The feelings have reawoken
I let my lonliness be buried thinken maybe it would just go away but they have risen again to make me feel like crap. My mom pretty much dug them out earlier today. I can't repeat what she said because i don't technically remember just take my word for it. I just feel like totally empty and maybe thats why i have been in such a shitastical mood latly.. that and i got my period (not a good combination). I dunno i just want to feel the love that everyone around me gets from a signifigant other. I see this and my heart shatters more and more. Im afraid someday it will shatter into pieces causing nothing but pain for me. See my problem is i scare people away my paranoia my impatientance causes me to to frighten the people i wish to get close with away. I lash out on people for small things. Its hard for me to act like a normal human being when it comes to things i want im the type of person that if i want something i want it now waiting is not one of my better qualitys. I have no clue what to do maybe i need to talk to someone more on the professional side i mean yeah i have my friend and my family but i dunno maybe im not gettin the answers i seek. Whats wrong with me? am i not good enough? What do i need to do to change myself for the better? Im 20 years old and im still a virgin i know that in some peoples eyes they think its a good thing and comend me on my patients for that. Honestly i hate it i want to have sex so bad and sometimes i think i might end up going out and doing it for the wrong reasons and i don't want that to happen i want to do it because i love the person im with not just because i want to. Im drawing a blank now im lost in words i thought that maybe if i write out my feelings i would feel alittle better but its not working i need more something anything. I hate feeling alone i hate waking up everyday with a sense of emptyness. I want to cry so bad but i am holding it back with every fiber of my being. I'm done now.. done with rambling on about this because its doing me no good.