The high security cells are just through here!” Piper sounded almost ecstatic.
With a longsuffering sigh, Trickster dragged his feet over what was left of the thick metal door after Mick and Len were finished with it. If he moved slowly enough, maybe he would miss the sight of Fury’s arms around Piper as they kissed passionately in the joy of being together again. That’s what Trickster would do if his purely hypothetical sweetheart came to get him out of jail. Wait . . . Why was Piper just standing there shaking?
“Baby, I can explain!” Fury said desperately. His face was flushed, there was sweat on his brow despite the uncomfortably cold air temperature, his cellmate looked . . . oh . . .
Piper was livid. “You cheating son of a- !”
“Prison sex doesn’t count!” Fury said hastily.
“This is the city jail, not real prison, and you’ve been here less than forty-eight hours!” Piper shouted.
“But think of the implications, if prison sex is allowed to count,” said Mark.
Mick shook his head. “Piper’s got a point. Having sex with a guy this soon is pretty gay.”
“Fury was already gay, or at least not entirely straight in some way,” Mark pointed out.
“In this case, the relevant point is that it’s cheating,” Trickster said a little too triumphantly. “Cheating on Valentine’s Day,” he added smugly.
“There’s no time limit on prison sex!” Fury snapped. “Stop smirking, you dumb nutjob!”
“There is when your boyfriend is on his way to get you out,” Piper said indignantly, “and don’t you dare use ableist slurs against someone who went to all this trouble to help you.”
“Look at him! He’s enjoying this!”
Piper turned around and wiped under his eyes. “This conversation is over. So is this relationship. So is the jailbreak.”
Trickster barely restrained himself from cheering when Piper stormed out.
“Wait! I didn’t mean it that way!” Fury called after him.
“He’s lying!” yelled a heavily tattooed guy in a different cell. “I never call people nutjobs, even when it’s true! Get me out of here!”
Trickster cackled to himself. “I’ve so got this!” he mumbled happily as he went after Piper.
“So . . . that’s it?” said Mark. “We just come in, turn around, and leave.”
“Well,” said Len, “I’d hate to feel like I came here for nothing.” He fired his cold gun.
~ ~ ~
“I like her hair," Vixen commented. "She doesn’t have the typical local news hairspray helmet going on.”
“That’s not much of a clue to her personality, though,” said Shayera.
“I’m not saying you should base your whole assessment on her hair, I’m just saying she made a good style choice there.”
“I’m much more impressed by her work on the water pollution story and the state legislature scandal last year. Her actions there show she’s brave, even if she’s not a traditional warrior.”
“And they show that she’s a good investigator. It’s not all about hitting people, after all. Who’s being shallow now?”
“I never said you were shallow.”
“Riiiiight.”
Normally, Wally tried to avoid being in the vicinity of Mari and Shayera when they were together. But he had to go past them to get to the cupcakes, and he was pretty sure that if Shayera realized he had run past her without speaking to her after all the jokes he’d made about avoiding annoying people on Valentine’s Day, he would be in big trouble.
“Hi, ladies, I’m just gonna grab a snack, don’t mind . . .” he cut himself off when he noticed who was on the news they were watching. It was Linda Park, who was sort of maybe tentatively his girlfriend or something. Wally wasn’t sure about revealing his secret identity to a reporter, even if she was beautiful, but Linda wouldn’t date him in his civilian identity because of her giant crush on the Flash, and she wouldn’t do anything with the Flash except exchange letters unless he took the mask off and told her his real name. So he was trying to decide if he wanted to do that, and in the meantime Mari had helped him pick out an appropriate gift for that kind of situation. And Linda was wearing it on TV. “Hey, she’s wearing the pin! That’s a good sign, right?”
Mari laughed softly. “Yes, that’s good.”
“It’s still only a tiny step toward the two of you not acting like teenagers,” said Shayera.
“She’s wearing the pin,” Wally said happily.
“The new practice of limiting possession of the high security section keys to specially trained and certified ‘Class 3’ guards was instated to thwart the foreseeable escape plans of mesmerizing miscreants such as the Pied Piper,” Linda was saying. “Security camera footage shows that in last night’s attempted jailbreak, the Piper incapacited the Class 2 guards with assistance from Weather Wizard and the Trickster, while Captain Cold and Heatwave worked on the door to the wing without a key.”
Wally got a sinking feeling when the Trickster appeared onscreen. James was wearing the suit again (and he’d been doing so well for the last three months!), but his hair was neatly combed and without streaks of any color not found in nature. This was new. The messy hair went with the suit. What did it all mean? Maybe Wally had better go back to Earth and check on James.
“There was, however, one thing the team of supercriminals did not plan for,” Linda continued. “According to those who witnessed the event from their own cells, Fury and the Pied Piper had been romantically involved until the mischievous musician came to break his companion out of jail and found him in the embrace of another inmate. The jailbreak was called off.”
“WHAT?” Mari’s reaction was equal parts amused and incredulous. “This is the day after Valentine’s Day, not April Fool’s Day!”
A giggling Supergirl walked over with a cupcake in each hand. “Every day is April Fool’s Day in the twin cities. Did anybody tell you about the vengeance-crazed villain whose gimmick is ice skating?”
“Ice skating?” said Mari. “For real?”
“Hey, those skate blades are dangerous,” said Wally.
“After the Pied Piper ‘ran off in tears,’ in the words of Officer Jones, Captain Cold froze Fury to the bars of his cell,” Linda explained. “It took corrections officers fifty minutes to thaw the prisoner, who was subsequently treated for frostbite.”
“Oh, Flash, this WOULD happen in YOUR city,” said Supergirl.
“You’re just jealous because it’s a lot more fun than Metropolis,” said Wally. “I guess I’d better go make sure everyone’s okay now.”
“Central City is weird,” said Shayera.
~ ~ ~
Wally checked James’s apartment first, but no one was there. He didn’t find James at the bar either, although he did find Heatwave and Weather Wizard arguing about how long a guy had to be in prison before prison sex stopped counting as gay or, if he was already gay, stopped counting as cheating. They made Wally give his opinion on the subject before they would tell him where Trickster was.
When Wally arrived at the innocuous-looking little house, James still had normal hair and was wearing jeans and a mildly obnoxious tee shirt instead of the suit. “I, um, saw you wearing the suit on the news,” Wally explained. “Are you okay?”
“Oh. Look, about that . . . I wasn’t really wearing the suit, you know. I mean, I had it on my body, but I wasn’t wearing the suit. I was just doing a favor for Piper. It doesn't count if I know why I'm doing it.”
Wally was relieved, even though he knew some of the other Leaguers would think he should be more worried that Trickster had committed a crime while in his right mind. “How is Piper? I heard he didn’t have such a good day yesterday.
James smiled brightly. “He’s going to be just fine. And with Fury and his +3 guns of overcompensation out of the way-NEXT VALENTINE’S DAY WILL BE DIFFERENT! MWAHAHAHAHA!”
“Uh, James?”
“HAHAHAHA!” Trickster paused to ruffle his own hair and then picked up the laugh again. “HAHAHAAAA!”
“James,” Piper called from inside the house, “what are you villain-laughing about?”
“Things,” James said innocently.
“What kind of things?” Piper asked.
“Warm, fuzzy things.”
“Like rats?” Piper peeked around the doorframe. He was wrapped in a huge blanket and carrying a carton of ice cream, but the thought of rats had perked him up.
“Yes! Exactly like rats!” James said, giving Wally a rather obvious nudge.
“Yeah . . . in fact, I came over to talk rats,” Wally said helpfully. “I was hoping to catch you at a good time because I really want to know more about rats.”
“Come in,” said Piper. “Have some ice cream. Have you even seen rats do ballroom dancing?”
“Er . . . no, but I’d like to?” Wally ventured. James gave him a thumbs-up.
“Hypothetically speaking,” said James, “could dancing rats hit the Flash with narcotic pies and make something explode?”
“That sounds like suspiciously suity question,” said Wally.
“But I’m not wearing the suit!”
“You’re wearing the shoes that go with the suit,” Wally pointed out. “You weren’t wearing them a minute ago. When did you put them on?”
“It would depend on how big the pies are,” Piper said after giving the suity question an worrying amount of thought. “But you wouldn’t want to do that except in dire emergencies.”
Title: When It Counts
Setting: DCAU
Pairings: Piper/Trickster, Piper/Fury, with a side of Wally/Linda
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: A jailbreak on Valentine's Day goes awry . . . and James had been doing so well about not wearing the suit.
Warnings: No corrections officers or cheating boyfriends were harmed in the making of this fic.
James slammed the door of his apartment closed. He dragged his feet across the floor, threw his grocery store shirt down, and plopped onto the couch. He had grown to hate Valentine’s Day. As a child, he loved the cards and candy. Hell, some lucky years he’d even had a sweetheart to share with. However, wearing stripes and hitting people with yo-yos did make having sweethearts a bit of a challenge. If only he had someone to feed candy and whisper sweet nothings to!
He flipped through TV channels until he found the local news. That was the only way he got to see the other rogues anymore, save for poker Tuesdays. Even though he’d been out of the suit for three months, he still considered them family.
A mug shot that looked naggingly familiar appeared on the screen. “The costumed criminal known as Fury was arrested after an armed robbery at-”
“Wait, what? Aren’t Fury and Piper . . .” James muttered just before his phone rang. With sudden energy, James leapt from the couch. “Hello?”
The sultry voice of Central City’s Sultan of Sound danced its way through James’s ear. “James, are you doing anything right now?”
James swallowed a laugh that would probably have come out sounding . . . a little unhinged. “Not really. Why?”
“Want to help me bust Fury out of jail?”
In all honesty, James didn’t want to. He could see the reunion kiss all too well as he stood awkwardly in the cell door. “Of course I’ll help.”
~ ~ ~
It was good to see everyone again. Len’s wife had made Valentine cookies!
“Back in the suit, huh?” Len asked.
“It’s a special occasion,” James said through bites of cookie.
“Piper?” Mark’s eyebrows shot up. James turned to see Hartley dressed all in black.
“You’re all in costume?” Piper asked in a tone that sounded slightly surprised.
“This is a Rogues’ Rescue, and one that you requested,” said Captain Cold disapprovingly, “and you show up dressed like a common cat burglar.”
“I was thinking we could be a bit more . . . stealthy?” said Piper.
“Nope. Go get changed.”
Piper rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure, you guys complain about how I don’t wear pants in costume, but when I show up in pants, you want me to put my costume back on.”
“The costume kind of . . . grew on us,” said Mark.
“Yeah, it’s hard to imagine you with pants on,” James added. “Wait . . . that didn’t come out right.”
~ ~ ~
Trickster brained his second guard with a yo-yo. He had missed the feel of his customized weapon/toys in his hand.
“This way! The high security cells are just through here!” Piper sounded almost ecstatic.
With a longsuffering sigh, Trickster dragged his feet over what was left of the thick metal door after Mick and Len were finished with it. If he moved slowly enough, maybe he would miss the sight of Fury’s arms around Piper as they kissed passionately in the joy of being together again. That’s what Trickster would do if his purely hypothetical sweetheart came to get him out of jail. Wait . . . Why was Piper just standing there shaking?
“Baby, I can explain!” Fury said desperately. His face was flushed, there was sweat on his brow despite the uncomfortably cold air temperature, his cellmate looked . . . oh . . .
Piper was livid. “You cheating son of a- !”
“Prison sex doesn’t count!” Fury said hastily.
“This is the city jail, not real prison, and you’ve been here less than forty-eight hours!” Piper shouted.
“But think of the implications, if prison sex is allowed to count,” said Mark.
Mick shook his head. “Piper’s got a point. Having sex with a guy this soon is pretty gay.”
“Fury was already gay, or at least not entirely straight in some way,” Mark pointed out.
“In this case, the relevant point is that it’s cheating,” Trickster said a little too triumphantly. “Cheating on Valentine’s Day,” he added smugly.
“There’s no time limit on prison sex!” Fury snapped. “Stop smirking, you dumb nutjob!”
“There is when your boyfriend is on his way to get you out,” Piper said indignantly, “and don’t you dare use ableist slurs against someone who went to all this trouble to help you.”
“Look at him! He’s enjoying this!”
Piper turned around and wiped under his eyes. “This conversation is over. So is this relationship. So is the jailbreak.”
Trickster barely restrained himself from cheering when Piper stormed out.
“Wait! I didn’t mean it that way!” Fury called after him.
“He’s lying!” yelled a heavily tattooed guy in a different cell. “I never call people nutjobs, even when it’s true! Get me out of here!”
Trickster cackled to himself. “I’ve so got this!” he mumbled happily as he went after Piper.
“So . . . that’s it?” said Mark. “We just come in, turn around, and leave.”
“Well,” said Len, “I’d hate to feel like I came here for nothing.” He fired his cold gun.
~ ~ ~
“I like her hair," Vixen commented. "She doesn’t have the typical local news hairspray helmet going on.”
“That’s not much of a clue to her personality, though,” said Shayera.
“I’m not saying you should base your whole assessment on her hair, I’m just saying she made a good style choice there.”
“I’m much more impressed by her work on the water pollution story and the state legislature scandal last year. Her actions there show she’s brave, even if she’s not a traditional warrior.”
“And they show that she’s a good investigator. It’s not all about hitting people, after all. Who’s being shallow now?”
“I never said you were shallow.”
“Riiiiight.”
Normally, Wally tried to avoid being in the vicinity of Mari and Shayera when they were together. But he had to go past them to get to the cupcakes, and he was pretty sure that if Shayera realized he had run past her without speaking to her after all the jokes he’d made about avoiding annoying people on Valentine’s Day, he would be in big trouble.
“Hi, ladies, I’m just gonna grab a snack, don’t mind . . .” he cut himself off when he noticed who was on the news they were watching. It was Linda Park, who was sort of maybe tentatively his girlfriend or something. Wally wasn’t sure about revealing his secret identity to a reporter, even if she was beautiful, but Linda wouldn’t date him in his civilian identity because of her giant crush on the Flash, and she wouldn’t do anything with the Flash except exchange letters unless he took the mask off and told her his real name. So he was trying to decide if he wanted to do that, and in the meantime Mari had helped him pick out an appropriate gift for that kind of situation. And Linda was wearing it on TV. “Hey, she’s wearing the pin! That’s a good sign, right?”
Mari laughed softly. “Yes, that’s good.”
“It’s still only a tiny step toward the two of you not acting like teenagers,” said Shayera.
“She’s wearing the pin,” Wally said happily.
“The new practice of limiting possession of the high security section keys to specially trained and certified ‘Class 3’ guards was instated to thwart the foreseeable escape plans of mesmerizing miscreants such as the Pied Piper,” Linda was saying. “Security camera footage shows that in last night’s attempted jailbreak, the Piper incapacited the Class 2 guards with assistance from Weather Wizard and the Trickster, while Captain Cold and Heatwave worked on the door to the wing without a key.”
Wally got a sinking feeling when the Trickster appeared onscreen. James was wearing the suit again (and he’d been doing so well for the last three months!), but his hair was neatly combed and without streaks of any color not found in nature. This was new. The messy hair went with the suit. What did it all mean? Maybe Wally had better go back to Earth and check on James.
“There was, however, one thing the team of supercriminals did not plan for,” Linda continued. “According to those who witnessed the event from their own cells, Fury and the Pied Piper had been romantically involved until the mischievous musician came to break his companion out of jail and found him in the embrace of another inmate. The jailbreak was called off.”
“WHAT?” Mari’s reaction was equal parts amused and incredulous. “This is the day after Valentine’s Day, not April Fool’s Day!”
A giggling Supergirl walked over with a cupcake in each hand. “Every day is April Fool’s Day in the twin cities. Did anybody tell you about the vengeance-crazed villain whose gimmick is ice skating?”
“Ice skating?” said Mari. “For real?”
“Hey, those skate blades are dangerous,” said Wally.
“After the Pied Piper ‘ran off in tears,’ in the words of Officer Jones, Captain Cold froze Fury to the bars of his cell,” Linda explained. “It took corrections officers fifty minutes to thaw the prisoner, who was subsequently treated for frostbite.”
“Oh, Flash, this WOULD happen in YOUR city,” said Supergirl.
“You’re just jealous because it’s a lot more fun than Metropolis,” said Wally. “I guess I’d better go make sure everyone’s okay now.”
“Central City is weird,” said Shayera.
~ ~ ~
Wally checked James’s apartment first, but no one was there. He didn’t find James at the bar either, although he did find Heatwave and Weather Wizard arguing about how long a guy had to be in prison before prison sex stopped counting as gay or, if he was already gay, stopped counting as cheating. They made Wally give his opinion on the subject before they would tell him where Trickster was.
When Wally arrived at the innocuous-looking little house, James still had normal hair and was wearing jeans and a mildly obnoxious tee shirt instead of the suit. “I, um, saw you wearing the suit on the news,” Wally explained. “Are you okay?”
“Oh. Look, about that . . . I wasn’t really wearing the suit, you know. I mean, I had it on my body, but I wasn’t wearing the suit. I was just doing a favor for Piper. It doesn't count if I know why I'm doing it.”
Wally was relieved, even though he knew some of the other Leaguers would think he should be more worried that Trickster had committed a crime while in his right mind. “How is Piper? I heard he didn’t have such a good day yesterday.
James smiled brightly. “He’s going to be just fine. And with Fury and his +3 guns of overcompensation out of the way-NEXT VALENTINE’S DAY WILL BE DIFFERENT! MWAHAHAHAHA!”
“Uh, James?”
“HAHAHAHA!” Trickster paused to ruffle his own hair and then picked up the laugh again. “HAHAHAAAA!”
“James,” Piper called from inside the house, “what are you villain-laughing about?”
“Things,” James said innocently.
“What kind of things?” Piper asked.
“Warm, fuzzy things.”
“Like rats?” Piper peeked around the doorframe. He was wrapped in a huge blanket and carrying a carton of ice cream, but the thought of rats had perked him up.
“Yes! Exactly like rats!” James said, giving Wally a rather obvious nudge.
“Yeah . . . in fact, I came over to talk rats,” Wally said helpfully. “I was hoping to catch you at a good time because I really want to know more about rats.”
“Come in,” said Piper. “Have some ice cream. Have you even seen rats do ballroom dancing?”
“Er . . . no, but I’d like to?” Wally ventured. James gave him a thumbs-up.
“Hypothetically speaking,” said James, “could dancing rats hit the Flash with narcotic pies and make something explode?”
“That sounds like suspiciously suity question,” said Wally.
“But I’m not wearing the suit!”
“You’re wearing the shoes that go with the suit,” Wally pointed out. “You weren’t wearing them a minute ago. When did you put them on?”
“It would depend on how big the pies are,” Piper said after giving the suity question an worrying amount of thought. “But you wouldn’t want to do that except in dire emergencies.”